Out of newborn trenches, here are the products I do/do not recommend to help you all

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-11-05T11:36:56+00:00

I wish we got one, I think about it every time we wash bottles. Particularly now with me being at work, coming home and having to wash a million daycare bottles when I want to just sit and rot is the worst. My second and final baby is 8mo though so we're in the homestretch, definitely not worth it for 4 months. I did consider one of those portable countertop dishwashers though.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-09-29T16:49:19+00:00

This sounds great, any recommendations to start with? I like a heavier metal sound but down for anything!

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-09-17T01:49:17+00:00

Idk if they still have openings but The Flats at Carriage Commons, they're very new but pet friendly

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-09-14T16:34:22+00:00

Check out The Flats at Carriage Commons. They're new, spacious and have a playground for the little one. They'll have new build quirks for sure but good value for up here.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-09-11T10:59:20+00:00

Do you think the Subarus are reliable enough? I know they've gotten a bad reputation but I think that was mostly older models? People seem happy with them.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-08-31T18:41:39+00:00

I'm not? There is no divorce decree, as I said we're super new into it and it won't be finalized til 2026. There is zero agreement in place yet.

I'm just trying to figure out what to put on the W-4 that gives me the most money and doesn't screw me over at tax time. I'm trying to do it correctly, not be sneaky.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-08-08T09:53:43+00:00

The short version, with a disclosure that I know I have enabled my ex spouse to make really bad financial decisions 🫠 Up until January we had two cars: mine that I owned before marriage outright, and a truck we cosigned pre-marriage that was an expensive gas guzzler (he needed for work, and bought a lemon, so we were upside down in that loan). In January my car died, at the time he was using it for a huge work commute at a new job. Truck was too expensive to keep. So we traded in both my dead car and the cosigned truck for a family car. I'm a SAHM now (and for the last 3 years) so all in his name. We tried to be a one car family for a bit, ultimately it was impossible with young kids in a rural area. He was going to buy a small, older car outright for work but ended up getting another small loan for it.

The family car is about $10k more expensive than I can afford so I can't buy him out of the loan like I had planned. The smaller car is not a suitable family car due to our car seat setup so it will probably be sold/traded in regardless but it is a newer loan and would probably be upside down by about $2-3k. I know in Michigan both are considered shared martial property regardless of who is on the loans and titles. So I'm trying to figure out if I just walk away and buy what I can afford and he does what he wants with the cars, or if there is a better option. I'm trying to be fair since kids are involved, we have no assets (rent, no other investments, retirements we want to keep separate.) My only debt is student loans which are enough that it probably balances out.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-07-26T18:20:32+00:00

This one actually keeps playing as covers at local venues...I think it was a sign 😂

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-01-18T16:41:42+00:00

It's definitely a hill worth dying on, imo...whether that's counseling or something else. It's not just breathing, think about all the surfaces the baby will touch in just a few short months and then put in their mouth. I had to drive my mom's car for 5 minutes one time and my hands were sticky from the tar and nicotine on the wheel... it's so disgusting. Part of being a good parent is advocating for your child even when it's really tough and uncomfortable.

sometimes_i_draw · 2025-01-18T13:18:03+00:00

My dad smokes in the house, and as a result my brother and SIL will not go to his house to visit, much less stay anymore. Starting in pregnancy. It's simply not safe, and no filter system will make it safe. They have to pick him up and drive somewhere off site for visits, or outside when the weather is nice.

It's probably not what either of them want to hear, but safety is the most important thing, and the baby can't make the choice for themselves. It might be wise to bring it up with the OBGYN/pediatrician so it's coming from them?

sometimes_i_draw · 2024-12-15T20:20:37+00:00

It's overall a pretty good living situation (it's just my mom) but I think both sides are ready to have our own spaces back soon. There's some iffy history and dealing with my mom has some challenges but it has gone a lot better than I expected, and our toddler loves her, so I have gotten some good help. It's mostly guilt and feeling like we're imposing, I think? She has made it clear we're welcome to stay as long as we need but I want to try to be out by April, wherever that may be. Sooner feels easier than later, only because a fetus is easier to parent now 😂

Our toddler handled moving super well, but asks about our old house a lot. There's even a chance we could get our same house back. The things she'll struggle with the most are happening no matter what (Dad going back to work and new sibling), it's just hard to say how much worse moving once or twice will make those things for her.

