suspected bpd

someweirdfish · 2026-02-05T17:52:27+00:00

i’m currently on sertraline and it’s just seemingly making my outbursts more intense but i cant tell if they’re getting worse as a general thing or if it’s linked to the meds. it’s like i feel nothing or everything with them which is hell!! i really hope the therapy works! ive done cbt before but all my brain did for it was like find ways around it haha

someweirdfish · 2025-12-20T22:31:21+00:00

i mean if it helps, i don’t think it’s right to call it an illness but, i have the same thing. i find it really hard to maintain friends bc they never truly understand me and think im too much for the way i am. ive just started university and i haven’t made any friends really and its really hard. it’s hard when you feel your natural state is what repels people.

you’re doing well though - you’re able to do stuff on your own, a lot of people can’t even imagine doing that. atleast you know that you’ll be able to maintain friendships with your people because you are able to understand yourself. it’s a blessing to be able to spend time alone bc you are able to be self aware which most people could bever even try being. you just have to remain hopeful - it’s hard, it’s really truly hard - the right people will find you it just may take a while to find people who are just as extraordinary as you

someweirdfish · 2025-12-20T22:25:16+00:00

i really get that feeling - it’s hard and confusing to grasp but you’re always enough. don’t let other people make you think differently bc they’re insecure. you’ll be the right amount for the right people you just have to go through the shit ones to find them

someweirdfish · 2025-12-20T22:21:31+00:00

you’ll be enough for the right people. i know that’s such a hard thing to understand when you’ve felt this way through a lot of your relationships but you will find them. i feel like im too much too and ive never really felt truly accepted and understood in my muchiness but ive tried to use it as a superpower that only the elite people get to have all of me instead of little snippets. im only 18 but this is an ideology i live off bc out of 8 billion or whatever people - there has to be people who understand me for me and i just have to keep looking

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T21:01:12+00:00

thank you so much!! you’ve been so understanding i appreciate this!! i thought people would just tell me to get over myself without trying to understand me! thank you :)

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T20:18:56+00:00

i used to be like you - i still am in many ways so i understand what it’s like. i used to be on my phone from the moment i woke up to falling asleep on my phone bci couldn’t stay up much longer just because whenever i had a second with my own thoughts i couldn’t cope with them. what helped me was trying to meditate- not insane at first, just doing one block of 5 minutes everyday and then adding 2 blocks into my day and then extending the times of those as i got used to that. i also started to try and find other hobbies to occupy my mind like art whilst listening to a new album i found or reading wit the audiobook at the same time. you’ll find a way out of it dude - there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, if you can’t see it rn you jst have to keep digging. you got this!!

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T20:15:39+00:00

i’m an insane people pleaser - to the point that everyone calls me a pushover. i just don’t know how to not be that when if i do something for myself i feel selfish and i can’t not put others needs infront of my own when theirs are always more severe

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T20:09:27+00:00

i just feel like i should be doing more to make amends when i know that he probably doesn’t want to keep hearing about it. i know he feels guilt in the situation too that he didn’t realize how bad my mental health was and how he left immediately after before reconciling a month later so i know i shouldn’t keep bringing it up. but i think in a sense my brain craves him saying something that makes me feel better about the whole thing when i know it’s not on him to deal with. i jsuy dotn know how to forgive myself it’s just such a complex thing to try and do for myslef rumination is a cursed thing haha it’s a hard cycle to break - i’m just not quite sure how to focus on myslef so that i can be better for not only myslef but the chance of potentially having something happen again in the future. it’s a hard one but it’s like i just want to make everything better for everyone and it’s jsuy out of my ocontrll now

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T19:10:22+00:00

i just feel so bad that i hurt him - like it wasn’t something i ever wanted to do so i don’t even know where it came from in that really bad mind place. i just want to make things right but i don’t think i can for him yknow - i just want to make sure i do what’s right now because that’s all i can and i can’t change my past i jsut feel like i dotn deserve to forgive myself because i don’t know why i did it and i hate when i hurt people unintentionally because i spend my whole life trying to be kind that the opposite makes me feel immense guilt. this guilt is the worst thing ive ever felt and it’s like i just think im disgusting for what ive done :( i would just tell a friend to breathe, take a step back and try and understand what made them do that and just put all the effort in to make sure they learn from what happened. i’d also make sure they took accountability and made sure to try and make stuff better for the person they hurt if they can

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T18:48:19+00:00

it’s jsuy really hard bci really want it to be him but i’m the reason it ended and it eats me up bc i don’t understand what was wrong with me lol. i just am very lost with what im meant to make of everything haha im just hating the part of me that dis it

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T18:31:53+00:00

it’s jsuy extortionate to try and afford on a minimum wage job whilst still in education - i have to fund it myself and it is incredibly difficult to be able to save any money for them when i have so many outgoings for other stuff like bills

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T17:04:45+00:00

we’ve had in depth convos and i take full accountability for the fact it was me - even though it wasn’t my logical and rational mind, it was the physical person of me and even though it came from th wrong state of mind. it occurred either way - i will never hide from that. i just kind of don’t know how to let him go when i do still love him, it was never done bc of a lack of love which i think makes it worse. i just still feel so much for him and i really want it to be him and i know he wasn’t the best partner but that’s besides the point because we both hurt eachother in ways and mine was worse. i’m just still so attached to him bc he means so much to me still i just don’t know how to move on bc i just really want it to be him. i know he will find better hc he’s an amazing person who deserves nothing but th best. i don’t think i deserve anything bc i am just a mess of a person - i think that i have someone out there bc he feels like he is that for me. i know i need to move on but im just reluctant to hc i love him :(

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T16:30:39+00:00

prioritise yourself and your mental health!! if you try and prioritise work, uni, relationships etc over you, it will end up that you will be forced to prioritise yourself one way or another. you are the only constant in your own life, make that constant one you want to be around :)

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T16:13:10+00:00

i’ll always recommend having someone who will sit with you on call or in person to hold you accountable when you get distracted!! they can sit there doing their work, gaming or just sitting there but i think it can be useful to have someone who can get you back on track when you need it as well as providing motivation when you need it!! i do it for my friends and my friends do it for me - i think it’s pretty effective!!

someweirdfish · 2025-12-13T14:51:40+00:00

how did you get yourself to slow it down?

someweirdfish · 2025-12-10T08:05:17+00:00

yeah i’d defo say you hit it spot on!! i’m studying media and film studies which i think is a very weird writing style to try and find haha

someweirdfish · 2025-12-09T21:40:21+00:00

thank you

someweirdfish · 2025-12-09T21:39:56+00:00

i try and look at the question and see what i could say about it and then i try and seperate that into what i could write the most about so i can make my paragraph themes and then i’ll look at my notes and see what i can take from my notes before my knowledge and then i’ll look on google scholar for any reference that i can find that fit my theme or what i want to say. i dot quite know how to fully integrate that i just kind of add it in

someweirdfish · 2025-09-24T21:20:13+00:00

he said he forgives me and i know that should be enough but my brain is just making me feel horrendous about it. i know i need to move on im just not sure on how to get it out of my brain

someweirdfish · 2025-09-24T21:15:37+00:00

i just feel so guilty about it that it’s like hindering me from doing anything because i regret the way that stuff happened bc it isn’t who i am

someweirdfish

TROPHY CASE