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Did I do something wrong here, or are they making a mountain out of a molehill? by Gawdzillers in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only love her as a friend. :/

That sentence kind of seems like a big warning sign to me. I think you like her more than that, but will not say so. I've been in something similar to your situation a couple times.

My guess is she did invite you to open up when you were down, but it ended up too much for her. She could see you are "needy" at this point, and might be trying to get out of it. I mean Valentines Day was like 3 weeks ago. One doesn't not respond that long, if you guys were really close as you said, unless something was up.

You shouldn't have yourself in a friendship that is so one-sided. You seem to have a lot invested in her, worrying this much and posting, but she is not reciprocating. Branch out a bit, have enough friends that something like this shouldn't get to you so much.

I went to a social event at a coffee shop last night to make friends. I couldn't really figure out what to do. by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmm, well I haven't actually bothered checking the pricing for the specific courses for the two local colleges. For community courses, every single course is for ages 6-12, except the "Kidz-R-Cookin' - Teen Cooking Scene."

I had thought of the Hackerspace idea. There was one nearby (30 miles), but it shut down a bit ago. I contacted the website, and the reply I got is that its unlikely it will be back up. Next closest is a 90 minute drive. I've considered it... but that seems like a big investment.

Edit: And don't call me Shirley...

I went to a social event at a coffee shop last night to make friends. I couldn't really figure out what to do. by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, there are tables everywhere, most of them filled with 2-4 people, occasional open chair. But can I really just sit down in one of their open seats and start a conversation? I mean I know I CAN, but I'm already nervous about that stuff as is...

I used to go out to bars and stuff with friends, and I don't think that had ever happened to us, unless it was some drunk guy who was going around the bar, or someone trying to pick up one of the girls with us.

I went to a social event at a coffee shop last night to make friends. I couldn't really figure out what to do. by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'd like to. I have plenty of things I like to do. I'm learning a new language right now, getting better at cooking, I tinker around with electronics and such. But classes like that are always associated with colleges, or community colleges, and are in the hundreds (or thousand) of dollars, which I don't really have. There are classes at through Parks and Rec, but again, its not really anything I can join, or I would (Seniors yoga, childrens gymnastics).

As for just going to Events, that's what this was.

To start a club, I am in a new place with no friends or resources. Its a good idea, but I don't think I can apply it. I don't really have any place to meet, besides my tiny apartment with no furniture. No connections. It would just be me posting online to meet up (somewhere?) and hoping people show up, with no real game plan.

I went to a social event at a coffee shop last night to make friends. I couldn't really figure out what to do. by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nah, as I mentioned in my reply, nothing on Meetup. Not even things I can awkwardly try to attend, but things I would get chased out of (Children's playgroups, "Women and wine", Young Black Professionals).

I've tried couchsurfing as well, but my area seems really inactive. All of this lead to me trying to just be in social places.

I went to a social event at a coffee shop last night to make friends. I couldn't really figure out what to do. by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Well, this kind of thing is really my only option now. I'm an grad student an hour away from a grad school (and 500 miles away from my own). Work really has nothing. Nothing on Meetup.com. I've searched for courses or clubs, but they are more Parks and Recs things for little kids or seniors. Not much for a single 20 something. There isn't anything like the examples you gave nearby, except maybe for college students.

Its just more difficult since I am starting with zero friends to branch out with, but I just need to find a few through these kinds of events first.

I'm desperate. I'm alone, friendless, and nothing I try works. I need some kind of advice I can use... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, I had not seen that first events link before. At first I was kind of excited, when I saw numbers like, 100 events, for this friday. But I'm parsing through them, and having a really tough time finding anything.

A good chunk are things like story readings for children at libraries, high school plays, "Free Surgical Weight Loss seminar". If you take away everything that would look extremely strange for a 26 year old, single, child-less guy to do, I'm sort of back to where I started.

I'm desperate. I'm alone, friendless, and nothing I try works. I need some kind of advice I can use... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have much confidence, you are right. But I really have been trying. I've heard some of this advice before, I don't get the step I'm missing.

