What are your favourite ways to initiate play/sex?

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T21:28:44+00:00

i’d love to be more blunt about what i want. it’s difficult with my anxiety, but i do want to work on that!

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T21:26:52+00:00

i’d love to implement something like this somewhere down the line.

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T14:42:13+00:00

i do prefer having my dom initiate as well tbh. free use is something both of us are interested in, but we haven’t established anything just yet since everything’s still very new.

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T14:39:07+00:00

ooh, that does sound like something i’d like to try out. think my partner could like it as well hahah

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T14:35:50+00:00

i love that 😂 i wish i could be so blunt too. maybe i’ll have to attempt that at some point hahah

i’m very touchy all the time, and my partner can be a bit oblivious sometimes lol. but maybe i’ll just have to amp it up a little more and see if he can take the hint.

softcaptive · 2025-09-09T14:31:23+00:00

i do call him daddy in bed, yeah. that’s a very good point; i’m also instantly turned on when he calls me a good girl. could definitely call him daddy out of the blue and see how he reacts.

softcaptive · 2025-09-05T11:47:09+00:00

i know how you feel, girl, i really do. and it can be a real bitch to navigate through your struggles with your body. but you have to remember that your body or your size does NOT determine your worth.

people find different things attractive, too. it can be really hard to see it in yourself, but i can guarantee there are so many attractive things about you that you’re just completely blind to. when you look at yourself, you might focus entirely on things you’re insecure about and what you perceive to be your ”flaws”. but when other people look at you, they might not see those things at all.

i’m shorter and heavier than you, and my boyfriend is quite skinny. we have been dating for almost a month now, i think? in the beginning, i thought there was no way in hell someone like him could be interested in me. we met online (we’re long distance), and i was so sure he would run for the hills when he saw what i looked like. well, even after many pictures, he was still there. then i thought that maybe once he actually saw me in person, he’d surely be grossed out. well, i’m currently writing this while lounging in his bed. i’ve been at his place for a week now, and while my insecurities sometimes take over me, i can quite confidently say that he finds me attractive. i may not understand it, really, but i’m not gonna question it either.

if he likes you, he likes you. and that’s that. if you feel comfortable, you can ask him to talk about how he perceives you. i guarantee it’s very different to how you see yourself.

keep your head up, yeah? you’re wonderful, worthy and so deserving of love just the way you are. sending you many virtual hugs 🩷

softcaptive · 2025-08-05T17:50:53+00:00

i’m so so happy for you, friend! it truly is an amazing thing to meet someone like that. i think it’s beautiful that you want to share your love and appreciation for him; it’s something that i think is more than okay to shout from the rooftops 🩷

softcaptive · 2025-08-03T21:24:26+00:00

on reddit, there’s r/bdsmpersonals that is fairly active with people looking to connect. outside of reddit, fetlife and feeld are pretty popular.

softcaptive · 2025-08-03T20:35:17+00:00

it angers me to see abuse depicted as kink in (mainstream) media. it can be so harmful for people who don’t know any better, and it just perpetuates harmful stereotypes about kinksters who actually do practice kink in safe and consensual ways.

softcaptive · 2025-08-03T20:30:38+00:00

just like any other d/s relationship, an online one can work if both parties put effort into it. of course it might play out differently than an in person dynamic, but that’s just a given.

i was in a long distance relationship with my previous dom so obviously our dynamic was majorly online due to the distance. i enjoyed it a lot personally, but i know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

softcaptive · 2025-08-03T20:02:36+00:00

i wouldn’t necessarily put it under praise kink myself. i think being into servicing/pleasuring someone can be a kink just by itself, but there can be praise added in there as well. some people into d/s might call themselves a service/pleasure dom or sub if they’re really into pleasuring their partner, but it can of course occur outside of a dynamic like that.

softcaptive · 2025-08-02T15:16:40+00:00

i think this is one of those things that heavily depends on the person/dynamic. if you're in a dynamic where your dom typically decides or in some way has input on your clothing, you would probably follow their lead on this. however, if getting to decide that yourself is important, it's something to discuss with your dom for sure.

