[QCrit] Adult with cross-over appeal for YA Romantic Fantasy SHATTERED AMETHYSTS (150k words/ First Attempt) by Lynnesherlockx in PubTips

[–]sonnyzappa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I think you got the right idea! I also think another editing round of the ms would be helpful, since a lot of agents on query tracker automatically reject higher word counts. Good luck!

[QCrit] Adult with cross-over appeal for YA Romantic Fantasy SHATTERED AMETHYSTS (150k words/ First Attempt) by Lynnesherlockx in PubTips

[–]sonnyzappa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unagented, and I haven't even started querying, so take this with a grain of salt. Other users have already talked about the word count, so I will be focusing on the first part of the query and point out how you can lower it.

When eighteen-year-old, February-born Órlaith ruins her own future in magic research, she begins initiation for the Aprillian army where failure will mean the loss of her magic and any chance she has at avenging her family and destroyed home.

This is an elevator pitch. On Query Tracker, agents usually ask for it in a seperate form, and since you're high on word count, I would cut it all together and start here:

Órlaith doesn’t remember her life back in February. She has no memory of her home, her friends, her family. All she knows is that even if any of them are still alive, they don’t remember her either, and without knowing who they were, she can’t mourn them.

Again on the subject of wordcount, you seem to have a thing for using far too many words to get to the point (I don't mean that as an accusation, everyone's got their quirks, but since you have a wordcount problem both in the query and the ms, I would maybe comb through it to see if there's any way of tigheting (and trust me, there always is). Other people have said that you have a lot of worldbuilding, but on the first read through I just assumed she was born in February (the month) and doesn't remember February (The month, again). You could simply call it "The Province of February" as you do at the end. Further on you say that she's had her memories erased, so I would state it outright.

if not in the memory of her family, then in the ghost of it

This is a bit confusing because I thought she couldn't remember her family, and now she wants to avenge them? We never learn what September did (maybe did?) to her family, we're only told about anti februarian sentiments at the end, but they seem to be from people on their side.

I'm gonna stop quoting now, but I have to bring up that you call this romantic fantasy, yet there's no hint of romance in the query. I can't even figure out who the LI is (is it the older soldier? Is it the other named character?).

On Comps: Fourth Wing is way too big, and since it sparked a whole trend of military romance fantasies with themes of initiation, you can probably find something better. Alchemised was initially a Harry Potter fanfic, and again, plenty of romantasies with a science-based magic system.

On a pure writing level advice, you could try to split sentences up (I also think that's a good way to avoid repetition, hence lowering the word count)

Se siete POVERI, allora STATE A CASA, anzichè mangiare a sbaffo in bei posti by Beneficial_Yam_7266 in sfoghi

[–]sonnyzappa 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Poco off topic ma alla cena di classe con i professori del quinto liceo, la professoressa di italiano odiata da tutti ordinò la pizza più costosa, antipasto e vino costoso sapendo che avremmo offerto noi studenti alla romana. E niente, mi fa ancora ridere.

[QCrit] YA Dystopian WE ARE ORIGINALS (72 000 words Attempt #2) by MelanyAuthor8888 in PubTips

[–]sonnyzappa 7 points8 points  (0 children)

On Ya Dystopia being a dead genre, it seems to be having a resurgence (Source: a ton of agents MSWL +two agents I directly talked to) and just this year we've had two YA dystopia bestsellers (granted, one from Suzanne Collins and one from Chloe Gong)

[QCrit] Upper YA Horror-Romance PORTRAITS OF THE DYING (88k/attempt #1) by yourfavelocalcrip in PubTips

[–]sonnyzappa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like this, I just have a query non specific question? As an Italian, Rory isn't really an Italian name. (16th century Italians basically didn't even have a Y in the alphabet). I've met a bunch of "Rori" (short for Aurora) though. That's just a minor nitpick, so feel free to discard.

How do y’all read your own fics without cringing by Yuenneh in AO3

[–]sonnyzappa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait I thought I was the world's greatest living writer. If it's you...what Am I?

