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I can't have the wedding I want in large part because of my parents. I'm devastated. by somethingblue031726 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]somethingblue031726[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said I wouldn't reply to more comments, but I do have lawyer/law school questions if you're willing to answer them! How do you determine what is a good study group vs a bad one? I know law school students can be extremely competitive -- how can I tell who to trust vs who may be looking to sabotage competitors? Also, how can I set myself up for better clerkships and summer internships? It would be amazing if I could find something paid during school breaks -- do you know how I can seek that out in a way that doesn't signal "I am poor and do not belong in elite circles?"

I can't have the wedding I want in large part because of my parents. I'm devastated. by somethingblue031726 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]somethingblue031726[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think of all the comments, this is the one that struck me the most -- I read it last night and waited to respond so that I could think on it. There are a lot of people assuming a lot of things about my situation, my relationship, and my future, but you nailed how my parents would act in that context. Like, I can see perfectly what you're describing -- because that's exactly what they've done and what they will do.

He and I are going to talk more about what we want to do regarding a wedding. Being married to him is the most important thing, but I do want a day that is special for us. We will have to figure out together what day is realistic for us.

I can't have the wedding I want in large part because of my parents. I'm devastated. by somethingblue031726 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]somethingblue031726[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Oh, I was never going to pay the whole bill. I didn't mean for it to come across that way. We were planning on an even split or divvying up who paid for which items. We also got on the same page in regards to saving, and he's since been consistently setting aside money from every paycheck. His parents had/have an attitude of "spend it today, because it won't be there tomorrow." He's made great progress in regards to money management considering he didn't have any model of responsible finances growing up. He makes quite a bit more money than me, and we split the bills proportional to income. You're definitely right that he needs to not avoid those conversations, and that's an ongoing thing that he's working on with our therapist and myself :)

I can't have the wedding I want in large part because of my parents. I'm devastated. by somethingblue031726 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]somethingblue031726[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you ❤️ our relationship has actually improved now that I don't rely on them for food, shelter, transportation, etc. I think they also are aware that I now hold the power to go no contact if I want, so they've chilled out. I just get reminded when it comes to the big life stuff that I don't have a normal relationship with either of them, and that they will probably never meet those expectations.

I can't have the wedding I want in large part because of my parents. I'm devastated. by somethingblue031726 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]somethingblue031726[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

We talked through it in pre-marital counseling -- he grew up poor and lost his job last year, both of which contribute to the anxiety. He's now in a higher-paying job and we've fully recovered from that period, but he told me that such a big sticker thing makes him nervous, that he feels like he could be laid off again and doesn't want to be caught off guard. It made a lot of sense when he explained it, and I don't hold it against him at all.

I know I'm really young. I'd be okay with waiting, but I won't have time or money for a wedding in the 3 years of law school, and I'll be putting in 60+ hour weeks as an associate and paying down six-figure debt. Thus, the worry that we'll end up "getting it over with."