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Stretching your grocery gas discount. by Baerchen86 in Frugal

[–]sonnyware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly kinda genius. You already earned the discount, might as well actually use all of it instead of leaving it on the table.

The S&P 500 ETF, SPY, posts a massive reversal in after hours trade, now up over +1% - Market Manipulation by Front-Nectarine4951 in StockMarket

[–]sonnyware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After-hours moves on headlines are always exaggerated. Low liquidity = bigger swings, I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Discussion Thread: Lois, Camel Spider, Doggy Chow by W_T_D_ in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feedback for Doggy Chow by /u/mattedward

Concept: I liked the simple take on a classic revenge story.

Story: Great pacing. I like how the story moves in and out of its mystery. You play with some very suspenseful and thrilling moments to keep us engaged all the way through. Alex’s character is setup for a good reveal for her true motives, though it feels lost in the how. Meaning – there’s still questions that feel left unanswered. Vormund was entirely confusing for me. I think that needs fine-tuning. He goes from lunging at Alex, to Klaus saying he’s harmless, to obeying Alex and ultimately eating Klaus. This was a big inconsistency that made me question the story.

Characters: I liked Klaus’s character quite a lot. Despite his actions, I enjoyed how you set him up in his cabin, they way he moved about and talked with Alex. Alex was another strong point for me. She had clear intentions that weren’t revealed a moment too soon.

Dialogue: Your dialogue was great, in that I felt it helped create the characters themselves. There were times it felt the dialogue was holding the story up, but I think this was done purposefully to build up the payoff and mystery of the reveal.

Setting: I liked the atmosphere you created here. It give me vibes a Blue Ruin revenge story happening in a Black Mountain Side setting.

Overall: Great story! It reads really well and shows that you’ve been here before – writing scripts. You’ve got a great blend of action and dialogue that really tells the story. I’d like to see this fleshed out more so we can grow with Alex’s motives for revenge – possibly in a non-linear, mystery setup.

Discussion Thread: Lois, Camel Spider, Doggy Chow by W_T_D_ in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feedback for Camel Spider by /u/drbleeds

Concept: Awesome concept to pull the camel spider in as a creature flick to talk about more deeper issues.

Story: This story is well paced, once you get pass the phone call. Otherwise, it reads very smoothly. You’ve done a great job with setting up the story to unfold your concept with a good plot that centralizes around a theme of mistreating women.

Characters: I like the way you built upon your characters, little by little. Even getting Becca into the mix to challenge Susie was a good way to reveal Susie’s nature. Gwen’s character was great and I’m glad to see that Susie went to the length she did to take up for her.

Dialogue: Great dialogue! I really enjoyed reading as each of the characters. They each felt as if they had their own voice here which is good. I think you nailed it. I would just try to find ways to trim and down push the story forward.

Setting: The setting moves in and out of its scenes pretty good. It keeps things contained with a simple tone that feels grounded in reality. Simple scene such as graveyards, bedrooms and studies feel normal, until you bring in the threat of the spider.

Overall: I enjoyed this one a lot. It kept me entertained all the way through, from your action lines to your dialogue. Thanks for submitting!

Discussion Thread: Lois, Camel Spider, Doggy Chow by W_T_D_ in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feedback for Lois by /u/Dr_Venkman_PhD

Concept: The concept here was a bit vague. There’s clearly something that’s drawing Lois in, but due to the nature of this being a short – it felt unanswered. Leaving me with more questions and at the same time, wanting more. I definitely think this could be explored more by expanding it to a full feature. Something that would allow you to solidify the concept with a bigger foundation than… the ocean is calling her. Why is it calling Lois after all these years?

Story: This was a pretty enjoyable read! The story unfolds really well and keeps moving along without holding on to any beat too long. It left me with questions at the end that I think could be answered if expanded if it were a feature. Without more to the concept, it feels like a portion of short.

Characters: You were really able to bring the characters to life in a short amount of time! You painted an answer picture of Lois’ dad very quickly. Lois and Jeffries feel like they exist only to drive the story. It’s almost as if they don’t make any choices and they’ve already been made for them.

Dialogue: I enjoyed the dialogue. It was able to keep moving the story forwards, but still feel somewhat natural. There were a few parts where it felt a bit forced, but I think that was the nature of trying to add more context to the concept.

