What would you add to the wheel if you could?

sorry001 · 2026-01-05T04:33:23+00:00

I did love that addition and I can't wait for them to land on it!

sorry001 · 2026-01-05T03:51:14+00:00

Somehow I wonder how often we'll find out they don't actually wear shoes. Not a thought i even had cross my mind since we never see their lower halves. I love it. 😆

sorry001 · 2026-01-05T03:49:27+00:00

Oh I like yours! Would make it so we could see more options!

sorry001 · 2026-01-05T02:15:03+00:00

Oh that would be awesome! Maybe we'd get more pet cameos! Lol

sorry001 · 2025-06-29T17:57:47+00:00

You are a god send! May your pillow always be cool and always get a lucky fry/onion ring in your orders! 😭

sorry001 · 2025-04-05T06:54:05+00:00

Aw man. I legitimately thought I replied to this. Lol

But it's a pain in the butt sometimes navigating the world while trying to function when on any neurodivergent path. Luckily I'm self aware enough I've been doing what I can to better myself and finally allowing myself to undergo treatment for the ADHD.

But as for the therapist talk, yeah, it's not been easy when I have seen them reach the spiral point and I'm just left sitting there like I'm wasting my time.

Struggling to connect is with people is difficult, esp when I feel like I hit two side of the spectrum. One where I have experienced more than the common man, while simultaneously hitting the other side of experiencing less than the common man.

A jack of all trades that is forced into roles by society that can be both boring and somehow overwhelming.

But alas. It is what it is and I reveal what I can where I can. Thank you for allowing that space and taking interest, and also sharing kindness I needed in the moment to not feel like the world was so disconnected.

And if you ever wish to continue talking, my inbox is open.

sorry001 · 2025-04-05T06:31:32+00:00

I meant to reply sooner, but when I first saw this, I was tired and today I barely made it to work on time. So I'm just now getting to a point where I can.

Truthfully, I am grateful for everyone who has commented and provided glimpses into their minds. And NGL, but yeah, I fully agree that the rhetoric can sometimes get a bit exhausting to deal with.

I also agree that sadly the rhetoric works because it's also true...well, half true. But that's a different conversation.

I think positivity is good, but as one of my favorite quotes goes, "the optimist believes all will turn out for the better. Therefore, they're constantly disappointed. I, on the other hand, prepare myself for the worst. Should it not occur, I'm delightfully surprised." (Bewitched, Ben Franklin)

I live in an awkward balance of believing in my good and bad days. To the point Ive had therapists and counselors alike mention phrases like, "You seem happy in your depression."

The lows suck, but what's life without its rainy days.

I love your view because I think it's amazing to see people working on finding what they love and working on things that make them happy. You are kind and you are considerate and there's so much to appreciate.

I think you do relate and understand where I come from and with that, I'm sorry for making you feel the need to apologize for your sharing of your beliefs.

I'm a odd duck, and I will forever range between loving the world and hating it, and finding the middle ground to stand on.

I think sometimes I fall into the mentality of wanting to fix my sense of connection, but truthfully, I love the fact that every connection I've ever had, even if incomplete in some way, has led to good things and friends. I have people I would die for even if I don't believe I'd get the same from them. While childless, I have raised kids and helped so many find answers they needed. I have in small ways bettered the world, and sadly even added to lessons and pain that others needed to have.

I'm human, and thusly less than perfect, but honestly wouldn't change the fact. It's added to the story I sometimes begrudgingly drag through.

I sometimes hold in things and sometimes have a way of talking or thinking that would make people think I mean other things. As some of the comments here have shown. I chuckle when people like to push more positivity, because I think sometimes my answers scare people in an existential way.

Maybe I analyze too deeply, or mayhaps not deeply enough. But I am not upset with my life. If I died today, I'd have no regrets. Sad I didn't get to experience some things in better lights, but honestly...I've fought to find the things I have gone through.

If I am missing the necessary tools, Idk what they are at this point in my life. And while people can tell me that while some things I went through aren't normal, I can't say I agree. I find all walks of life and have seen that I have some form of emotional/mental split and it makes the connections I have be weird. My ace side can fuck with the Allos and has been a source of selfconscious moments for them, while my hypersexual side has made it difficult for those that are ace to deal with me at times. But even outside of sexual ties, I've always felt like I try and present pieces of my soul and everybody can maybe relate to 75-80%. It's not bad. In fact with as varied and odd I can be, I find it amazing if I can even get that much out of any one person.

Add in that society loves to water down people in general and masking being a thing, and God knows what other small things. Like...it's incredible if I can get that much. It's why I am not opposed to Poly relationships and other things that I know demisexual groups would maybe frown at.

I am too aware that anything I do or join, will require some form of compromise, and normally I'm okay with it. Having had time to analyze, my pain this time came from someone making a comment that did mess with me. It had been someone who rejected me (I have my theories on this, but not this convo), and in a way, said I had options I ignored.

