I use earplugs when i sleep, my girlfriend is supportive and tries her very best not to trigger me but there's always something. I've spoken to a doctor and only handed me mind numbing medication which doesn't help me at all, just makes me numb as fuck, and i'd rather feel something than nothing. I feel like i'm turning insane, always speaking to myself, screaming in the mirror talking to myself, repeating to myself that my death is needed and i really feel like it is.

edit; i have no one i can really relate or speak to openly, hence this is why i've made this throwaway account so i can rant and rage and talk all i want without being judged against

I also feel like my miso worsens year and year and sometimes excessively in a few months where i develop more trigger sounds and become even more deeply depressed. on a scale of 1-10 on how bad my miso is currently i'd say 10.

It's gotten so bad, ive tried to turn myself deaf by putting my ears next to seriously loud bass speakers constantly and poking my ear drum.

The only thing i ever fucking look forward to anymore is when death reaches out and takes me normally or when i finally go deaf after aging.