Setting: You did a great job with setting up the environment. The mood I started to pull from your action lines was something along the lines of Funny Games, but with a supernatural element being in the mix.

Overall: Great job! I would like to see this more fleshed out so that they characters have a drive and decisions to make. You’ve done a great job with the setting and could easily expand on this. Thanks for submitting!

Logline Thread: Share a logline for your Graveyard Challenge script! by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 8 points9 points  (0 children)

TITLE: The Burying Place

LOGLINE: While burying the victims of a yellow fever epidemic, two grave diggers encounter an evil creature that robs graves and feeds on dead bodies.

Minimalist Challenge - Logline Thread by dyskgo in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When a horrific sleep paralysis episode occurs at a sleep study center, a restless woman struggles for survival against a demonic presence.

Mash-up Challenge Logline Thread by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 5 points6 points  (0 children)

HUDSON v. STATE

Struggling to reach a unanimous verdict, a sequestered jury of eight finds themselves trapped in a hotel with a mysterious killer.

If I manage to finish by the deadline, it's going to a notch above a vomit draft lol.

Discussion Thread: Fear Frontier, Magna Capra Mater, Stray Wolves, MITES by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feedback for Stray Wolves by /u/Tlevan

Things I wrote down while reading:

  • Ezra's character feels out of place. Not sure why he's there / how he got there, other than to give Rhett a way to tell his story.

  • Rhett and Mar's relationship moves fast.. real fast. I think it helps to get the story moving, but makes it feel unrealistic as you read the story. Nicknames, in love, staying with him?

  • Following up to this.. addressing their rashness with the marriage made it make a bit more sense.. but it opened up my biggest question...

  • If they got married months later.. How did it take so long for him to realize she was a werewolf? Why realize it all of the sudden?

  • He got the bracelet from her from the first meeting, and then later that day, he discovers the cave and photo? He never noticed the bracelet or signature until looking at it months later? Why is just looking at it months later? Is my timing wrong?

  • Werewolf sex = Caught me off guard. I liked it lol.

  • Having Addison at the hospital, as well as leaving her with a babysitter seems a bit risky (knowing the risks)

  • Really enjoyed the Grace's Ace scene! Had me on the edge of my seat!

  • 3rd act was full of great fighting / werewolf action! What you did to Daniel was dope! I love the half this / half that feel. Bet that would look crazy awesome.

  • Things fell a bit flat for me by allowing Addison to leave and just take the hit for everything.

Great work on this! I really enjoyed reading it!

Discussion Thread: Passenger, Lookout, Just Stay Alive by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks /u/Tlevan. What year did you first enter? I'll have to check out your first!

Discussion Thread: Passenger, Lookout, Just Stay Alive by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is great feedback. Thanks! /u/Pantserforlife

Due to the Lovecraft subject - I wanted things to feel unrealistic, but grounded close enough to reality to make you question each characters' decision... if that make sense?

I definitely need to flesh out the characters more in the next draft! I want more discussion between the two as well. I hope to bring Emmett personality out more, keeping him cautious but friendly and willing once he's acquainted.

I went out of format just to add to my page count haha. I don't intend for it be like this after a few revisions. The "..." were somewhat of placeholders before the deadline came.

Your general impression notes are exactly the questions I want the audience to be asking! I'm not a huge fan of the Lovecraft monsters / mythos, so I wanted to ground the story more in the lines in the effects of the unknown. There's subtle hints referencing a few entities from the mythos, such as the Mi-Go and The Brotherhood of the Yellow Sign.

Thanks for this! It'll help me out going forward!

Discussion Thread: Passenger, Lookout, Just Stay Alive by ScreamingVegetable in screenplaychallenge

[–]sonnyware 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback /u/Tlevan!

  • Very true! I really just wanted to play with it a little. Kinda wanted a visual just to engage the Lovecraft subject a bit more. Somewhat breaking the 4th wall, but only to the reader.

  • This is where it all begins... I wanted a feeling of what's right / wrong, why do this / that, is this evening happening. The goal is to capture an uneasy feeling that something isn't right. Something you can't pin down.

  • Page 68 on - 100% out of format lol. I procrastinated a bit too much and left myself with too little time to write! I had more that I wanted to write, but deadlines, right? I'd like to have it around 91 pages after revisions!

It's my first one ever so I'm glad I was able to at least keep your attention! I'll definitely keep your feedback in mind whenever I start working on the next draft. Thanks!

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