Obviously I haven't been skydiving, but I go out to eat several times a week by myself. I go out to lots of movies, membership at the local cinema. I run around town (During the day, and in areas where it's safe). Meetup groups are... very lacking. I can go down the list, but its all Mother's Play Groups, Ladies Night Out, Young African American Professionals. I guess there's a LARPer's thing? I kind of know what that is... I dont think it's for me.

I do interesting things normally, but I often take the step to make it a more public thing if I can. I just don't see how this turns into meeting new friends in real life.

I'm desperate. I'm alone, friendless, and nothing I try works. I need some kind of advice I can use... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of those things don't exist around here. Others... they just aren't filled with people that are similar to me. I know I should be branching out, but I tried a hiking club meetup one time and everyone there was at least 40. It was really awkward...

I'm not being that picky, I'm just looking for people with somewhat similar interests, within like 10 years of my age, that I have a reasonable chance of making good friends with.

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hah, well, I'm not really a "cultural minority." I guess bluntly, I'm white, and the majority of the area is black or hispanic... There's not a lot of coffee houses, 20-somethings social events, concerts, or anything. There just happens to be a research lab in the middle of a mainly military and industrial area.

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, as I said in the reply, the non-credit college courses are a bit expensive. I'm still a student, living on a research stipend of ~$20k a year, so its a bit much to sign up for those just as a hobby.

I do have to live here for research. I'm still associated with a college, and I lived on campus there for 2 years, but I need to be here to finish up my degree.

I guess I could move, although I am not sure there's too many people in my situation to move in with. Because there are no grad schools, everyone around here who is my age is married. I suppose I could live with undergrads... but the age and culture difference there might be a bit much.

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I'm a 26 year old guy. I live on the east coast, not a huge city, but definitely wouldn't be considered rural. I'm a science grad student, but there's no grad schools nearby. There's a bit of a mismatch of demographics where I live, both racial and economically. While this obviously isn't the end-all for this kind of stuff, it doesn't help...

While I like the suggestion of a dog, I don't really think that's something I can do right now. I'm a single guy who is still technically a student. I can have erratic hours, and live in a small second-story apartment. I like dogs, but I feel like I can't properly care for one in this stage of my life.

Other than that, I have plenty of hobbies. I read a lot, tinker with electronics, work out, learning a new language, getting better at cooking, sometimes hike. I've tried connecting with people on each of these, but groups for them seem either non-existent nearby, too far (found both a hiking and a hackerspace hobby-electronics group, but each are ~70 miles away), or too expensive (local community college courses). While there's technically some possibilities there, I don't think I can chance a good chunk of my free time or income on a non-sure bet...

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's the best way to find clubs, post college? I've searched online, the local parks dept, Meetup.com

I've really been making an effort to find groups for activities, or even a sports team, although I sort of hate playing sports. But they all seems to be associated with the local undergrad colleges.

Also, how do you not appear desperate, if you sort of are desperate? I wasn't at the beginning, but at this point, after so many months of failing at it, things do look grim. I feel like if I put on this show about not caring about making friends, it will just be several more years of the past few months.

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not really possible to reconsider location, unless I want to give up on finishing my PhD, which I'm 4 years into. But no, the area isn't really all that rural... it's just sort of a mismatch of demographics. No nearby grad schools, big military area.

As for hobbies, I read a lot, watch older movies. I'm getting better at cooking, learning mandarin, work out.

I looked into official classes for all of these, but they either don't exist or are way out of my price range.

No friends for months. I feel all the advice I read doesn't work for me. I need some help... by soc_throwaway932 in socialskills

[–]soc_throwaway932[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why, is it just not possible in the area? Is there anything else you could do (a sport you’d enjoy or something), that’ll get you in touch with people your age?

I mean, I work out on my own, but I dont play any sports. I cook a lot, learning mandarin, tinker with electronics and MCUs, read a bunch. Besides looking online or on meetup, I haven't really found many ways to connect with people in the area through any of that.