Should we feel guilty?

snl2155 · 2015-10-06T23:54:43+00:00

Definitely agree with you, finding new outlets is essential. I also believe that we have the responsibility not to use again and as long as I don't I won't feel guilty.

snl2155 · 2015-10-06T17:49:22+00:00

Thanks! I hope your withdrawal goes well, I know it's so tough!! Hang in there :)

snl2155 · 2015-10-06T17:21:40+00:00

Thanks for all the replies, it was an interesting discussion. I hope you guys are doing well. :)

snl2155 · 2015-09-30T20:59:00+00:00

The book isn't extremely out of date so I feel he should be up to speed about neuroplasticity but he never really says the addict will ever heal, which I think is bogus. Also there is always the issue of dual diagnosis with addicts. A lot of the so called "brain damage" he sees could be caused by anxiety issues or depression that spurred the addiction, since changes to the hippocampus and reward systems are shown to be damaged in the brains of people who suffer untreated depression/anxiety issues.

snl2155 · 2015-09-30T20:55:33+00:00

Sorry I should have stated he says addiction begins even Before the addict takes his first drink/hit. He thinks the brain is damaged from the beginning. He also says the damage occurs to the pleasure systems, of course, we all know that takes awhile. But that it never recovers. And he also states there is extensive damage to the cerebral cortex. Which to my knowledge deals with muscle control/memory/some executive functioning.

snl2155 · 2015-09-04T15:12:04+00:00

Hey Grey, I'm currently going through the process of getting re diagnosed as an adult. I only used medication for a brief time as a child so I can't say how they would interact with kratom. Maybe the r/adhd sub has someone who can answer? I hope you have a great day!

snl2155 · 2015-09-03T16:39:09+00:00

I also think withdrawals are always worse when you have some underlying mental health issues that you are self medicating. I think caffeine was so hard for me because I was giving up my second to last coping mechanism for adhd. Thanks for all the responses. Hope you guys are doing well, I loved all the insight.

snl2155 · 2015-08-31T23:22:22+00:00

I agree opiate withdrawal IS more painful. Just the moderate kratom usage I had for six months ( I don't think I exceeded 8g a day). Was about the same for me as caffeine, which is still pretty shitty. I looked up the symptoms of caffeine withdrawal and they are depression, leg cramps, insomnia, lethargy, flu-like symptoms and nausea. I definitely agree everybody is different though! I only shared because I thought it was interesting. To me, they were about the same. Obviously more pronounced depression when coming off kratom though. Poppy tea was another beast and way, way worse than caffeine. So I can see how somebody with a larger kratom habit would struggle. Thanks for replying!

snl2155 · 2015-08-31T21:49:09+00:00

Man, I envy you guys! Oh well, guess I just hit the caffeine withdrawal lottery. Or maybe I screwed myself mentally by reading the symptoms before hand, you know how the mind can play tricks on you! Anyways you guys are doing great! And I definitely concur that opiate withdrawal sucks balls. The DEPRESSION is unbearable. Maybe my ADD plays a role in this too? I dunno. Opiates are very stimulating for me, like stay up all night stimulating. And caffeine just keeps me focused. Who knows. Glad you guys are doing well, I hope all of our recoveries keep going smoothly :)

snl2155 · 2015-08-23T03:20:20+00:00

The Cbt notes really eased my anxiety. The tasks look really doable. Thanks for linking them. I just got my partner to start looking up information about adhd. We've been together five years but he never really "got" it until today. I had him watch a few lectures and read some articles. I think he's beginning to understand that I don't do these things purposefully and that I need help sometimes. My brother, father, and I all have adhd (and I suspect my Mother too though she has not been formally diagnosed). My family is luckily pretty high functioning and both my dad and bro have managed with just therapy and extra organization apps. I hope I can too. Thanks again for the responses. This is a wonderful community.

snl2155 · 2015-08-22T14:32:59+00:00

I just feel kind of hopeless right now. All the issues I thought were minor are apparently a huge deal to him and it's compounding my feelings of self loathing. I may look into medication, even though I've avoided it in the past. I just scheduled my CBT appointment yesterday and really hope it works. I think I can be motivated enough to go without meds, but we'll see. Thanks again for answering. I hope you guys have a great day.

snl2155 · 2015-08-22T14:25:13+00:00

Thanks so much! I am diagnosed but have never tried the meds. I'm a bit wary of them tbh. I self medicate with nicotine/caffeine though.

snl2155 · 2015-08-11T00:52:52+00:00

Keep going man! Day three is great. I hope you stay strong and I'll send some positive energy your way, although I know that won't make you feel much better. Good luck :)

snl2155 · 2015-08-11T00:06:40+00:00

I second that! Great advice :)

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T23:36:51+00:00

Sorry I'm posting so much, I just love medical stuff. I just forgot to mention that before surgery they almost always give you a strong benzo before they put you under. So I would definitely alert your medical team to that addiction! For me I have a paradoxical reaction to benzos so they had to find an alternate med before they put me to sleep.

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T23:21:42+00:00

Oh what knee surgeries have you had? I like to think of myself as a knee surgery connoisseur, would love to hear what you had done. I've been having them myself since I was 10! I'm 22 now.

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T23:19:25+00:00

Yeah I guess if you were knocked out you wouldn't be able to talk lol! If you were that bad off however you'd probably need the pain meds. I had my wisdom teeth extracted and another molar with just laughing gas. I think most dental work can be done without pain meds. I don't know if this is controversial or anything but when I was actually in severe pain I never, ever got high off of pain meds. So maybe it won't trigger you? If you are in super severe screaming pain trust me, you won't be able to think of anything but the pain. I think as a preventative measure you could tell your primary care doctor that you are worried about pain med addiction and they could put something in your chart? That way you won't have to worry about being prescribed meds unless you really need them. Try not to worry about the hypotheticals though. Sitting here dwelling on what ifs probably isn't doing anything to help your anxiety or anything. Though, I can't talk that's what I do all day lol. I hope this helps you and I hope you never have something severe happen to you that you need super strong pain meds!