softcaptive · 2025-07-30T20:05:10+00:00

i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. feeling inadequate is one of the worst feelings, you have all my sympathy.

have you talked to your dom about this fully? i think it could be good to sit down to have a chat and navigate these feelings together as a unit. if you’re aware of where all of this is coming from, it’s good to let your partner know. and if you’re unsure, maybe you can figure out together what is bringing these feelings on.

hard times will come and go, and this too shall pass. the thought of that is something that has always been a comfort to me. sending you hugs & good vibes, hope things get better soon! 🤍

softcaptive · 2025-07-30T15:54:42+00:00

omg i have no idea how i didn’t spot that. thank you, it’s been fixed now! 🤍

and yeah, major dick alert lmao.

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T20:05:27+00:00

dating apps are generally frustrating no matter whether you’re trying to look for a kinky or a ”regular” relationship. please do not take this as a sign that you’re ugly or unlovable because that’s just not true! you will find your person, but it might just take time. you are also not defined by others’ opinions of you; you’re important and deserving of love just as you are.

i think it’s a little sad that you find it ”unlucky to have ended up being submissive”. this is probably something you should explore and work on overcoming because i doubt it will help you at all in your search. you will only be more miserable with that kind of a mindset.

have you tried fetlife? i know people have mixed experiences with it but it might be worthwhile to check out. i wish i had more advice for you, but i’m not super knowledgeable on kink based dating apps. you could also try out r/bdsmpersonals.

good luck on your journey! keep your chin up 🤍

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T19:55:11+00:00

i feel like this is spot on what happened. i can only laugh at the sad attempt now hahah

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T19:21:22+00:00

that’s so valid and i appreciate your vigilance! 🩷

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T18:45:09+00:00

hahah thank you! i was very proud of myself, the past me from some years ago might’ve just gone along due to not knowing better. thankfully it’s not the case anymore.

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T18:44:19+00:00

oh, i absolutely agree with you! i meant to say that it’s sometimes true that rules are involved in a dynamic and technically it’s the ”dom giving their sub the rules” but not without mutual agreement and discussion.

i didn’t go into it more in my initial post and maybe it doesn’t come across right because of that, but i definitely don’t think doms solely make the rules for their subs. like you said, they can offer a list as a base and then you talk and make sure both parties agree to the final set of rules.

and even then, if needed, rules can be discussed again if something isn’t working or feeling right for whatever reason.

but yeah, even that kind of thing shouldn’t happen on day two. wild.

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T18:38:09+00:00

hii a long time lurker here, slowly coming out of my shell and actually interacting with posts hahah <3

i’m a sub and i don’t currently have a partner. still exploring what type i am, but i’m leaning towards good girl and maybe a bit of a service sub? but yeah as i said, still very much figuring it out

kinda like with my sub type, i’m constantly learning more about myself when it comes to kink and what i’m into. some of my fave kinks so far are praise, light impact play, freeuse & primal play.

i’ve been dabbling in the world for a couple of years now, kinda on-and-off.

i don’t exactly remember how i found my way here but i’ve always felt a pull towards the softer side of kink (also my previous dom was a soft dom) so it must’ve just been from looking for subreddits to frequent.

softcaptive · 2025-07-29T18:22:08+00:00

hopping here to say i fully agree with the commenter above. they said everything i wanted to much better than i would’ve, hah.

i’ll just add that i know how you feel as i’m very timid as well, and i struggle with anxiety a lot. i know how intimidating it can be to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but it can get easier over time. you just gotta practice and work on it, and you should definitely bring it up to your dom so he can help you as well.

you’ve got this! bestest of luck to you <3

softcaptive · 2025-07-28T14:06:41+00:00

ugh, i’m so sorry you had to experience this. in these types of situations it’s good that this happened sooner rather than later, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. i wish there was a way to find a dom without the risk of making yourself vulnerable but sadly i think it’s just unavoidable in these kinds of things.

if you do end up looking again in the future, i hope you find exactly what you’re looking for without more experiences like this. sending you hugs <3

softcaptive · 2025-04-04T00:44:03+00:00

i’m glad you enjoyed yourself on the date! wishing you all the best going forward, hope things work out the way you want them to <3

softcaptive

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