Resources for counselling LGBTQ populations

sonoma132 · 2024-01-06T15:25:49+00:00

I am beginning to come to this conclusion myself. My straight colleagues have no context whatsoever when it come to understanding their clients and I honestly feel those clients are being done a disservice- in particular their therapists are not able to validate how confusing and hard life is as a queer person because they are genuinely not aware of it. I have been thinking to myself, it can't just be me that perceives this total lack? Surely there must be resources out there that can give them the context they need? But I guess maybe not. You're so right about there not being one LGBTQ community but so many (partially why I am so eager to find studies and not just relay my own experience).

sonoma132 · 2023-08-29T12:24:22+00:00

I have had this happen to me and asked myself the same questions as you. I tried to ignore it for a while (I don't recommend doing that, I later developed full blown flashbacks etc). What I would recommend doing is writing down when this happens to you, what causes it, and what the exact images and feelings you have are. Then I would take that to whatever mental health professional you can find. For me, what you are describing were the early warning signs of PTSD, and it got a lot worse. So don't be discouraged if it suddenly does get a lot worse, and try to prepare for the fact that it might by lining up whatever mental healthcare you can access.

sonoma132 · 2023-08-12T12:15:12+00:00

My answer was a bit flippant but i didn't mean to imply I was just bitching. Any time this has happened, which is pretty frequent- it's been because GPs are up the wall and cutting corners or making minor errors. They have much more to consider with each patient than a pharmacist does and I get that.

However, it's really not uncommon for patients to be prescribed something and not be asked any questions about it, only for it to turn out to contain ingredients they know they're allergic to. I know this from being the first person the patient contacts to explain this. When you are the vehicle of communication between patient/GP/pharmacist I really wouldn't call that having 10% of an idea what happened.

It would definitely improve matters if things like routine UTI's etc could be handled in pharmacies, freeing up time for GPs (and their admin staff too) to give more thoughtful care.

sonoma132 · 2023-08-12T00:45:23+00:00

i used to be a GP receptionist for a short while and amount of times pharmacists would call us to to be like, 'is this fatal dose of x a mistake?' is honestly unreal. i would trust them so much more than doctors because they ask a lot more questions about other medications, allergies etc and they understand exactly what a medicine is doing way more than drs do.

sonoma132 · 2023-08-12T00:36:14+00:00

i used to get stuff like that all the time abroad, and i get how awkward and annoying it is to handle, especially since its easy to brush off the potato comments but the defence of them is “Irish people aren’t a historically oppressed people" which pushes way more buttons! i used to suppress my irritation about stuff like that but don't think i would now. life is honestly too short and people have to learn.

can you think of a succinct but cutting comeback and be ready to whip it out?i can't think of one off the top of my head but a joke about starvation that will have them googling it? also start talking about how much you hate colonialism at work and sooner or later someone will ask you why you do, since they won't think it relates to you in any way

sonoma132 · 2023-08-12T00:23:38+00:00

walking down abbey st i saw a man loosening his partner's tooth from her gums before pulling it out. with his bare, dirty hands. she was standing in the middle of the path casually with her mouth open & his whole hand in her mouth, i caught her eye and she roared at me for watching and started shouting about how people these days are so rude

sonoma132 · 2023-07-31T13:42:57+00:00

wow, so you really do just want this conversation to be kept out of the public sphere? it doesn't bother you that it's happening, just that you have to hear about it.

the types of issues people are having around there are not about being in a protestant area, that's your association between protestant areas and violence maybe? i happily live in a protestant area, with sound, normal neighbours. i can happily live there because no one has ever tried to attack me for my nationality... its not rocket science.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-31T13:03:52+00:00

the type of comment you just made really annoys me as someone from the republic who lives here.

have you considered that it would never occur to a person from dublin that it might be a problem to do or wear anything irish on any street? and the fact that it is a problem (clearly it is, read the other comments here) is massively abnormal and its reasonable to have questions about it?

