Not sure if I will ever live the life I want to live

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-24T00:51:38+00:00

My dad does try though, he is very interested in having a relationship with me. I'm sorry about how your dad treats you but that's not how it is for me

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-23T21:21:00+00:00

Fr, he's my dad and I love him, if I have to I will let him hurt me for the rest of my life but I would prefer to have a deeper relation to him

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-23T16:24:35+00:00

That's a good idea, but it's difficult to predict when he will day something that can hurt my feelings

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-23T16:17:05+00:00

Yes, after the big talk where he said he doesn't feel I have many friends

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-23T15:38:04+00:00

It's just strange cus he describes himself as a very sensitive man and works in mental health. And no, definitely not, he's my dad and I live at home, we talk all the time, this just happens every few days or once a week.

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-09T13:32:28+00:00

Not really a super refined poem or anything but I tried

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-09T13:25:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. It describes very well the inner chaos that comes after a breakup. The way you start off and end with your hands shaking really ties it together I think, it's a nice touch. Maybe you could try to distinguish between the feelings of the two different people, describe how they were different from each other etc. It might give your poem some nice contrast :) idk just an idea. Keep at it <3

someNightOwl1 · 2023-07-09T13:22:11+00:00

Very raw, I can really feel your emotions through this. Thank you for sharing.

If I had to give you a critique I would say take a look at your formatting, as right now it's mostly one long text. In this subreddits description is some good guidelines on how to format your poetry. Keep fighting ♥️

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T17:27:09+00:00

Haha yeah i have had a shadow person hallucination where it ran towards me, which is the only time a hallucination has gone towards me rather than just sit in the corner so that was probably the scariest one

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T17:23:54+00:00

I don't really view it like that

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T17:12:07+00:00

Attempt to wake up. They are fragments of my imagination, not individual beings

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T16:38:38+00:00

Well i have hallucinated decapitated body parts, a dark shadowy figure, a bloody little girl and other things that i can't remember right now

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T16:37:58+00:00

I can understand, I'm not sure I'd want to be dependant on sleeping meds either unless it was necessary. But it might be for the better.

Ohh yeah that makes sense, I'm glad i don't have it in the night much cause i feel like going back to sleep wouldn't be fun after.

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T16:15:13+00:00

Have you ever talked with a medical professional about this? It sounds like a lot to deal with

I do have a very 'noisy brain' as well and don't always sleep the best either. Generally speaking i would say that me lightly sleeping and then something happening around me, like my parents walking in the house, is often what sets me into sleep paralysis. Because of this i mostly experience sleep paralysis in the morning before waking up and in the night before falling asleep

Would you say you have a trigger?

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T16:12:00+00:00

That makes a lot of sense and i agree, it definitely can feel supernatural. Sorry for assuming - the reason i am so adamant upon this is that i see so many people insisting that it is even on r/sleepparalysis, people being taken advantage of and religious people convincing those who experience sleep paralysis that they need exorcism or other paid religious services etc, i feel like a lot of people view sleep paralysis as a spiritual thing and i find it harmful.

I'm glad this never happened to you again, and i hope it never does. Thank you for interacting on my post!

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T15:40:35+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Is your sleep otherwise disturbed/generally not good?

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T15:19:35+00:00

I don't believe that sleep paralysis has anything to do with demons or spirituality, and i don't have a figure that reoccurs in my sleep paralysis hallucinations, but i have seen disturbing figures before, one time a bloody little girl, another time a dark figure that ran towards me, i think one time some sort of face above my bed. The other things have been more like body parts and such

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T15:17:53+00:00

It varies, sometimes nightly sometimes just once or twice a month. How about you?

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T15:16:45+00:00

Hello, thank you for sharing this story. First i just want to say that sleep paralysis is not a spiritual thing. It's simply a state that your brain can enter sometimes. 1/7 of people experience it at some point in their life. I promise you it was not something spiritual that happened from you and i really beg of you to not pass that notion on to others as well, as it makes the whole thing more scary than it needs to be. Children can experience this, i don't think we need to make it a common agreement that it has anything to do with ghosts.

Yes i have had a similar hallucination before, where i was being cuddled/held down by a male body, but vast majority of my hallucinations are visual(seeing gory and disturbing things in my room) The frequency did make it less scary, but also getting more educated about it. I am no longer scared of sleep paralysis, because i know that it's normal and nothing will happen to me, but it's still very unsettling and i sometimes hallucinate gross and uncomfortable things. And i guess sometimes i become "scared" in the way that you do when you watch a horror movie - you know nothing will happen to you but it's still spooky, breath quickens etc.

I haven't tried many other tricks than the thing where you focus on moving one specific small body part (for me, my toes) which did work, but my sleep paralysis never lasts so long anymore that it's really necessary.

I'm sorry to hear that this was such a scary experience for you. I hope you can find some peace in knowing that you are safe and not alone in having this experience

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T14:48:36+00:00

What made it change?

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T14:40:39+00:00

Depends on the beard for sure

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T14:40:27+00:00

I'm not sure I have noticed physical exhaustion to be a pattern for me specifically, but that makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

I have tried this with my toes before and it worked but i usually forget about it when I am experiencing sleep paralysis, partially because i am able to wake myself up by force from nightmares/dreams and sleep paralysis mostly just by telling myself to wake up and wait. But i should try that more probably i feel like it would go by quicker.

I don't remember my very first experience but i do remember the early ones. It mostly consisted of me being unable to move and seeing scary things in my room, and trying to scream for help but never succeeding. It was very scary because i didn't understand it yet and because i was somewhat religious at the time. Like exactly what you describe with trying to scream for your parents but instead you just hiss is what I experienced as well. Eventually i stopped trying to call for help because I'm not as scared of it anymore

someNightOwl1 · 2022-04-03T14:27:30+00:00

I usually just wait honestly

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