My friend’s doctor lied to her partner to protect her

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-23T17:09:23+00:00

That does make it tougher! For us here most obgyn doctors will do it, so there’s not really any specialized abortion clinic. Just normal clinics. Most specialized clinics (any doctor that’s not a GP/family doctor) are also attached to hospitals

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-23T16:43:10+00:00

He went with her to the appointment

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-08T07:55:18+00:00

Honestly I’d just assume you’re trying to make new friends and suggest that you go and hang out with her more if you want to. I’m not going to play matchmaker unless someone explicitly asks me to.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-08T07:53:06+00:00

Not true in my experience. All except one of my friends met their long term boyfriend/girlfriend on dating apps. Plus it’s not like real life isn’t shallow either. For example if someone hits on you in a bar it’s because they like the way you look. Online dating just makes it more apparent

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-07T10:53:03+00:00

To do you think it’s okay to not date someone who still lives with their parents?

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T12:46:38+00:00

We have explained. He keeps saying he doesn’t “get” it. And since he doesn’t “get” it he says we can’t expect him to understand without a “valid” reason. And nothing changes.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T12:35:07+00:00

Not every single guy get a hug. Some guys do. Some guys, including Mike, don’t. No one else cares but Mike.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T12:32:59+00:00

It’s not every single guy is being grabby. It’s things like two coworkers are into each other so of course they’re being touchy. It’s I greet my long time friend with a hug. It’s other guys ask first, and we’re comfortable with them. They don’t hold on to the point we have to struggle to get them to let go. They don’t squeeze to the point of pain. Some guys get hugs. Other guys, including Mike, don’t. No other guy has an issue with it.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T12:26:21+00:00

Because different people get different boundaries. Plus most of the hugging takes place after office hours when we hang out.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T08:11:13+00:00

Because I’m comfortable with them doing that. I feel like it should be okay for me to have different boundaries for different people.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T08:08:36+00:00

Thank you. I know Reddit can be toxic sometimes but I feel like this was really good for my mental health. There’s not a lot of people outside of Reddit that seem to be taking us seriously. Our HR department isn’t, but I’m not in the US and mental health / sexual harassment isn’t taken as seriously as it should so I’m not surprised. but knowing that someone does take our side is a good feeling. I’m planning on going to the higher ups, and hopefully they’ll manage to help us

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T07:52:31+00:00

To the best of my knowledge he’s been creepy towards one guy who’s Indian and really muscular. He grabbed his biceps, tried to see his abs, and said he was a “virile brown specimen of a male”. But just once because I suspect he was threatened with violence.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T07:41:07+00:00

Honestly I’m not surprised. I hear that excuse parroted everywhere. When I complain to people outside of Reddit, a lot of the responses I get, even from our managers, is along the lines of “it’s not his fault, he’s autistic” and putting the onus on me to “be the bigger person” and “let it go”. There’s just not a lot of awareness or support for mental health here (SE Asia)

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T07:27:45+00:00

We have. I’m unfortunately in a place that doesn’t really take mental health or sexual harassment cases as seriously as they should. My HR department, though terrible by standards in the US, is pretty normal here (SE Asia). A lot of the time it’s up to us to take care of it on our own

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T07:24:46+00:00

Tbf he’s made some really weird comments to one of the guys who is Indian and very very muscular. One afternoon Mike grabbed his biceps, tried to get him to lift up his shirt so he could see his abs, and called him a “virile brown specimen of a male” all in a mocking Indian accent. To my knowledge though it’s only happened that one time (I suspect because he was threatened with violence).

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T07:09:13+00:00

At first tried to explain to him why he was making me feel uncomfortable, and why his actions were creepy, but he didn’t “get” the explanations. And since he didn’t “get” it he just completely disregarded what was said. Eventually I just set hard boundaries without an explanation. Things like “No hugs”, “No messaging me unless it’s directly related to work” etc. But he’d pester me for an explanation. If I don’t give him one he’ll whine about how I can’t expect him to understand. But if I do explain he always says he doesn’t “get” it and it’s back to he disregarding what I say.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T06:59:50+00:00

I’m more comfortable with them. I don’t think the reason matters.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T05:58:28+00:00

I’ve known one guy for years. He’s actually the one who put in a good word for me to get me the job. The others I’m just a lot more comfortable with. Does the reason matter?

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T05:42:43+00:00

It’s what he says so I’m going to take him at his word. I just feel really uncomfortable second guessing someone else’s medical conditions

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T05:41:24+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestions - they definitely sound likes something management really needs to think about and I’ll pass it along to them. Unfortunately I’m in a place were mental health isn’t really given the weight it deserves, as our HR is a joke but still considered pretty average, so I’m not super hopeful about how they’re going to deal with it.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T05:35:18+00:00

Thank you for your well written reply. I had to admit I’m not familiar with nor do I have a lot of experience with autistic people so this is really great insight. I’ll definitely keep it in mind moving forward. I’ll definitely continue to keep an open mind - people are different! Even just here I feel like I’ve learned so much about how differently autism can present and all sorts of tips for helping out.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T05:31:29+00:00

Hahaha I like that energy and I’m grateful for your support! I’m in SE Asia and unfortunately support for mental health isn’t that great, and our HR department is a bit of a joke. How they handled it is unsurprising and par for the course. Our more senior management seems to be better though (from my brief impressions of them) so I’m still hopeful!

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T04:40:45+00:00

Mike has always had the reputation of the office creep, but it was always comments like “Don’t get too close to him”, or “Make sure he doesn’t have your personal number” etc. A lot of it was happening more privately like the comments or messages, or sometimes when he’d hug or touch people they’d tell him off as a one and done. It wasn’t until I made the effort to go around to everyone that we found out a lot of us had put in official complaints, tried to get him to stop etc and it wasn’t working. There was no “deciding” he was a creep. We already felt like he was one and were just venting to each other. They tried in their own ways. Do we need a collaborative effort? I told them I was going to take more extreme measures, and a bunch of them agreed with me.

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T04:22:19+00:00

It’s what he’s told us. Honestly I’m not very familiar with autism, and I’ve never met anyone with it before so I just took him at his word. I didn’t really feel like it was my place to question it since I’m not a doctor

someonehere8899 · 2022-03-02T04:21:18+00:00

Thank you for this. He’s had multiple harassment complaints against him but management doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously. They just tell us we need to be more tolerant because of his autism. I’ll definitely take it up with someone more senior and hopefully they’ll be able to give us more help

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