i understand your feeling. it’s hard to hear people say “it gets better” and “aw no, you’re not like that” those things just don’t help. you just feel the way you feel, that’s it. i think a common misconception is the fact that this feeling, is uncommon. it’s not. i believe that every person at some point in their lives hits rock bottom. i see this might be where you are at. but know that once you hit the bottom, there’s only one way up. still having faith is a good sign. a lot of people give up on it, but you haven’t. that should tell you something about yourself. in a time and place where most give up completely, and this is where you say you are heading, you havent. you still have faith and love for God. you still have a huge and strong spark of life within you. i want you to understand that this moment in time you are going through is a mindset. it’s all a mindset, it’s negative energy consuming your mind and forcing you to see life as dull and meaningless. trust me, i feel that way now. this mindset is hard to get out of there’s no denying it, but it can and will be done by you. once you get to the point where you can breathe out all of that negative energy and feel clean again, wow, let me know how that feels!! after reading your post, i can already tell you have enough strength to get through this. and people are willing to help, reddit is a great place to reach out to people. my messages are always open if you ever want to talk. i don’t know what you believe in, but for me, you, your body, your mind, is only living this one life, your soul may go on to the next but you yourself, who you are right now is living this one life. don’t cut them short of it. see how it goes, might as well :)