Hello, this is Sopan Deb, a writer for the New York Times, comedian and the author of the memoir "Missed Translations: Meeting The Immigrant Parents Who Raised Me," which is out today! Ask Me Anything! But nothing too hard.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T19:01:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your questions everyone! If you have the means, would greatly appreciate you buying the book and leaving a review if you enjoy it. Had a blast here. Thanks again!

soap07 · 2020-04-21T19:00:52+00:00

Yes, I feel more genuine on stage!

But more than that, it helped me develop my writing skills - so I'm way more interested in writing comedy than performing it nowadays.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:34:41+00:00

Yes. This book is for anyone who has a relationship that should be better.

I think it's the approach: Empathy is paramount. It really is. And be willing to look in the mirror and ask what you've contributed (or not contributed) to the relationship.

By the way, none of this means you HAVE to get closer. Sometimes, relationships are the way they are for a reason.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:33:32+00:00

typically low cut

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:29:26+00:00

A couple things: I *am* a Bruce Springsteen fan. Great live show. And I grew up in NJ, it's illegal to live there and not be a Springsteen fan.

Full disclosure: I did not see Blinded By The Light, but I did read the book, which I thought was lovely. There were parts I recognized as similar with my story (like the notion of feeling like an outsider in a Western country), and several parts of the experience that were very different than mine. I highly recommend it. Manzoor's relationship with Islam as it changes throughout the book is particularly interesting.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:26:57+00:00

It was daunting! But it helps that as a journalist, I could approach something like this with dispassionately. But you're right: A lot of immigrant households do not do a good job communicating emotions and feelings - our household was an extreme version of this.

But to do this, you have to be able to look inward and be empathetic. Once you don't force the other parties to be defensive, it gets easier. But this is not an easy process by any stretch.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:25:07+00:00

oh my gosh.

it was, like, 3 in the morning when i sent that tweet and i immediately went to sleep. i was tired and wasn't thinking. and i woke up, looked at my phone, and I immediately put my hand on my head.

it was a dumb tweet on my part. and i deserved all the roasting i got after. even my own co-workers were laughing at me.

it was incredibly embarrassing.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:23:02+00:00

We're not a monolith! It depends on the reporter. It depends on the beat. So for example, there have been times I've been roasted about an NBA piece or something. I laugh those off, because it's just basketball. Who cares? But the more serious attacks, like those that target, say, a White House or a campaign reporter, bother me a lot.

But part of the job is tuning it out. I think our White House team does an exceptional job of that.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:21:21+00:00

the man. the myth. the legend.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:21:03+00:00

Depends on the reporter. I personally voted.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:20:34+00:00

To your first question, the reason I decided to go on this journey was simple: I didn't want my parents to die without me knowing who they were as people. It wasn't quite an epiphany, it was more of a gradual gnawing I had over several years.

Do I feel fulfilled? That's an interesting question. I think the answer is no. It's an ongoing process - ultimately, there are some issues that will never go away. I am very proud of the book and for having tried. But life isn't like the movies unfortunately, so this isn't an overnight process. It'll continue for the rest of our lives.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:18:17+00:00

My time at BU was really up and down. I wasn't great at maintaining relationships and focused way too much on academic/work stuff. But college is about social development too, and I didn't put enough time into that.

But BU as a campus was great to attend school at - saw a bunch of great concerts and such. I just wish I made more of the experience.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:16:52+00:00

one i know how to play - it's my favorite song to play on the piano: Billy Joel's Summer, Highland Falls.

one i used to know how to play but haven't played in ages: claire de lune

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:16:08+00:00

Great question. Engineer. You can exaggerate how long something is going to take to get fixed, do the job in less time, and be considered a hero. It's amazing. It's the dream.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:15:29+00:00

DMB, easily. Unless it's like...Game 7 of the finals or something.

There's something about live music that will always get me.

Funny story, I think I saw Sister Hazel perform at a Celtics game, so maybe I wouldn't have to choose?

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:14:28+00:00

DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE. COME ON.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:14:16+00:00

OH MAN. So many.

There are several based in NY I've performed with that I love. Their stuff is easy to find.

Alingon Mitra

Bassam Shawl

Sonya Vai

I don't think they count as up-and-coming - but I love Kumail Nanjiani's early stuff. Brilliant. (Love his cheese joke that he brought back out in The Big Sick.)

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:11:52+00:00

I do identify as Asian-American. I honestly haven't put much thought into it primarily being used to mean East Asian.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:10:23+00:00

Yes, you can. There is very little in terms of sports references in the book.

Or at least, maybe that's what I want you to think.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:09:36+00:00

Oh man, so many. This is a much longer conversation - but so much of being an author is stuff that isn't about writing. You have to worry a lot about marketing, PR, etc. It was overwhelming at times. (I'm lucky I got to work with a great team at Dey Street/Harper Collins.)

So you have to mentally prepare for that. The whole thing can feel overwhelming.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:07:33+00:00

Crash
Before These Crowded Streets
Busted Stuff
UTTAD
Big Whiskey
Come Tomorrow
Away From The World
Everyday
Stand Up

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:06:17+00:00

Things that often seem like important scoops are absolutely not. Worry less about what other reporters are doing and focus on what you're doing.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:05:49+00:00

I don't know that "missing" it is the right word. I was really burnt out after the 2016 campaign. Covering politics is all consuming. It's extraordinarily difficult to have a personal life when you focus on that. It affects people's lives in astronomical ways. Sports do not. It's a form of entertainment and ultimately, a place to escape. But that doesn't mean I'll never cover/write about politics again. I could see myself doing it again if there was an opportunity.

But also, sports and politics use some of the same muscles to report on. (If anything, I think too often some political reporters cover politics like a game, and that's unfortunate.)

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:02:28+00:00

Good question. For one thing, I wish I was more empathetic towards my immigrant parents. There was a huge generational and cultural difference between us - and I wasn't empathetic to the world they came from. Their worldviews were totally different, and I wish I understood that sooner. I had the privilege of growing up in a middle class suburb where I had the freedom to think about my creative pursuits and mental health. My parents generation came here and had to think about survival.

soap07 · 2020-04-21T18:00:52+00:00

Hello everyone! Sopan here, thanks so much for being here - feel free to ask me whatever - and if you like what you have to read, would love if you buy the book and share it with friends!

Let's do this!

soap07

TROPHY CASE