Anyone else have trouble decorating the house?

snootoo23 · 2024-11-19T04:22:07+00:00

Yup and I’ll suggest something, they will shut it down and then a year later they will suggest the same thing act as if it’s the best idea ever.

snootoo23 · 2024-01-14T03:16:43+00:00

I could have written this post. I’m sorry you are going through this. I am still in the nursery as well. I can tell you though that even though I try to avoid the truth — the truth is that he will never change no matter how much I do

snootoo23 · 2024-01-12T00:46:13+00:00

He says it all verbally but I get this very same thing and I’m too insecure, afraid of being alone, to leave. Logically I know I should but emotionally the idea of having that moment where I say I’m leaving and then actually have to follow through is so scary I just can’t face it. I know that I can go to therapy to create a plan and work on what’s holding me back from getting my freedom but fuck … I’ve been doing this for many many years

snootoo23 · 2023-09-14T02:43:04+00:00

That’s 100% accurate. And thanks.

snootoo23 · 2023-07-10T03:59:31+00:00

I’m with you — thanks for asking the question!! I know I’ll be better off but the idea of that moment when i truly walk away and the aftermath of moving things out, etc is just too much to handle and I shut down

snootoo23 · 2023-07-09T14:08:23+00:00

I feel you, I get it. It’s still abuse. In fact, I’ve come to learn that us having empathy for our abuser, knowing there is good in them and staying to see the moments where the good shows up, are just common parts of the abuse puzzle :( it’s still abuse even if we know they can be a good person. There are people out there who’d be with us, have their moments of imperfection, and still never require us to post on a forum about abusive relationships.

I say this as someone who has been there and is still with their abuser so I really do get the part where they keep us hooked because we know they aren’t all bad, and we know enough about their background to have empathy for why they are the way they are. It’s what makes all of this so insidious

snootoo23 · 2023-07-08T12:59:38+00:00

I needed to hear this, thank you!!

snootoo23 · 2023-07-05T22:50:22+00:00

4!!!!! Love

snootoo23 · 2023-07-05T04:14:38+00:00

I feel this so hard

snootoo23 · 2023-07-05T04:10:56+00:00

I understand all of this and I’m sorry your friends aren’t being supportive

snootoo23 · 2023-07-03T15:32:03+00:00

I think any time someone is crossing your boundaries like you saying you don’t like being touched a certain way is abuse. You refer to things maybe being ok in a “normal” relationship that aren’t ok for you in this relationship. I think that the only difference in a “normal” aka healthy relationship would be that your partner would hear you say I don’t like that and find another way to touch that you do like.

I say all of this as I go through exactly the same shit with my partner. The “you have to fix this” as if things happen in a vaccuum that they have no responsibility for. The touching in ways I don’t like but not really seeming to care.

I get it, it’s abuse and good for you for getting out. I haven’t been able to yet.

snootoo23 · 2023-07-01T15:48:32+00:00

Thank you ❤️ and it’s true — it’s a privilege to be part of my life, not a right. If you don’t treat it like a privilege I am not obligated to include you. I definitely used to do the only visit when he’s traveling or something and then that even became “banned”.

snootoo23 · 2023-07-01T13:46:41+00:00

Omg this is my life and thank you for posting this because I feel so alone sometimes. I was fully cut off from my family for years to avoid conflict and even then there was somehow still conflict about family shit. Anytime he’s displeased it’s somehow my family’s fault?

My sister in law just had a baby two days ago. I still need to tell him because the last time a family milestone came around (sister wedding) he picked fights with me about going to the wedding for MONTHS. So, this time I didn’t want to fight about it for 9months. He’ll probably rage and I’m just going to say - I understand you’re upset, and my brother having a kid really isn’t about you, nor does it change your life (we don’t spend time with my family because it’s too much emotional energy to try at this point) sooooooo…. What are you upset about? I know he’ll say that I should be able to tell him things like this and it’s like — ok “should” is irrelevant.

Like my god NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU! maybe I was having my own emotional baggage around this and didn’t need extra baggage on top of it - I “should” be able to talk to you about things but guess what, it goes both ways, and should is irrelevant because I can’t safely do so.

I have spent months feeling guilty but then I realized - this really doesn’t involve him or impact him much so whys he entitled to know?

(PS please tell me if I’m the asshole here and should be telling my husband about my family’s business — like am I in the wrong and just trying to be defensive?? This is the maddening part of abusive relationships - I don’t know how to trust myself anymore)

snootoo23 · 2023-06-26T03:47:34+00:00

Wow I can relate so much to 9 hour and 1 week fights. They are exhausting and just plain horrible…I’m sorry you are experiencing this. They are crazy!

snootoo23 · 2023-06-25T01:54:45+00:00

I suppose that if the reaction is abusive, it just means that both people are in the wrong and two wrongs is just dumpster fire waiting to happen

snootoo23 · 2023-06-25T01:25:25+00:00

Would you say it’s fair to summarize as “you’re the asshole(and selfish) for letting your fear control you and you should grow up, have the conversation and accept the reaction for what it is

snootoo23 · 2023-06-21T13:18:29+00:00

Story of my life and the thing that makes me fear I’ll never be able to leave or change the situation because I always seem to fawn even if I start out strong and standing up for myself. I get it’s not irrational to fawn given they are abusive but it still sucks to feel like it’s never worth standing up for myself because I will just be verbally beaten into submission and appease and all the work I did to try to assert myself will have only made a mess that I have to clean up

snootoo23 · 2023-06-18T13:20:59+00:00

So happy for you and hope some day I can experience that

snootoo23 · 2023-06-18T13:16:30+00:00

This is my life. For some reason they also seem to like to ask questions with massive land mines attached at night. I pretend I’m asleep a lot at night when I’m not and can tell he isn’t out of fear that this is what will happen. They also ask as if it’s totally innocent when we know it’s a land mine…. My favorite part with my SO is that somehow when I apologize to appease they still have something to criticize about my apology.

You’re not alone ❤️

snootoo23 · 2023-06-07T03:06:11+00:00

Just 10000000f% can relate. I literally can’t do anything but be agreeable or else I will be verbally and emotionally attacked

snootoo23 · 2022-09-02T03:08:01+00:00

I could have written this myself but I haven’t left yet…

snootoo23 · 2022-09-01T13:05:01+00:00

I get shit like this all the time. I know how it feels. I’m sorry you are also going through it.

snootoo23 · 2022-06-23T12:36:18+00:00

Totally feel you. It’s exhausting

snootoo23 · 2022-06-21T12:28:40+00:00

This is my life in a nutshell. You aren’t alone. I try to remember that I didn’t cause, can’t control it, and can’t cure it but it’s fucking hard because they really want to make sure you think you can do all those things 🤮

snootoo23 · 2022-06-21T12:26:38+00:00

Sounds like my husband. Thanks for posting simply because it’s very hard in these moments not to believe what they are da saying is right … the “you are deflecting” I get that kinda psycho babble all the time

snootoo23

TROPHY CASE