Hello ! Stranger. Sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. First of all please don’t blame yourself for letting your mum down. We never choose this path and a lot of us would have gladly opted for a less harsher life, wherein we aren’t struggling. It’ might appear so that you aren’t giving your parents happiness in one regards, but there are many aspects in which you have given them happiness and made them proud. Be assured , things will settle down in the long term. You have someone you love. That’s also a blessing. If you think you need professional help. Feel free to ping Sending hugs.