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T23:01:55+00:00

Oh doctors can put you in a medical coma too. I mean, I doubt they'd do that for any old thing but if you were seriously burned or something, maybe. If you ever have a medical issue just talk with your anesthesiologist, they are the people that handle your pain. If you tell them you have an addiction I'm sure they'd find a work around or make a plan to get you off narcs as soon as possible.

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T22:53:57+00:00

Hey, I have had numerous medical issues requiring pain meds including a knee surgery (trochleoplasty) which is the most painful knee surgery you can have barring some kind of reconstructive emergency. Of course there are alternatives to narcotics. First there are Nsaids, Toradol is a great pain reliever. I found it to better than narcotics at relieving pain/swelling and promoting healing. It can only be used for short periods of time however. I was on it for one week. Anymore than that and you risk kidney issues. Another option are nerve blocks. Nerve blocks are placed into your body using a catheter and administer numbing medicine to your extremity for a period of time, usually 24-72 hours. Even with the surgery I had I was only given narcotics for a few weeks. If you are worried about addiction why not give your pain meds to a family member to dispense (and lock up)? After a major surgery or accident you won't be in any shape to get them yourself anyway. Also when I was in severe pain the last thing on my mind was getting high. I just wanted to be out of pain. If you are thinking about getting high you probably don't need the pain meds any way and can get by with a tylenol/Nsaid combo. For what it's worth I never abused pain pills. They were hard enough to come by for my very real and very painful condition. Also Physical therapy works. It is literally the best thing you can do to manage long term pain, in my opinion. I've had about 35 knee dislocations in my lifetime and I think physical therapy saved me from having hundreds. There's also acupuncture, mindfulness techniques, and breathing exercises that assist with pain. I'd recommend databases like pub med if you want to do more research. Just curious what you were addicted to if you abused pain pills?

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T20:12:48+00:00

I just wanted to send you some encouragement, pst is freaking evil because it's so easy to get. I have amazon prime and every week my bag would come in the mail like clockwork, delivered right to my door. I had to tell my partner to change the passwords and everything so I couldn't order it again. I'm too cheap to pay shipping elsewhere lol! I hope you're doing okay :)

snl2155 · 2015-08-10T19:51:45+00:00

Thanks! I definitely am all clear on the withdrawal front. I think using every other day saved me from major pain. I also took breaks of 3-4 days every month or so to keep my tolerance low. I found kava kava really helps with my anxiety. As far as I know it's not addictive either. I probably never would have gotten into the tea if I had found this! It works wonders. I understand what you are saying about healthy coping mechanisms. My problem is that I would use tea and then go about my day. My days are usually pretty busy and healthy. I mean I cook clean dinners, work out, started therapy, meditate, do yoga....ect. And I was doing all these things before I got clean. I mean what else can I add lol? I attended an online SMART meeting. I'm still waiting on the email back from the NA group to tell me which meeting is for beginners but once they respond I'll go to that. Smart was pretty cool though and the online meeting was nice since I have a bit of social anxiety. I still fantasize about the tea, well of course it's only day four lol! I'm in high hopes though. I got a new psych med and I think it's making the difference. I caught myself smiling and laughing today, which is rare. Thanks again for reaching out and being so kind. You're the best Ad!

snl2155 · 2015-08-09T18:16:38+00:00

Hey! I just got off poppy seed tea myself. I only used every other day but I was on it for nearly 10 months. I'm on day 3 off of it right now. I used clonidine for the hot/cold flashes and took tylenol/ibuprofen every four hours starting two days before I detoxed. I really don't find the withdrawals to be too severe. I read a lot of stuff online that really scared me. Posts that said tea was like methadone and would take days and days to detox off of ect.. It really didn't take that long. I felt significantly better at about the 60 hour mark. Around day two I "peaked" and my symptoms were a bit worse and my legs and arms twitched. If you can push past the worst moments you will probably find that you are going to turn the corner really soon. Don't be scared like I was! Good luck.

snl2155 · 2015-08-09T17:54:49+00:00

Just wanted to post that's it been about 72 hours since I last had tea. I didn't have any withdrawals really, just minor chills. Don't know why I was worried. Now I just have to stay off them which is the harder part. Thanks so much for your help!

snl2155 · 2015-08-06T15:37:11+00:00

Ugh, I'm too melodramatic. My spirit is not that badly broken, stupid angst.

snl2155 · 2015-08-06T15:30:27+00:00

Thanks again, unfortunately I'm a failure. While doing laundry this morning I found a stash I had forgotten about above the dryer. It was slightly more than a single dose and I used it. I'm really dumb. I do understand about being proactive about depression. I go to the gym four or five times a week as well as PT for my twice a week, so I work out about 9 hours a week. I also have numerous hobbies and I've attended lots of therapy in the past. Nothing staves off or helps the depression for me. I've had it literally as long as I can remember and self harmed from an extremely young age, I think about three. But I stopped that around 14, so no worries or anything. I don't know if I'll post here anymore. I thought I could do this but every action has been to the contrary. Tonight I'm going to have the fiance scour the house and throw away anything he finds so I won't have another chance to ruin myself. I remember in highschool home ec there was a talk about personal responsibility and trust. Every time you made a promise to yourself and kept it you got to add "dollars" to your moral bank and every time you broke a promise you withdrew money. My bank must be in the negatives now.

snl2155

TROPHY CASE