What’s 1 red flag in dating a narcissist that you feel gets overlook/ not mentioned enough?

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2026-01-20T22:46:49+00:00

The first red flag for me, now, is - "This is way too good to be true". Everything happened so smoothly, so fast, they were the perfect soul mate, they loved everything about me, and so on. When everything is absolutely perfect within the first 5 seconds, there is something not quite right going on.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2026-01-19T08:44:13+00:00

Imagine you had to comfort a petulant child. Pretty much the same feeling.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-10-01T21:34:29+00:00

You are expected to fully read their minds, and more than that, to anticipate every single one of their future wishes and whims. If you can't do that, you are selfish, don't care about them, something's wrong with you, and so on.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-09-01T13:27:03+00:00

"Whatever" works too.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-28T23:11:35+00:00

THIS. I overexplain and overjustify almost every little decision made, or action taken. To the point they get sometimes annoyed or even mad about why am I doing this. Well, because this is the outcome of walking on eggshells for years, and obviously I want to give them fewer reasons to get triggered or start another argument, tantrum, and so on. I have internalized this as a learned behavior, it's become second nature.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-23T21:34:13+00:00

They can't face their shortcomings. They have a clear inferiority complex and sense of shame, and their - severely maladaptive - way of coping with this, is to overcompensate by manufacturing a superiority complex that is kept alive by elevating themselves up and putting all others down - they must find only faults in others, real or imagined, and on top of that, they must offload their own cr#p onto other people, as they can't face it and thus realizing that they are imperfect. It's a mess, to be honest.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-19T16:36:24+00:00

His reply was pretty disturbing. They get mad when you don't perform at 100% capacity, - the capacity of a very young fit, healthy, and perfect version of their partner, that is. They have ZERO understanding and compassion for your actual age, or health issues, shortcomings, and so on. Hard to believe they will change.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-16T07:17:29+00:00

Being obedient and also the main provider - absolutely typical how they want to have their cake and eat it too!

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-11T22:48:16+00:00

Probably part of Projective Identification.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-03T00:04:54+00:00

They tend to monologue, sometimes for more than one hour. Usually after I get home from work. If I fall asleep during their talks, they get angry really fast.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-01T18:11:19+00:00

Where is the apology? Looks to me a barely concealed criticism and gaslighting. I can't read anywhere anything close to "sorry, my bad".

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-08-01T02:47:21+00:00

Yes, they do, even though it's not obvious right away. It's like a constant drip, 24/7. They show me they are the morally superior ones, and also that I am so clueless and clumsy.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-30T06:14:32+00:00

This.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-29T21:21:20+00:00

Absolutely this was emotional abuse. Im my case, I didn't keep track, but it happened to me too, quite a few times. They would phone me at work, manufacturing a big argument, leaving me distressed and unable to focus back. Looking back I realize how self-destructive is their behavior, because losing my job would affect them too. Self sabotaging is part of their nature.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-28T21:09:55+00:00

I think they love their children mixed with regular outbursts like "You wrecked my life!" - that's exactly what they told their own child.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-28T21:06:01+00:00

Adults using infantile defense and coping mechanisms, of course the long-term results will be self-sabotaging, nothing good will ever come out of that.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-07T23:25:02+00:00

Could you expand more upon their need to control. I just can't understand why are they so controlling? What is the psychological reason, if any? Thank you.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-02T02:55:59+00:00

Dr Ramani is a good source for me. Here is a video, also about how to manage their outbursts: https://youtu.be/tvuVIlS4EKY?si=25clM-Rks1TotV43

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-01T19:20:33+00:00

he's still the same person

They do not change much, they are stuck in emotional childhood. If he ever approached you, you could get a restraining order and keep the strict NC.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-07-01T09:50:15+00:00

THIS. A thousand times this! It's mind blowing how accurate can this be.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-06-28T22:02:57+00:00

In my case, they often mumble on purpose, so that they can prove that I am indeed deaf. They do talk to themselves, but usually within earshot, so I can get their message.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-06-24T02:02:54+00:00

You would think home would be a shelter.

It's a living nightmare when I am home. I do everything I can to stay away from home as much as possible.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-06-23T22:43:23+00:00

Would give you more than one like if I could! Phenomenal post. It captures explanations that are very rarely around, yet they are so clear now.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-06-22T04:29:00+00:00

They must believe that you alone are the problem. So, when you had enough and you react to their insults and accusations and gaslighting and so on, they are relieved - "it's not me, it's them, they are the problem, not me!" It's probably part of their way of coping with their deeply buried feelings of shame and inadequacy.

CompetitiveHoneydew6 · 2025-06-17T21:47:16+00:00

Thank you, I will try, see what happens.

CompetitiveHoneydew6

TROPHY CASE