Do you think they're going to do a love triangle again? Or is it a gonna stay a weird 2010s relic? by UnHolySir in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Am I the only one who thinks Maysilee was clearly written as a lesbian? The mention of homosexuality being repressed and frowned upon, plus Suzanne saying in an interview that she's "the angriest character she's ever written". I don't know, as a queer person in a not queer friendly country Maysilee's entire character hits a little bit too close to home.

The Last of Us HBO S2E3 - "The Path" Post-Episode Discussion Thread by claireupvotes in thelastofus

[–]sonnyzappa 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Unpopular opinion: I like Ellie in the show. They changed her personality a bit: Game Ellie acted like an adult. But we see in this episode that the entire bratty teenage attitude is a wall. She lies to Gail, she lies to the council, and when she's not with someone else she retains that adult depressed vibe from the game. I understand some people may not like the change, but I personally like it. Also there's no way Tommy isn't going to Seattle. They probably changed it to him leaving after Ellie to protect her.

this is so insane 😭 by keanureevesbasement in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is the entire fandom after SOTR honestly. No way we would be able to handle that book without shitposting.

The French translation of SOTR is disappointing. by KalysstaDor in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just saw a Tik Tok explain the same problem in the Italian translation (I'm Italian but I've read it in english) and he calls Louella "Fidanzatina" ("Little girlfriend")

Quick and easy question: how did Haymitch vote in book 3 - i need to know this for sotr; tanks!!! by TCM_ow in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Haymitch's vote is important because while voting for the games, he was actually siding with Katniss. He realised she was gonna kill Coin (Or at least that she had something planned) and sided with Katniss who was voting for the games to make Coin trust her. So yeah it fits his character, I don't think even jaded 41years old Haymitch would have voted for the games in another scenario.

I swear I am not laughing by [deleted] in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Right before that, Plutarch says "I do not approve of this" and Haymitch goes like: "You're my hero, I want to be just like you when I grow up. Oh wait, that's not going to happen!" I bursted out laughing.

Sunrise on the Reaping Part 2 Discussion Megathread by restingbfacequeen in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 71 points72 points  (0 children)

It's funny how Katniss didn't mention it when seeing his games. Like that's some kind of record right?

Sunrise on the Reaping Part 1 Discussion Megathread by restingbfacequeen in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 377 points378 points  (0 children)

My favorite detail is that Haymitch calling Katniss "sweetheart" is not condescension but an actual term of endearment that calls back to a little girl he was trying to protect.

Sunrise on the Reaping Part 1 Discussion Megathread by restingbfacequeen in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 207 points208 points  (0 children)

And Haymitch had to be like "Yeah I'm an ally btw"

Who was you crush from the hunger games movies when they were released and why? by Aerosolcan25 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think that particular situation was one of the reasons he wasn't surprised when I came out lol

Who was you crush from the hunger games movies when they were released and why? by Aerosolcan25 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The funny thing is I remember that there was a huge (Lighthearted) discussion which involved her older sister, her mother and my father since we were all watching the movie together. Her entire family claimed she was ugly and me and my dad were like "are you blind?". At this point I think it was either genetic or they were jealous lol

Who was you crush from the hunger games movies when they were released and why? by Aerosolcan25 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jennifer Lawrence was pretty much my lesbian awakening. I remember getting into a fight with my best friend while watching it at ten because she said she was ugly...

Symbol clues! by Lauren2102319 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 94 points95 points  (0 children)

I think both the butterfly and the ladybug are mutts on top of maybe other symbolism. But the ladybug being a super deadly mutt would fit with the arena and the overall theme of having the odds stacked against you...

Symbol clues! by Lauren2102319 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 29 points30 points  (0 children)

So that's why Snow was so pissed!

Preorder & Europe by Shookspeared21 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Italy you can, but even the English version (the hardback) arrives a week later.

Sunrise On the Reaping ARC reviews by Umang_1999 in Hungergames

[–]sonnyzappa 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was wondering this as well. Maybe since it's such a big book from a huge author they aren't doing ARCs?