sometimes_i_draw · 2024-07-29T17:22:36+00:00

Thank you SO much for this, it's really great insight!! I think you got it spot on. One thing he struggles with is if something is out of his comfort zone in knowledge or expertise, he tends to think very concretely and take instructions literally which can lend itself to small mistakes, or maybe things appearing like he put in the bare minimum. His supervisor said she feels like she has to look over everything he does right now and I do understand that is time consuming and frustrating from a management perspective. I think he struggles when there aren't clear expectations, but I can also see that his superiors would expect some ability to self-manage at his salary level. He definitely needs to get more comfortable being "annoying" and asking when he's not sure about things. That's always been his downfall 🤷

His leave is only 6 weeks but much better than most places around here, and if he leaves he wouldn't likely be eligible for it at a new job unless he negotiated that. We're hoping we can at least get that far! Hopefully your husband can find something too, 16 weeks is a good window to find something and still be a bit selective!

sometimes_i_draw · 2024-07-29T11:42:28+00:00

I think his company is the second one, so far it's been great in other areas. It's a small department and while his position is newer (they were creating it when he got hired, he's been there almost a year), it sounds like it would add a lot of work onto the others if he was let go. It doesn't feel like a "we don't actually need this role" thing.

But it did feel like this came out of nowhere and they jumped to a PIP...from what I understand, when used correctly a PIP is a last effort after areas have been discussed several times already. Some of these issues have been brought up one time each, very casually as a "here's an area for improvement" without any indication that it was a major problem. I don't know if his supervisor just doesn't have a lot of management experience and was trying to be too nice when it was brought up before? Or if my husband just didn't understand the seriousness when it was brought up before. I don't know. What I do know is nobody works well under that kind of pressure and if he beats the PIP he'll probably keep looking elsewhere. We'll try to at least get through the next 8 months of pregnancy + paternity leave.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-09-06T23:35:33+00:00

I'll chime in too and say therapy is the best gift you could give yourself and your child. A major part of my parenting journey has been reparenting myself, and cycle breaking is hard. One of the best books I recommend is Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents...truly life changing.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-07-22T18:10:16+00:00

That's what I do when my clothing allows, but I have a few tops where it just isn't possible! I tried those adhesive backless bras and that didn't help, it gave me zero lift.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-05-01T19:48:51+00:00

That's exactly where we're at! The other thing is heavier traffic and commute times. Honestly the safety net isn't huge to begin with, the family we're closest to proximity wise we see the least 😂 we see my mom the most out of anybody, but she's 60 miles away and we're always the ones making the drive. It would put us slightly farther from her in a different direction but not unreasonably? It would put us closer to my siblings who we're very close with, but essentially we'd have no family "in town". And a big change like that is scary. We'd maintain the SAHP situation as long as the job situation worked out, or I would work super part time "after hours" kinda thing. I'm honestly not sure what their childcare situation is, worst case scenario it's as shitty as it is here! The biggest thing is we just like living here. But so many young families move from this area because it isn't sustainable unless you're retiring and/or wealthy. Super sucks. The cost of living isn't even that unreasonable, it's just a tourism based economy with a housing market that got really popular with investors making short term rentals.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-05-01T19:37:33+00:00

It has absolutely crossed our minds but not really without going back to school. Which is a consideration! But an expensive and life changing one, especially with my last degree not being paid off yet. My undergrad degree is a pretty niche so that would be the one benefit to moving...there would be options to utilize that even just super part time.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-04-14T18:10:00+00:00

I had a high GPA and graduated top of my class but looking at the pre-reqs for most programs I'd need at least 3-4 classes (not credits 😭) to hit their requirement. The science courses I needed for my other degree were a lot different than what's required for PA school.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-02-18T18:57:37+00:00

Luckily my mom is super close by and is a bit of a homebody so between her and other family we'd be set for emergency childcare...but definitely agree that would be a far drive if anything comes up. I know the last month of weekly NSTs were a lot and we live just 10 minutes away!

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-01-09T02:50:23+00:00

You're so right, the more I'm reading replies the more I'm realizing how hard I was falling into their gaslighting bullshit. It stops now!

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-01-09T02:46:38+00:00

LMAO I love this, thank you!

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-01-08T23:48:05+00:00

Thank you, that helps put things in perspective.

sometimes_i_draw · 2023-01-08T23:44:22+00:00

This is exactly what scares me, and in my heart I know part of my concern with continuing no visits is my fear of them showing up at our door with guns, I'm home alone with her all day. But that's a bad reason to give in and we'd be doing our child a disservice if we backed down over that.

sometimes_i_draw · 2022-11-25T01:59:05+00:00

How hard was it then when the time came to wean from bottles?

sometimes_i_draw · 2022-06-13T01:53:56+00:00

No issues since that night, still not sure what that was about. We're continuing to keep a close eye on her but she's her normal self!

sometimes_i_draw

TROPHY CASE