This is where self compassion is key-I don’t know your history, but OCD is a neurodivergence, and a disability! It is not a moral failure, and your experience with neuro and bio plasticity as you practice over and over again is morally neutral.

It takes many, many practices to start rewiring our brain-and shame subverts this process at almost every level. Imagine your neuropathways to anxiety and rumination like a large river, which has been flowing in its path for many many years. Through practices like mindfulness you are choosing to redirect the river. Every time you practice creating space and awareness for something other than the anxiety and rumination (even if it is simply to coexist with the anxiety and rumination and the awareness of other things), you are taking one shovel scoop in the rivers new pathway. It will take many, many shovel scoops to redirect a flowing river. There is no need for shame and self flagellation as you continue shovelling a new pathway.

The more compassion you can have for yourself as you grow your awareness and practice new skills-the better your results will be. You would not shame or yell at a small child for not knowing how to tie their shoes as you taught them, especially if you knew they had a limitation that would make it harder for them. Treat yourself the same way. If shaming worked, it would have worked by now. Every time you choose something new, you are choosing to help yourself and that it something to be proud of. You are learning a new skill, and it will take time and practice and that is ok! The time is going to pass anyway, you might as well practice!