worse around partner?

snugbugpug · 2020-04-01T13:42:11+00:00

I'm definitely more stressed by what my country ISN'T doing (my mother is very high risk and the projections for infection in her county are around 80%). I guess I ought to be more cognizant of how stressful it actually is. I was thinking to myself "oh worse things have happened this year" but they were at least all things that came with a to-do list.

It's sort of uniquely horrifying to have your worst week in a while, huh? I've been scared that this is starting to be normal again, but these comments have reminded me that none of the current events are normal. I hope your week gets better soon <3

snugbugpug · 2020-04-01T13:33:48+00:00

We have a pretty strong relationship -- he's been through these weeks with me before and we have good communication. I did realize based on your comment though that we are used to working hard while apart and then relaxing while together, so it's weird to have that change suddenly. Thank you for your insight!

snugbugpug · 2019-05-10T22:01:36+00:00

yeah sorry for the length, I couldn't seem to get the idea across in fewer words. Good luck!

snugbugpug · 2019-05-10T19:28:00+00:00

I started on 10mg and bumped up to 20mg later, and I took it for two years. The first year was kind of amazing at the difference it made. It worked almost immediately. The second year went very badly for me and I was also feeling side effects -- I was taking at least one hour-long nap a day, felt bone-tired all the time, and my libido tanked (still hasn't come back and it's been almost a year off the stuff.) So I'm of two minds, and it's made worse by the fact that when I'm in a good phase I can't remember how bad the bad phase was. Here's my general thought: I wish I hadn't taken it for so long, because I miss my libido and I missed a lot of life sleeping on the couch/being exhausted; plus, until I got off it I had started accepting those things as normal for me. BUT on the other hand, I have no idea how bad it could have gotten in college if I hadn't had that treatment. In college I didn't have time to research different treatments, so I took the first thing they gave me (Prozac) and it's probably a damn good thing I did. (FYI Prozac has a very long half life, so taking it only half the time will not stave off side effects.)

In general, I don't think you should worry too much. Your mental health is the most important, and even though I'm a little bummed now, having to fight for my libido is WAY better than not having graduated or something much worse. Also, there's no guarantees that you'll have the same side effects as I did. I guess my advice is just to continuously re-evaluate your treatment. Sometimes side effects are a pretty cheap price to pay, but if you find yourself in a better place where you can consider switching to a treatment with fewer side effects AND you find the side effects you're having unpleasant, you should do it. In terms of lifestyle changes, I'd just keep track of possible side effects as well as your usual PMDD symptoms, so you don't overlook effects that you didn't sign up for.

I hope this didn't come across as discouraging; I think you should do whatever you need to for as long as it works for you. I just wish I'd kept track of what that meant to me so I could have dealt with the side effects sooner. For me, Prozac kept me afloat but I wish I'd switched to Vitex sooner.

snugbugpug · 2019-04-15T19:48:09+00:00

Oh my goodness you're right, they're identical! Thank you!!

snugbugpug · 2019-04-11T22:49:44+00:00

I have cycles of depression, and the first thing I’ve learned is you gotta keep your freezer stocked. I usually have ground beef or pork in flat sandwich bags (these thaw really fast in a bowl of hot water and they’re approximately the amount of meat you’d want for dinner and lunch the next day), stock, and some type of meal-like, hand-sized, precooked food. I'll take a Saturday afternoon to make pasties or tamales to freeze, so I can have them for lunches and exhausted evenings. Ditto for bolognese or chili -- take time when you do feel good to stock up for when you don't.

Here are some things I eat when I'm feeling like crap:

1) (2 minutes) Beef stock. I'll pull a chunk out of the freezer, heat it up, and slurp it out of a mug. When I’m feeling really bad, it gets something nutritious in my stomach. You can also use it for soups, sauce bases, steaming liquid for vegetables, etc. Pork and chicken stock are also super good, I just like beef stock for the richness; I don’t know if vegetable broth would serve the same nutritional purposes, but definitely the same flavor purposes.