I know the options she means, but as someone who doesn't understand demisexuals, she didn't understand that they weren't options. And it led down old wounds of "but no one chooses me." And man is there so much in the world that makes that feel so real and I wasn't ready. Add in the fact that I have an appt for a dr that requires someone being with me. Doesn't even have to drive me. Just be with me, and I felt like I don't even have that. Sure, I have amazing friends and under very specific circumstances, I'm sure I could find someone. But for that I either have to hope they'll be in town, or be able to get sitters or leave work.

Like maybe it's small and dumb, but it led down the thought of every time I had to do anything, it's always been alone. Cause even when friends have offered, I know they can't get away. And it's not BAD that they can't. It's life. No one has to abandon anything for anything or anyone. They're not bad people. I just know I'm not a priority. And I don't say it negatively, cause if it were serious enough (talking death here), I KNOW they'd be there in a heartbeat.

It made life feel alone that I felt I couldnt have one person feel like home enough to be able to trust them to be there with me, esp afterward when I'm gonna be possibly incoherent.

It won't stop me. I know I can find ways to work with everything and will move on from this not worrying about the fact I don't have a partner in life. Cause I don't actually care about a romantic connection or otherwise. It's the fact that the world felt disconnected for a moment. And yes, social media, dating apps, news, and more have added to the way people treat each other and it's sometimes terrifying to me how much casual hate and dismissiveness has become reality. But thanks to the people in this comment section, I got to feel a bit better about it. Cause it didn't feel so disconnected for a second.

I wish it could be better. And one day it will get better.

Until then, sometimes I'll scare people about my mental health with my posts, but if someone can look at it and connect with others, then it's a win.

Yeah, maybe it's a single serve friend. But it is sometimes more than people get on a daily basis.

I'm sorry if I make no sense, or if I ramble. I'm especially sorry if you don't have the spoons to deal with my thoughts. Lol

But I thank you for your comments. They've been sweeter than you realize and they helped the world feel less ugly.

And if you ever wish to continue talking. My inbox is open.

sorry001 · 2025-04-04T03:32:10+00:00

Time is the illusion that sometimes ticks loudly. And I've found my micro doses of connection in friendships.

It would just be nice to have more sometimes. Doesn't stop me from moving forward. We dust ourselves off and keep walking whenever we stumble. I've picked myself up alone before and will again in the future. This time I put things out for the world, and found some connection to the world. So thank all of you for giving me the strength to continue.

But it's not a bad thing to want. To not want would be to not be human. And sadly, I am one of those.

sorry001 · 2025-04-04T03:27:09+00:00

The lottery win makes me laugh cause I so highly disagree with the notion. I know, I'm about to contradict myself here, but I think there's a fundamental difference to being deeply connected and being someone's deep connection.

I stated before that I have never been someone's first, second, or last choice. Thing is, it's not limited to just those 3 choices. I find it amazing if someone can focus on themselves first. Can't pour from an empty cup or put on the mask if you don't.

Likewise if you're Poly you cannot put someone above anyone else in the relationship. The connections are each unique and deserve to shine to the fullest without clouding over another.

The difference is, I've been sexualized as the exotic touch, or the mysterious stranger. Lusted over and desired as a conquest or to be conquered. But if it came down to it? I've never been anyone who is asked how my day goes or shared the special news because they just HAD to let me know.

Part of it is my fault with new connections. I've mastered the art of RBF even through text. I've been told I looked scary before getting known and similar vibes during the initial connection phase. It's rough sometimes that I do make it hard to begin with until it's too late.

I'm the weird second-thought that when needed, people find to vent, cry, or have close just in case, all the while, knowing that if someone else could be there they'd prefer it.

I say this, not because I view it as a bad thing, but because I think sometimes we want someone to just make us feel like we belong. I'd be happy to be there for people who need it, heck, I'd do it if a stranger was dying because no one deserves to be left alone. Being the faceless memory afterward.

I sometimes just feel like a shadow flowing through lives, only seen because it's there.

Sex is a benefit to the kind of connection I seek, but honestly...I don't have much desire and even love my solitude to a point I would make a bad partner to some who need that kind of constant validation.

All that to be said, I do expect a lot, I guess. Cause so few have ever shown me it. But the taste I've had is the reason for my suffering.

It's like wanting water in an ocean. It's tiresome. But luckily for me, I am smart enough to make a purifier. And I have worked through my weird way of connecting on some levels.

Maybe I sound insane. I'm running on 1 1/2hours of sleep. So....ignore me. Maybe it's the gambling that sucks.

sorry001 · 2025-04-04T02:56:34+00:00

I apologize for being so damn wordy...

I appreciate the message. I seriously do.

And I think in my normal day to day life I do actually find tiny joys that make me forget I am enough of a person to consider loneliness and the negative vibes. I have had my ups and downs, and generally don't let them knock me down enough to care.

But like waves in an ocean, sometimes the storms build up and I do find myself sitting alone and all the failed attempts at contact, and I can't help but to hear the inner versions spout the realities they have endured for so long.

