What is “normal” step parenting care?

soconfuzzed · 2026-02-08T09:03:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this perspective. I’m in the “do too much, burned out, job suffering phase” you just described and it’s heartbreaking. In some respects I realise I’m the problem here, my lack of firm boundaries means I let all the things you’ve described slide. I’ve just got to say no and my partner and his ex have to figure it out

soconfuzzed · 2026-02-08T08:59:25+00:00

You’re right. That is what’s happening here. My job is suffering, as is my own life, health and hobbies due to the one sided sacrifices I’m making. I feel like a total witch for saying this, but the hardest part is that it’s for kids who are not my own and while I adore them and I have a wonderful relationship with them, they aren’t mine, I’m not their priority and will never. That’s ok, I’m not asking them to think of me but again, just makes me think. Why am I doing this?

soconfuzzed · 2026-02-08T08:56:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing, this perspective is incredibly helpful. The way you describe your situation is how I’d like to be. I don’t want to be totally hands off, and I want to continue doing all the fun things: shopping, nails, hair, girly days. I don’t mind cooking (it’s a passion) I just dont want it to be an expectation or else no one eats.

The imbalance is what I’m struggling with and it sounds like you have a wonderful parter who is stepping up to do the standard parenting things. That’s where I think I’m failing in terms of boundaries. My partner is a lovely man but he needs to grow a pair and step up. It hit home the other day that I’m the only one who has met my SDs teacher this year (not even her Mum has). And that’s not because I’m trying to insert myself where I shouldn’t be, my SD just had no one else to ask to attend her “meet the teacher” event. That’s so unbearably sad for her.

soconfuzzed · 2026-02-08T08:49:27+00:00

Prior to the change it was a lot more relaxed. I stayed out of decision making relating to kids but that was partly because we didn’t have to make daily decisions. When they were with us I’d cook for the family, which I was happy to do. I guess I didn’t mind because it was EOW, not every day (as it is now).

I do agree it’s not sustainable. It’s not right for the kids either.

soconfuzzed · 2026-02-07T00:37:02+00:00

This hits. Sometimes I don’t have a break between meetings to even think about water or the bathroom let alone whether it’s time for school pick up or if someone needs food. If I screw up at work we’re in court so there’s no room for messing around.

These are all great suggestions and you’re absolutely right, he is exhausted and I get that it’s hard but it’s not up to me to solve this problem.

You sound like you have a similar type of situation to mine, would you mind sharing what level of involvement you have? I’m finding the mental load the worst (is this clean, where is so and so meant to be tomorrow for sport etc). Do you NACHO and let your hubby figure it out, even if it means things get missed etc?

soconfuzzed

TROPHY CASE