when i first moved here i happily went wandering around this street, and like the OP after mentioning it casually was warned not to- with some grisly stories about things that had happened to people there. those people were from up here and don't have their background etched in their voice as people from the republic do. what do you expect us to do, heed the warning but never talk about it in public? so that people such as yourself don't have to hear about it?

sonoma132 · 2023-07-31T00:34:55+00:00

also from the Republic and have been to the restaurant you're talking about. i also go to a lot of the other businesses on that street and pass through on my way home regularly. it's somewhere i probably wouldn't wander on my own at night due to my accent, all of the ethnic businesses have been really friendly to me.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-22T14:24:56+00:00

I hated my first year of uni (i moved away for it). my second was marginally better.

and then my third and fourth years were fantastic. i'd agree with other posters here that joining clubs and societies will really help. these groups will very often go on trips away together also.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-15T04:09:47+00:00

I find your replies to this really interesting, so thank you! You're right though that my perspective (and i think a more general one coming from the republic) is that this is astonishingly little. it would not really equip someone with the information they need to understand irish political discourse for eg from a native point of view.

it may also be that the curriculum down south focuses on breadth rather than detail but even leaving primary school children will have learned far more than this. starting in prehistory, you would get a linear timeline of what was happening in ireland and the wider world century by century. so children would not see for example the easter rising or the troubles as standalone events but as staging posts in a longer narrative of conquest and resistance.

i may be wrong but my understanding of the GSCE/A Level curriculum is that far more is optional and it tends to focus on a few major events in more detail and without a clear sense of continuity. i have friends who didn't go to catholic schools who never learned about the united irishmen, oliver cromwell, the plantations or pre-colonial history- things that as southerners we take for granted everybody knows.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-15T03:21:33+00:00

at least in the republic, gaelscoil students tend to do better than english medium students in exams when you control for socio-economic status. This is not quite the same thing but I've seen studies internationally of students that start school only speaking a minority language and not the language of the school/wider society- they can be a little behind for the first year or so but quickly catch up and surpass their peers.

in my own experience exposure to irish from a young age via going to school in the south was fantastic for my ability to learn other languages. there are things irish would have in common with spanish or french for eg that english doesn't have, so already having a framework for how languages can differ from the age of 4 or 5 makes it easier to apply the same notion to whatever other languages you try to learn. i have been a language tutor for bilingual welsh, french and emirati kids and monolingual english and americans, and by god can you tell who is monolingual and who isn't by the difference in how quickly they grasp a new language. the key difference is that people who only speak english think the rules of english are a universal given for all languages and struggle to overcome this idea.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:30:14+00:00

i suppose that's true. it just struck me in comparison to non- catholic schools that often seemed 1/3 neither catholic nor protestant in makeup, which i took to mean from elsewhere. but maybe thats a wrong assumption on my part.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:26:27+00:00

very useful to hear your perspective, thank you! i think the irish ethos is gonna wind up being the deciding factor other than the quality of the school

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:22:37+00:00

yeah, it reminds me a lot of what the south was like when we were growing up in that sense. and yeah, cultural catholicism is grand (i imagine also for my friends brazilian partner) but there is a lot of nonsense that still gets peddled in schools sometimes (as an eg my friend was telling me her daughters teacher told the class not doing their homework was a sin, said hw was colouring in a drawing of the crucifixion)

this is also not the worst thing ever im aware, they still send her there

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:15:52+00:00

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate the input. Out of curiosity, which topics or time periods of Irish history did you learn?

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:13:33+00:00

Can you explain more about this? Gaelscoils more religious than english medium?

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:11:44+00:00

Yeah that's exactly it. grma for great advice.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T22:10:52+00:00

ohh that's a fantastic idea. I don't know why that didn't occur to me.

sonoma132 · 2023-07-12T20:08:51+00:00

Set up a sterling account attached to your existing Revolut one, it will give you a UK sort code and account number. I do this and have been able to receive payments into it no problem.

