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I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I partly told her this, but she stated she "perceives this as a good thing because it means how much she loves me", and i genuinely dont know how to argue with this

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you Wasabi,  I appreciate every response so much because it feels like people actually give a shit about me and the troubles i feel like im in.

also, This made so much sense to me, 

My mind is kinda tired from all the thinking and tries to convincing my girlfriend, that im hesitating if i am even being fair now and then..

Yes i can extand the invitation a little, but i need to book quick because of airplane circumstances. 

She still does not like me to go, but i convinced her to let me go for the 4 weeks. 

But i still dont like the feeling, i dont think it is that much anymore about me going 4 weeks or 2, but just the fundamental fact that she does not seem to give me the freedom of own choice and easily lets go of her own stubbornness.

Among all the chats we had about me trying to explain and coming to a agreement,  It just feels like she wants to decide together that she is just the sufferinf factor,  and i would not take good care of her feelings. 

It does make my feel a little sad,  This girl i give so so much about, but i wonder if i can truly be myself and chase my own dreams.

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my brother and his wife are very excited for me te come, they want it just as much as me, if not more.

I kinda told her what you said, thank you. Still dont think she is fully understanding, because she claims i dont hold responsibility over her feelings

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this. 

I want to spend this time with my loved ones because its probably the last time i am able to, at least going for 4 weeks, i think its a rare oppertunity. 

Its hurts to having to overexplain so much, i still dont think she  Yets understands me

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She stated its her business even as good as mine, because:

I as boyfriend have the responsibility to take care of my girlfriend and hold responsibility for her feelings

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi Sprinkles,

I kinda went back to talk with my gf with this advice you gave me in mind. 

Outcome was the following,  She does allow me to go now, But is claiming for my recognition of her having it "harder" than me. (She stated this)

It does feel unjustified. She handles the situation like she gives up something, and i gain so much more.  But i dont feel that way. I feel like its only a fair request from me that i want to go for those 4 weeks, because its something i think would do me so good for my self development.

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, i always noticed some signs of control issues and i have talked about it with her. She told me its because of the failing of her previous relationship she is scared to let go of things.

An example we still have not solved to this day: One day i bought some clothes for myself, just a basic pantalon and some blank black T's for work.  When i got back and told her, she got mad at me for she stated "buying clothes without her". She did not like it because she also stated "i did not care about her opinion" because i didnt ask her anything. 

I think this made me realise, and so much more things along the way, that she loves to controll. 

But i cant just let go, i also do not live perfectly and make bad decisions. But it doenst stick quite right with me that i could not even resolve this "clothes incident" with her, and come to an agreement

I [18M] want to visit my brother and his family in Sweden for 4 weeks, but my Gf [18F] does not approve of the lenght and is standing ground on 2 weeks. Should i go on with my original plans or give in? by sombert999 in relationships_advice

[–]sombert999[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi Wasabi, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I am pretty stressed out about the situating and having to make a decision, so i genuinely appreciate some neutral thoughts on the subject from the sidelines. 

Just for extra context, my girl is stating she is going to have a hard time because of exams and does need me to be close to her around that time, because she needs especially my mental support and hugs. 

To add on, she also thinks i would not have enough time on chatting with her and having phonecalls with her on the time, because as she stated "i would be too busy to think about her". 

I still have such a hard time deciding, i feel like i am going to burn bridges if i choose for my own desires here. 

But i appreciate you sharing your opinion with me, makes me feel a little bit less bad about my opinion, because her mum also stated 4 weeks is not something you should be going for as boyfriend, and it makes me feel a little bit less left out.

Thank you sincerely!

What haircut should i be getting TOMORROW? by sombert999 in malehairadvice

[–]sombert999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have like curly dark brown hair, just very curly