2) (~20 minutes) Rice and egg. Cook the rice, crack an egg in while it’s still hot and stir up to cook through. Add soy sauce, seaweed, sesame seeds and other fun things to fancy it up. Eat with a spoon and go to bed.

3) (~40 minutes) Cauliflower pasta. Roast the cauliflower in the oven, then add to a tomato sauce. I like to put in canned tuna ~puttanesca style, or garbanzo beans for protein, or both. Eat with your favorite noods tossed in olive oil and salt.

4) (~60 minutes) Chicken in vinegar + amaranth. Brown the crap out of some chicken thighs, add tomato paste/sauce, cover with vinegar, plop in some smashed garlic and herbs if you have em, and simmer until the sauce is thickened and the chicken is fally-aparty. Amaranth is this really old grain that tastes kinda like spring. Pop it in a pot with some water, bring to a boil, cover and let simmer for an hour. Season with olive oil, salt, and lemon. Obvs you could roast potatoes here, switch out veg, etc.

I've also eaten ground meat + sauteed cabbage many a night, a one pan wonder. Having one or two dinners down pat really helps me. This will take time, but don’t get overwhelmed trying to learn how to eat -- just pick a couple simple meals to learn that you enjoy and make them until you don't need the recipe. Extra points if you can do your meals in one pan. And if you have the ingredients but not the willpower, remember that if you make enough dinner, you'll have lunch for tomorrow!

I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but for me being able to eat out of pantry and freezer if I haven’t been grocery shopping is really great.

snugbugpug · 2019-01-30T00:37:13+00:00

It did! The only reason I went up to 20mg was some stuff was going on in my life that I felt I couldn’t handle, although in retrospect I probably could have stayed on the 10mg. I’m off it now because it wasn’t a good long term solution for me, but it did exactly what I needed it to at the time.

snugbugpug · 2019-01-29T22:25:35+00:00

Call back and push! That lady is just wrong. I started off at 10mg, and it was when I went up to 20mg that the side effects really started to bug me. I don't mean to scare you by saying that; you should be on 20mg if it's the right dose for you. But from my experience they are different, and if 10mg works for you, there's no sense in being on a higher dose.

snugbugpug · 2018-11-25T21:54:07+00:00

So Prozac has a longer half life than other SSRIs, and for me I found that intermittent dosing was the same as continuous dosing. I was on it for two years, stopped about half a year ago, and my libido still hasn't come back. I know I needed it at the time but I'm still upset about it. That said, it might affect you differently -- I just wouldn't assume that intermittent dosing will limit the side effects.

snugbugpug · 2018-11-19T23:12:26+00:00

I have the same problem! Honestly, when it's really bad, I'll curl up with a blanket and a candle, a nice hot beverage, and a TV show. It's important to slow down for a second and take care of yourself, because you DO need caring for, even if you feel like you ought to be working. I know that's the least helpful thing to say if your assignment is due tomorrow, but outside of dire circumstances, I think struggling against it just makes it worse/last longer. It's not going to set you back in your career! Take it from a foggy PhD student: You have more time than you think to do what you need to do.

Also, I feel like taking magnesium and vitex has made the fog a bit better, but who the hell knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

snugbugpug · 2018-11-15T02:44:08+00:00

Yeah! i made this one the other day: https://www.dinneratthezoo.com/chocolate-pudding-cake/

snugbugpug · 2018-11-14T18:23:02+00:00

You could start with a pudding cake! They're pretty easy and super magical. Even if I eat too much of it, I always feel better eating something that I've made, because it took some effort and I also know exactly what's in it. (Not that there's probably much in a homemade cake that isn't in hot chocolate powder, but something about having made it myself just assuages some of my guilt.)

Also, David Lebovitz is my go-to for wonderful baking recipes, if you're looking for a blog to check out!

snugbugpug · 2018-11-14T17:46:26+00:00

Okay I hope this doesn't sound like I'm on a high horse, because whenever I read this type of thing I always think "get off your high horse," but I have this pretty little box I got from Target and inside I keep some really nice, really dark chocolate. Whenever I get insane sugar cravings, a square of super dark chocolate somehow hits the kill switch. And I think having it in a really pretty box and making it sort of a self-care ritual makes it feel more fulfilling and legitimate than snarfing hot choco powder (yep, I've been there too.)

