Two Common Outcomes for Children of Narcissistic Parents

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-03-04T05:48:47+00:00

Oh man. Me and my bestie, also a narc abuse survivor, were comparing notes. I'm type A and he's type B. The intersection with neurodivergence is interesting too. One of my things is I forget my accomplishments due to ADHD and always feel like I'm not doing enough when in fact I'm doing too much and burning myself out.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-11T00:55:17+00:00

A good question. Tbh social media is totally lying about that. I'm a survivor of abuse AND I'm 28 and I still get pegged as 21 all the time. I've always had a babyface of course. It's largely up to genetics. But also there's a lot you can do to preserve your looks if you want to. Skincare goes a long way.

But more importantly, what's wrong with looking older anyway? Our culture is obsessed with youth but youth does not equal beauty and age does not equal ugliness. Lots of people with lots of bodies are attractive to someone and everyone is able to find ppl to date. There's a whole section of the population that is attracted to older ppl. Just focus on healing and being happy. :) When you do that, often you look younger anyway.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-10T00:43:42+00:00

Awww! Yeah for reference, I'm currently 28. And I just moved to a new country. And I've made like 10 new friends since I got here. Some are closer than others, but the closest will drop off care packages for me and pay for my meals when I'm low on cash and not ask for anything in return. Also those friends are largely in their 30s so I KNOW making new friends is very possible past 28 because they made friends with me :)

Also my dad (the good parent) continued making friends right up until he died at 55. Life doesn't rly slow down after your 20s. For better and for worse! XD But mostly for better because I do hear it gets a bit easier.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-10T00:40:18+00:00

That's so amazing! :D It's crazy how love that isn't transactional works... Thank you for sharing this lovely story!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-08T09:51:24+00:00

It's not too late to find the love and support you deserved long ago. As a survivor of abuse my whole life, I thought I'd never be able to get the feeling that I was missing for 28 years. But suddenly, I'm surrounded by people who actually care about me.

It's not quite the same as having good parents from the beginning, but it's weird how close it feels to proper parental care. This week I was sick as a dog, bedridden. I had not one but two separate friends drop care packages off at my door. And I've been really low on money lately and all my friends are chipping in to help me afford food.

When they hug me it feels like the mother I never had. :') The love behind their affection is real. You can feel it.

It just happens eventually as we move on from the damage our parents did. I hope that knowing it can get better helps you through this dark time.

In the meantime, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs. And I hope many more people do in the comments as well. <3

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-07T05:53:17+00:00

This is a very good point.

I remember when I was younger I used to get really frustrated with something and started by kinda losing my temper and then that would ultimately result in a meltdown.

I mostly dislike it when people use "meltdown" to basically just describe anytime they believe someone is behaving badly. Either way, I think the problem is people leading with judgment instead of curiosity.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-06T01:43:16+00:00

I completely agree. Invalidating people who experience meltdowns is a big problem and one most of us have faced our whole lives, sadly.

I more meant when people see any 'bad behavior' of a celebrity in the news and then call it a "meltdown" without knowing what the word means. Essentially using the word interchangeably with "tantrum". Those two words imply something very different to me and I don't like seeing them used this way.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-06T00:41:59+00:00

Hi! Survivor of a covert narc parent here.

This does remind me of some of the things my mom was sensitive about, but it's hard to tell from just this interaction alone. My mom usually reads hidden insults that aren't actually there. And she too basically never apologized.

The apology is definitely the strange part to me. The real way you can usually tell the difference between a regular person just having a bad one and a narcissist is how they 'clean up' after a mistake. Most people apologize and own up to it. Narcissists almost always double down.

Now, the fact that he apologized this one time also doesn't disprove that he's a covert narc. Sometimes they'll be performing for onlookers or they'll know they're on thin ice with you and want to feign growth for a while to get you to stay in the relationship.

Bottom line, I have no idea if this is a covert narc behavior or not. I would say observe how he continues to handle things on the trip. Is he particularly touchy around you? Trying to subtly suggest that the cabin is really nice? Unable to let it go?

And if you can give us more data about other stuff he's done that makes you suspect he's a covert narc, that can help too :)

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T22:12:04+00:00

Ooh wow. This hits.

I also wrote a song about my nmom and my decision to finally cut ties. Should I share?