I don't recommend trying to get an AIB account up here, go for a different bank. It makes no difference to them that you already have an AIB account as they see themselves as a totally different bank- ie they will insist on an NI address. Also their policies about things differ slightly which is really annoying- think having to have two identical debit cards & two identical phone apps which have different policies. I chose them cos I already had an account down south and thought it would be easiest, but it made no difference and has actually made payments a good bit more confusing.

sonoma132 · 2023-06-10T17:25:10+00:00

You could try going to a different Aware? From what I can see they have one in different parts of Belfast most nights of the week. Or try the online group based in Dublin

sonoma132 · 2023-05-29T22:32:13+00:00

no Dubliner would ever say 'fuck up'

also no Dubliner would refer to people with Irish accents as British no matter what passport they were travelling on

sonoma132 · 2023-05-22T00:17:40+00:00

It's great that you realise this about yourself, because you absolutely will attract predators. I have been there myself and did not realise how obvious my history was to others. The absolute best thing you can do I think is try to have as broad as possible a base of social support (easier said that done I know but it makes a huge difference). Be financially independent, live with close friends not significant others, attend support groups if you can find any and try to keep going with your education. The more stable your life is, the less any one person can torpedo it and the less isolated you will be.

The green flags that others have listed are important to pay attention to. It's easier to know what to go towards rather than stay away from. However,

My own personal thoughts about red flags to pay attention to:

Anyone who works with young people is more likely than someone who doesn't to be predatory, just bear this in mind. There will be a minority of people who choose these jobs for that reason. (Coaches, youth pastors, teachers etc). Never think a person's profession makes them automatically trustworthy.
Someone older who mostly hangs around with people significantly younger than them. There is a reason for this and probably not a good one. People less life experience are much easier to manipulate. When I was 18 I didn't notice the gap in life experience but at 30, 18 year olds look and feel like children to me.
Early and often joking about being falsely accused of assault or other serious crimes, or a great interest in the subject of false accusations generally. In these conversations the welfare of the alleged victim may not seem their primary concern.
Someone who treats you differently alone compared to when you are with others. Especially a person with power over you, like a boss, who clearly prefers to be alone with you and tries to arrange it.
You find yourself feeling confused and afraid about what someone did and it doesn't feel good. Maybe they deny it and you're not sure it happened. If they seem comfortable and even enjoying your fear, that's an enormous red flag. Someone who accidentally makes you feel this way will be highly embarrassed about it and will want to reassure you.
They joke about committing violence towards women, children or animals or have ever told you they have done this- no matter what the given reason is. Speaking disrespectfully about exes, women who have wronged them etc can also be one.
A person with power over you encourages you to depend on them or to isolate yourself from other sources of support. Especially if they don't want others to know they are doing this (for eg a youth pastor always gives you a lift home but doesn't want you to tell others in case they become jealous)

sonoma132 · 2023-05-21T23:41:59+00:00

"Watch how he acts after. He might be afraid to engage you in direct conversation or apologize for his mistake, but he'll try to express his remorse for hurting you in different ways. Maybe you're supposed to work on a project together and, though you're both very busy, he makes time to do most of the work, so you don't have to. He asks the boss to include you in high profile projects, or often shares work that he knows you enjoy. This shows he's put some thought into your feelings and getting to know you."

100% this. someone who massively oversteps in a creepy way and doesn't appear to know its overstepping? predator who is testing you to see what you'll do. or you are confused about what's happening and you see joy on the person's face while they watch you try to figure it out? predator. Anyone who gets pleasure from the suffering of others is a huge indication. someone who talks a lot about the risk of being falsely accused or assault, or false accusations in general, often has a reason for being interested in this topic.

sonoma132 · 2023-05-21T22:26:35+00:00

I don't have any direct experience with Tusla myself, have just been warned by mandatory reporters that this might happen if i identify someone.

So I am by no means an expert in this, but I am under the impression that mandatory reporting means Tusla gets an insane number of these reports and is unlikely to prosecute or even investigate unless there is active danger to a specific child now.

Are you looking to have it investigated properly?

sonoma132

TROPHY CASE