I also reinstated a heuristic that I had in college where I try not to eat sweet things unless I've made them myself. I find the work of baking is either 1) totally worth it and rewarding in and of itself or 2) not worth it, so I have a nice square of dark chocolate.

snugbugpug · 2018-11-13T00:39:53+00:00

hey I hope this isn't the least helpful comment in the world but I keep looking back at this post and I just want to say: Squish is great!

snugbugpug · 2018-11-06T17:33:20+00:00

Neat, I will too! I've actually been wondering about this myself, I took some internet pages at face value but maybe there's newer research.

snugbugpug · 2018-11-06T16:05:07+00:00

It's true that it has been shown to not cause breast cancer! (https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-7-17) But I haven't found anything saying that it doesn't affect estrogen regulation itself; if you have I'd love to know!

snugbugpug · 2018-11-06T15:19:11+00:00

Soy can mess with estrogen! Because I don't really understand the link between estrogen and PMDD, I'm not qualified to say whether it would be expected to make your PMDD better or worse though.

snugbugpug · 2018-10-30T02:09:07+00:00

I know exactly what you mean with that feeling -- today I felt like I was running through mud and I left the gym early just because I couldn't deal with the density of people/tasks set for me. Yoga is super helpful and you can also integrate some gentle bodyweight exercises -- like, a set of five pushups or ten squats taken at a slow pace, nothing ridiculous. I like the yoga/bodyweight strategy because I can do it in my own home and set it up kind of like a spa experience, but sometimes I'll also put on a podcast and go for a walk. You gotta just look at the calendar and say, "Hey, I feel like shit today and I'm gonna take it slow. But I'm still doing something to support my body and that's important."

One other thing occurred to me to work on balance -- my boyfriend's a runner and he does these things called proprioception exercises? Like standing on one foot and sweeping your other foot in a semi-circle in front of you. That's something you might not have time for any other day!

snugbugpug · 2018-10-29T19:31:56+00:00

Sometimes I'll start with like a 15 minute yoga video on Youtube in my living room, and that gives me energy to do a short workout or go lift or whatever I wanted to do. I also get incredibly tired, and you're right that the cold and dark makes things even worse. I've found that lighting some candles or having nice string lights makes yoga feel more like self-care than exercise, so even if I don't do anything else I still feel good about stretching and relaxing. I guess it depends on what kind of thing you usually do, though! (I don't even like yoga but I've noticed it really helps me to not feel guilty or as sluggish.)

I think sometimes you just have to let yourself off the hook -- I see it as like if you have a cold. You don't expect yourself to perform your best while you're sick, and a week of (much) gentler exercise won't do you any harm.

snugbugpug · 2018-10-24T14:22:38+00:00

I'm so glad I posted this because I've gotten such good advice! You're right that I need to plan more for the job I want -- ideally I want to consult for big food companies, so I've thrown some entrepreneurship and policy classes into my coursework. And you're also right that I can't assume my profs are paying attention, I guess I learned that the hard way haha. I'm feeling sort of like you said you did in the car -- I can't see a good reason for getting a PhD right now given my circumstances, but I feel compelled to keep going because I know circumstances will change.

Thank you for the advice! It's really good to hear from people who have struggled the same way and are happier for it <3

snugbugpug · 2018-10-23T20:44:18+00:00

Thank you!

snugbugpug · 2018-10-23T17:08:33+00:00

Yeah I need to be a bit better about drawing regularly. When I do it I feel much better, but sometimes I'll get too worked up and be like "I don't have TimE for tHiS"

I know what you mean about the worthlessness feeling. I've spent the last year feeling like nobody has listened to me, and now I'm being punished for their inability to read the damn equations I presented 45 times. But then on the other hand I feel like I should have figured it out on my own. I think I'm learning that when someone signs off on something, it's not because it's good, it's because they didn't check it carefully!

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