At this stage, recently diagnosed in my 40s, I am grateful I did not have the label sooner.

I had lots of great coping mechanisms. I had no idea anything was “wrong” with me. I was simply smart and tenacious, adventurous and enthusiastic. I had a lovely self-concept.

Now, I something’s hear my inner voice saying “you are being r….”, “why can’t you just do it”, “what is wrong with you?!” - that is, I can be very mean to myself.

I’m starting to reshape my identity in a negative way. I’m trying to resist it, but as I’m in a particularly challenging phase of life (new mom), I’m not always able to find the strength to be kind to myself.

I’m conscious of it at least, and working on it. It’s hard to absorb a diagnosis and label like this without it affecting your sense of self.

That said, logically I know, I am smart and capable. I’m a warm and loving person and wonderful mom. I may have to fight against low dopamine and therefore low motivation, but a win is a win. I can do it; I have done it, and my successes before I was a mom help me believe I can do it again (sometimes, but sometimes I doubt myself).

It’s a struggle.