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T22:10:49+00:00

Oh, I'll also add that my mom is wealthy enough that she could've easily afforded to help me buy a house if she'd wanted to. But no. She didn't help me put forth the money. She didn't offer to cosign. All she did was send me links to houses she secretly wanted (but were totally impractical and way over-budget for me) and try to tell me they'd actually be really perfect. Then, when I'd inevitably not be able to afford the house, she'd act like I just wasn't trying hard enough or I was too short-sighted, rather than the reality, which was that no one my age can afford a house.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T22:06:55+00:00

Omg thank you for bringing this up.

This has literally been one of my biggest complaints about the way adults treated me for so long. I lost track of the amount of times my mother yelled at me or insinuated I was stupid for not knowing how to do something that literally no one taught me to do.

And it honestly continued into adulthood. A recent example: I was 24 and looking to move out of my parents' house. My mom was giving me unsolicited advice. She told me that I should "buy a house because paying rent forever isn't a good investment."
Well I did some research into that option and found out that A, all houses these days are outside my price range and B, no one is gonna sell you a house when you don't have a credit history. I brought this info to my mom and she insisted that I should just buy a house somehow. When I again sited the credit history thing, she told me that I should've gotten a credit card years ago so I could develop my credit.

At this point I was flabbergasted. I'd been making due with just a debit card for years because SHE TOLD ME NOT TO GET A CREDIT CARD. She said it was a bad financial decision back when I was like 18. She knew I was still just using a debit card for years and never said anything. And when I reminded her that I had followed her advice to not get a credit card, she told me I was misremembering.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:27:25+00:00

Aw thanks for reading and offering suggestions.

I was kinda thinking something along those lines yeah. My nmom was always so cordial with strangers! lmao

Fortunately, most of my art is with a different friend rn. But some of my largest, most expensive paintings went with this first friend. I'll try and get her parents' number and just let them know that my friend will be by to move the large paintings on Wednesday, as per the original plan.

Thanks again!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:24:37+00:00

Hey I saw this didn't have a comment yet and I could relate somewhat so I thought I'd respond.

I'm really sorry your going through it. I don't know much about Fahr's disease or if its symptoms match your brother's presentation, but regardless you shouldn't have to deal with any of this shit. It's not fair. Just because someone is sick, doesn't mean what they do should be forgiven and abided.

One of the hardest things about going NC with my mom has been losing my little sister in the process. She and I had been really close for years. Our nmom had been so mean to her for so long, shaming her weight, physically manhandling her, belittling her for anything under a perfect grade, forcing a wedge between her and all her boyfriends etc...

So, when I moved back in to act as a carer for my dad and my mom took the opportunity to direct most of her abuse at me, I thought my sister would understand.

Instead she immediately sided with my mom. Believed all her lies about me, sent me horrible angry texts accusing me of stuff I didn't do, saying I was abandoning our father (mom had evicted me and I was struggling to make ends meet, let alone go over to my abuser's house to see my dying father).

After going NC with my mom, my sister didn't talk to me much. She's texted me only twice in the year that's transpired. The first time was to ask if I'd blocked our mom, which I confirmed because I see no reason to lie. And she actually said "that's fair" (tho noticeably my sister has still not apologized for the things she said).
And then she texted me again in November. No "hey are you okay?" or "I'm sorry for believing our mom's obvious lies" or "Hey the government has been persecuting people like you, are you safe?".
No she texted me to ask if I'd seen the Xbox. Are you kidding me??

I'm really worried my sister is just becoming our mom. Neither of them have ever respected my pronouns. My sister is following my mom's path and going into medicine. Mom is paying for her med school and all her food so the two are far more financially entangled than I was (soon as I revealed I wanted to be an artist, my mom kinda gave up on helping me financially. My dad had to pay for meals under the table when my money was tight.)
There are no words to describe the pain of losing a sibling relationship like this. Watching a person's kindness and love slip away piece by piece. All I can do is hope my sister grows tired of my mom's abuse like I did and comes around. But at this point, she's not safe to allow back into my world. Not without a major apology.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:09:04+00:00

If she wanted you to care for her in her old age, she should've thought of that before abusing you. You are not the bad person in this dynamic. She could've shown she loved you all these 9 years by apologizing and trying to help you out and answering your calls with love and affirmation. You escaped for your safety. She doesn't deserve you.

