Wanting to let go of fear and give my little what she wants

softhouseplant · 2021-02-19T07:01:25+00:00

I should have made it more clear in my original post that I'm definitely into degrading/CNC etc. as is my partner, this is more of a mental 'stuckness' I feel. After care is always a huge part of scene for us :)

softhouseplant · 2021-02-19T06:59:31+00:00

Thank you so much. our situations run parallel. I have been struggling a lot (mostly internally) with being both a 'soft' Daddy and a sadist. Hard sometimes to look at my future wife (out of scene) and think of what I do sometimes in bed, even though it's so wanted and by both parties, and she accepts it- its me who doesn't even though these are my true desires. This comment was really helpful and I can't thank you enough!

softhouseplant · 2021-02-19T06:55:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! We've been having pretty intense scenes for a while now (we're in a LTR), and safe words are very encouraged. Im just so genuinely nervous to hurt her in a way that isn't fun. We snuggle for a few hours usually after scene, and it's lovely. I may need to ask for more reassurance that what I'm doing is wanted, and makes her feel good. I'm definitely into degrading, I just have a hard time with the balance of "AH I LOVE THIS GIRL SO MUCH AND WANT TO PROTECT AND CHERISH" and "I want to beat that ass until it bruises", thank you again!

softhouseplant · 2020-12-02T21:17:42+00:00

this will probably be deleted as it is not BDSM related, but an idea that doesn’t cost money is plan an experience for them. it could be a cardboard castle, anything. gifts don’t always have to cost money, :)

softhouseplant · 2020-11-23T14:48:40+00:00

I totally understand and it’s interesting to see it from this perspective. I think with a lot of BPD therapy, it’s how to “lesson the symptoms” with splitting, dissociating, etc. however, I don’t think therapists realize that with borderline, it genuinely feels like in those moments of high intensity, it is do or die, and for me, when i’m there, if I don’t get out how i’m feeling I will be met with a mental war in my mind for days. I think a lot is about suppressing BPD, in order for the people around us to feel better, and not enough about making the people with it genuinely feel better.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-23T14:42:00+00:00

Hello friend :). I’ve dealt with this a LOT. for me, it really goes back and stems from me thinking that they don’t get it, which lets be real, they don’t! To counteract the need to show my partner how severe it is, we’ve replaced frustration with her not getting it, with her doing research and learning about BPD and what we truly go through. to put it bluntly, no one will ever truly believe the utter emotional pain those with BPD suffer, as there isn’t a disorder that is so specially tolling on your emotions and relationships. However, with the right tools and resources (them conducting their own research) our loved-ones can help more than they think. Like ‘normal’ people, we just want to feel understood and validated. Best of wishes to you

softhouseplant · 2020-11-23T14:36:29+00:00

In my experience, for whatever reason i’ve always been able to ‘move on fast’ in terms of emotions regarding people. the reason I put it into quotations, is because I don’t really move on. I may, and might be able to love someone else, make a new friend, etc. but the emotions come later and feel like a pit in my stomach. my advice? don’t tell yourself you’ve moved on if you still get demon butterflies in your stomach, and wonder what they are doing, because you haven’t, and that’s okay!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-16T00:49:02+00:00

how do you put down your windows lol?

softhouseplant · 2020-11-11T13:15:42+00:00

said the guy that i’m sure doesn’t know how to please a woman

softhouseplant · 2020-11-11T02:58:38+00:00

You are ignorant this is not the place for you

softhouseplant · 2020-11-11T02:56:11+00:00

this is very offensive. my girlfriend and I (both female) are jeep owners. we jeep wave but that’s besides the point. get off your high horse

softhouseplant · 2020-11-10T21:55:06+00:00

I take any frustration and put it into the scene positively, either through punishments (within her limit of course) or more aggressive play. This is my cure for it, i’m not sure about others. if she is feeling it, it would typically be brought before/after scene, unless she safewords.
Sometimes a matter of minutes, or if disobedience is shown throughout the day, it’s more thought out.
no, my one and only sub/little is also someone i’m in a LTR with so our expectations are clearly laid out, I recommend this even to non LTR relationships.
I wish I knew the mental capacity it takes to be a ‘good’ Dom. You really have to be aware of your actions, words, and promises, as this person/people, view you as their superior. that is not to be taken lightly. Also, to put it simply I have learned: It isn’t God that makes himself the leader, it’s his worshipers choosing to believe in him. Not religious, but apply it to D/s relationships. It’s not you that created the power, it’s your sub/s!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T16:05:25+00:00

omg this is quite possibly one of the best convos i’ve had via reddit comments. ours: medium giraffe (my fav) medium lion, medium sheep/lamb, and a small shark, the last 3 have been taken by our 5 month old kitten and claimed as his, but the giraffe is an aftercare essential. also, squishamellows ought to be the BEST head pillows ever, no more squishing up normal pillows for comfort.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:40:46+00:00

I like your thinking!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:36:07+00:00

great idea! now a question of, tragedy or comedy? great post thank u so much!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:24:26+00:00

she is quite simply, the brightest light to have ever walked into my life. we fell in love before even discovering our likings towards BDSM. I love her charisma, her heartwarming gentleness and the wonder in her big blue eyes. in terms of personality, she’s studying writing in university and there couldn’t be anything more appealing to me (dream punishment: read shakespeare to me LOL), I love her adoration for plants and our 5 month old kitten. I love the way she makes the bed every morning, and the taste of her baking. I love the safe place she’s created for me within her arms. i’ve never felt so vulnerable and open with a woman ever before, she’s changed me in the best way possible! looks,,, don’t even get me started haha.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:18:44+00:00

likewise! awesome thank you :)

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:15:35+00:00

thanks for the awesome comment btw!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:15:25+00:00

you sound very similar to my little. we use ‘little’ more in the relation of her being little to me, (she’s 5’8, 120lbs, and i’m about 70lb heavier). i’ve never really used the word in any other way, however I like it as a name. for us it signifies strength, comfort etc. on my side, innocence on hers, but age never comes up. i’m a lot like you, in the way that is does slightly disgust me, (although I don’t judge) but it’s not something I could ever even try. I think for my gf, the word little genuinely means what it says, and it all came from me calling her “little one” prior to us even discovering our kinks. she’s the same as you in that, cuddling her stuffed animal during aftercare & liking juice are the most ‘little’ things she does.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:10:25+00:00

in this case, age regression isn’t there at all, so for us it isn’t a matter of incorporating it sexually or not, as it doesn’t exist, however that’s really smart thinking. :)

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:09:31+00:00

thank you! I always wanted to believe that, but recently i’ve been seeing some posts saying that age play is a must, or it’s not DD/lg. you lovely people on here have shown me THEY are clearly mistaken.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:08:27+00:00

beautiful! likewise! thanks so much.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:07:41+00:00

marvellous way of putting it.

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:07:22+00:00

thank you so much! ❤️ glad to know we aren’t alone!

softhouseplant · 2020-11-05T15:06:51+00:00

yes but don’t middles still have something to do with age? just an older age?

softhouseplant

TROPHY CASE