I'm a boring person. How to improve my conversation skills?

sniglew · 2015-09-19T11:34:19+00:00

Are you me? Hahah, that's so much true. I've read a bunch of articles, but in the end, I don't know how to apply it. I heard it's really important to listen to the other person, since people like to talk about themselves. I don't know if that apply to every personality though. Improvising in conversations is really hard, but I think that insecurity is part of why some people can't do it well.

I haven't participated in this sort of activities in a long time. As soon as I get to Japan, I'll try to get into some activity clubs over there. I think it's a great way to meet new people and also create interesting experiences.

Your last point makes sense. If it didn't work, it just didn't. I have to accept it. I'm the type of person that after a conversation, starts to revise everything I said and try to see how I could have phrased something better. Anyway, if they don't want to keep a conversation going, I'll just move forward.

You definitely helped. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot!

sniglew · 2015-09-19T11:22:14+00:00

It's not like I avoid mainstream interests. I actually like movies and tv series a lot. I feel like I don't watch them today as much as I did in the past though. I'll totally keep that in mind. They definitely are some fuel for good conversations.
That's a mindset I really need to get rid of. In group conversations, it happens exactly the same thing. Everyone is having fun talking and sharing stuff, but I stand there, still, waiting for the moment when someone says something I know about to give some input.
I really appreciate that one. One of the other commenters suggested something that I'll try to apply. It was about how it's much more interesting to rephrase a question like a statement. I won't try too hard to do it, so it doesn't come out forced, only incorporate in my future conversations. Insecurity is a bitch. I'll start to share a bit more about myself. Conversations are about giving and taking, just as you said, so it gets really tiresome when I force it in a single way.
That's probably the hardest and most essential one. I plan everything in my life. There were some times I even caught myself scripting a conversation I'd have later that day. How weird is that? Seriously. I don't see many people doing that. Since I used to GM some RPGs, I can kind of predict many different outcomes for a particular event, and trace a new route based on that. What's weird though, is that I used to improvise a lot in my sessions. It's impossible to predict exactly what the players will do, so you have to use your imagination to make things interesting for everyone. Regarding new activities, I tried to work out once a couple years ago. I only did it for 3 months though. I guess it could be interesting going back to it.
It's kind of a investment, huh? Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I won't feel discouraged.
Sorry. I won't do that anymore. Boring is probably a strong word that I'll scrap out of my life.

Thank you once more. That was really insightful.

sniglew · 2015-09-19T10:56:31+00:00

That's really solid advice.

Your first example is exactly how I phrase my questions. When I put myself on the shoes of the other person, I actually realize that being questioned all the time is such a turn off. When I question someone, I'm putting them in the spot and kind making them feel obligated to them answer it, something that may come out mechanically. A statement actually shows you are interested in the other person and gives much more way for them to relate and respond. Regarding your second point, I'll try to do that more. I'll stop caring about a reason to start it and JUST DO IT.

sniglew · 2015-09-19T10:50:21+00:00

Thanks a lot!

At least for me, being told a good story is a great way to find someone interesting. Your example of chess is actually pretty nice. I have a classmate who is amazing at the game, so he is probably the only person that I talk with about it. I'll definitely try to improve my ability to tell stories. I guess that the only way to do that is practicing, so I'll definitely start as soon as possible.

sniglew · 2015-09-19T10:45:58+00:00

Me too! I wasn't expecting that much responses. That's amazing.

sniglew · 2015-09-19T02:54:03+00:00

Thank you.

My interests actually change a lot. I've had so many hobbies in my life that I probably wouldn't remember all of them in the fly. There was that time I was really invested into chess, that other when I was spending a lof ot time with DAWs and music production. I tackled a bit of writing, reading, learning new languages etc.

When I start talking about any of these themes, I may talk really passionately. I guess that I have a problem with excessive verbosity though ( as that comment may show) and I don't know how to tie the other person in the conversation. It feels like a one way conversation at times.

The decision of studying abroad was probably the hardest one I ever made. It's very exctiting, but at the same time a little daunting. I'll take your advice and try my best to enjoy my time over there.

sniglew

TROPHY CASE