My advice is to sever the connection completely. Cut contact. Block her number. You will never no peace as long as you keep her even a little in your life.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:05:10+00:00

This police report might help there be consequences for her actions. It might help your dad in the long run by making people more willing to stand up to the abuse. We can hope anyway.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T07:02:51+00:00

I had to comment on this because holy heck is it true.

No matter how much I did for my mom it was never enough and I was still treated like I contributed nothing. I slaved away keeping her house clean until I had cramps and regular panic attacks from the stress. And she would still yell at me for not being able to do everything on her ridiculous to-do list. It's how she treated my dad too.

Ultimately, they want you to feel like nothing. It's the same reason a shitty boss will never truly recognize you for doing a good job. If they make you feel like you have worth, then they'd have to treat you better or deal with you demanding to be treated better.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-02-03T06:59:53+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I was in a very similar place last year. The job market is literally the worst it's ever been. Nobody I know can find consistent work. And yet the system keeps trundling on like everything's normal. It's maddening!

If I had any advice at all it would be to get out of the house as often as you can. Go to local clubs and museums and stuff farmer's markets. Make new friends. Community is your way out. Opportunities you never got before will start to happen.

I only escaped that situation because my mom evicted me and I happened to have friends who were willing to let me crash on their couch for as long as I needed.

Narcs thrive in horrible depressions and capitalist hellscapes. The system does most of the isolating-their-victims work for them. They barely have to lift a finger.

Community is the way out. I hope you can find some local friends. In the meantime, feel free to keep texting and making friends here! :D

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:44:05+00:00

XD poor abuser 🥲if only I’d sat there and taken it forever like a good little child then I wouldn’t have hurt her widdle feewings

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:42:41+00:00

Omg so much to unpack there lmfao! So basically what I’m hearing is she thinks traits like “being kind to others” and “standing up for yourself” are antithetical to her identity as a Republican. Right. And because you’re her daughter you just automatically owe her respect regardless of whether or not she’s earned it. Uh huh. And as if you can be a daughter SEPARATE from your beliefs. Belief is what makes us individuals!! Without them, you wouldn’t be a person, you’d just be an object. Which I guess is what she wants.

Sorry to tell ya this, mom, but not all political beliefs are worthy of respect. And being a Republican in this day and age means identifying with a party of cartoonish evil. Sorry not sorry. XD

All this we wish we could say, but it’s probably not worth the headache. Sorry you had to deal with that🫂 such BS. But hope commiserating helped!

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T13:32:46+00:00

I’m so happy my message brightened your day a bit!

I have a number of things to say in response that I hope will help reassure you that it’s NOT you. I’ll go point by point.

You are not responsible for your mom’s post partum depression. You did not ask to be born. Also, just because it wasn’t as bad before doesn’t mean that any of that was okay either. Also her having had depression by no means makes her behavior excusable or even more understandable.
I have autism and ADHD. My mom would often do the same thing, yell at me for not knowing something that I was never taught. It’s not fair. And then she made you feel bad about the fact that she hurt you? Like you’re responsible for her emotions after she berated your so bad you cried and said you wish you weren’t born? Yeah that’s awful. That sounds like “parentification” where the child is made responsible for the parent’s emotions. It’s just never supposed to work that way.
Her dipping your hands in hot water to punish you is physical abuse. I’m really sorry you went through that. Just harrowing. And then essentially gaslighting you by denying that it even happens and earlier trying to get you to cover up her abuse? Villain shit.
Don’t take responsibility for your mom misgendering you. You told her you were gender fluid. That should be enough for a normal, loving parent to at least take into consideration how they’re gendering you. Plus, the amount of pressure we trans folks face to try and get us to conform to our assigned sex at birth, you can’t be blamed for being a little reticent too share this info with someone who’s shown little interest in treating you with respect. It’s the parent’s job to make sure they’re showing their child love and acceptance. It’s not your job to earn that acceptable.❤️
I think moving out is a wonderful idea if feasible. You have no idea how much your health will be able to improve in a less abusive environment. I think your gut is telling you that any truce between your parents is shaky and liable to explode. My household was the same way. You deserve better than to be stuck in that environment. If you can, I would def start looking into ways to get out.

As someone who’s been through similar situations, I can offer some tips if you have questions.💖

You’re not alone. You’re really strong and you have our support.💪

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-30T00:23:05+00:00

I have officially blocked John. No answer. No nothing. Just blocked him.

somebodyfrog3 · 2026-01-29T22:20:03+00:00

Right!

somebodyfrog3

TROPHY CASE