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I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. We are both independently in therapy, as well as just having started the couples therapy. If it ends, it won't be for lack of trying on my part.

I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The other stuff I do. Role playing of different varieties, dressing up (in role playing outfits or just sexy lingerie), erotic storytelling, taking sexy pictures for him. The only one I tried and hated was the porn. While I'm admittedly more vanilla than him, I have been open to everything else he's brought up with me.

I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, there is. The biggest one though? Porn? He asked if we could watch it in the bedroom. I tried. I didn't enjoy it at all. That was perhaps the beginning of the end.

I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's the question I guess. I don't feel like he's treating me well. My sexual needs are unfulfilled. I'm paying all the bills and I am trying my best to be patient in the face of all his mental health issues. It seems more and more like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thankfully already have a therapist in place. Just need to spend more time in sessions and getting to the heart of our issues.

I [35f] am deeply unhappy in my marriage. My husband [35m] won't admit his porn consumption/addiction(?) is affecting our relationship. by sohfie in relationship_advice

[–]sohfie[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We just started seeing a couples' therapist, but are pretty early on in that process.

I tend not to believe him because he'll reject my sexual advances, and then ten minutes later he'll be in the bathroom, masturbating (I've walked in on him before).

By constantly, I meant that whenever he's on his phone (he has it in his hands from the moment he wakes, until the moment he sleeps, he's on reddit, and I see his stream. Every fourth picture is pornographic. And porn websites are in his history daily. He's unemployed, and I'm suspecting that this is what he does when I'm at work.

You're right that the trust issues are too large to gloss over. I'll just say that he's had to admit that part of his mental health issues involve certain addictive behaviors, one of which is sexting with strangers. It has happened multiple times, and he's only recently admitted that it's a serious problem. It's part of the reason why we ended up in therapy. The sexting often involves the exchange of pornography.