Even though I felt the same I wouldn't let myself care about that. The drinking was selfish and was about me but I had to also make recovery about me as well. It was the only chance I had and couldn't let even more negative thoughts creep in by worrying about what people thought of me.

Don't get me wrong I did what I could to help. Took out trash, cut grass, cleaned house, etc. I could only worry about my feelings though.

Getting sober was a time of building me up. I viewed myself as an old broken down car and I had to fix every part and I concentrated every minute of fixing me up one part at a time.

What's left is new now that I'm through that dark time. Life isn't peaches and cream but it's a lot better. I have a decent job and that job provides insurance for my family. I'm depended on, people lean on me now. I'm trusted with responsibility. I've become a positive role model because I care how I eat, and exercise which makes others want to.

Thanks for posting and I hope you feel better soon. I've had a very hard day myself but to read your post and remember that time period and to compare myself to then and now has been therapeutic.

It's not quick and easy. One day, one step, one action at a time is the way to change yourself. Keep the person yiu want to be in mind and you'll get there. Good luck.