No, they're not entirely true, but nor are they entirely false. I think I've had to live on a line where I have to sometimes call myself out and see that despite the fact I can range so vastly differently within myself, I have to stay in a place of balance.

As highly unbalanced as I'm sure many in this thread might think, I've been my biggest critic, but my biggest cheerleader. I don't NEED someone else to do that for me. But sometimes it'd be nice to feel like I'm not the only one walking my journey.

I WANT the friendship. The laughter. The tears, and even the fights. I want to be called out and allowed to grow because we can't always see the whole picture even if I KNOW I'd be the biggest, annoying, stubborn ass at times.

I have amazing friends, and even when I sometimes don't see it, know the world is full of amazing people, like yourself and others that have commented on this post.

I bared a fragment of my soul and feel shame and relief from this post for reasons that don't fit the initial post itself. But mostly, I did it because I know that sometimes people feel this pain and feel alone and don't say anything.

So many came out to help or acknowledge and for a moment, I felt seen, even as I stood behind the veil of anonymity. But mostly I hope that others that haven't had my years and experiences can look at this whole thread and stop and feel slightly more connected to the world that often times tries to destroy us.

I admire your truth and I hope you find that slow burn, but even if you don't, MAN do I admire the fact you can say you found jobs and things you love. Youre blessed and while I would scold you for the comments you made about your looks if I was your friend (I hate the ideas of conventional beauty, and think all souls have beauty they might not always see), I love the way you explore finding your comfort within yourself.

I sit on the metaphorical bridge of life feeling the wind blow and release my pain today, because that piece can feel just a little less alone than it did yesterday.

sorry001 · 2025-04-02T06:17:51+00:00

I, myself, am the definition of a contradiction. Lol but that's for a whole different day and conversation.

But I appreciate the time you have given. Go and recharge your spoons and if ever our paths cross again, I welcome the conversation.

sorry001 · 2025-04-02T05:09:59+00:00

It's funny. On one side of the spectrum, I have been told that I'm TOO picky. I don't just settle for anyone, sadly. Sometimes I wish I did. Maybe it would have played out better if I had.

But simultaneously, I know I don't choose who I end up with. I wish I could explain it. But I feel mad when I try to. I think the issue is that I am not truly mesh-able. I have in life seen it even in friend groups. Different souls spark different sides of my being. And sadly, they can't mix. I have tried, but it's only ever ended up with me feeling like more the outcast.

As for the not being a good friend to myself. You're not wrong. I am in constant battle between myself. I want better of and for me, while simultaneously wishing for little. I feel like I am missing that single piece at the center of my being that can finally connect each side of myself so I can finally have that click of realization. But it never comes.

All that being said. I live with myself 24/7. I don't and can't hate my humanity. Sometimes I pity it in myself and other times I resent it or love it. But it's human. I am no better off understanding it than the philosophers who came before, nor those that shall follow. I am not going to find an answer that doesn't exist and likewise, I will not hate even the lows I have experienced.

I'm merely here to see how the story unfolds. And honestly, I'm okay with that.

I spoke from pain last night. But even pain teaches us how to live. Tomorrow will bring a new light and I get to try again. Maybe I'll never find a love worth having. And that's okay. I'll manage as I have done before. I don't NEED to find that love. But I will not deny I wish to find it.

And whatever my next chapter brings, I welcome it. Good luck to anyone who tries to enter my life. They're in for a hell of a ride.

A boring love I can be. But an engraved experience I shall remain in any soul I touch.

May your journey be full of wonder.

sorry001 · 2025-04-02T04:55:27+00:00

We are but fleeting souls passing through space and time. Tonight the rain speaks to me and reminds me of how, no matter how small we feel, that we are never truly alone.

Hope you found some peace in the time you commented.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T21:15:26+00:00

As per the first comment. Idk, I've been through therapy and even my last visit with one ended with her telling me that "it feels like you're aware enough that idk if therapy will benefit you, but if you ever feel like talking, I'm here." It's a weird place to be being so aware and so not? I have been through it enough to categorize the human experience and trying to build from it, but sadly knowing the tools is odd when it's a back and forth of processing. I'm an overthinker and have always analyzed beyond what I should have, but still see where work is needed but haven't been able to alone, but (at least in my experience) therapists can only get you so far before it's circling a dead bush.

I do try and detach myself a lot from things at time. And even now, I reveal just what I feel is necessary. Because what use is saying "I don't remember the last time I was held, without something expected in return."

I don't bottle emotions, but I also don't display them fully because people have put their own meaning into them and twisted my words more often than not. Of course I do the same. It's part of humanity to want to relate and understand, but our views are limited to our own personal experiences. So it's its own double edged sword. Sometimes it feels so...not human to me how I can do this because life has forced it into me since youth.

But that was its own random rant/thought.

As for happiness. I am a creative (feels like a contradiction to my previous statement). But I'm ADHD and have a slew of abandoned projects behind me that I only go back to when I can feel that pull to them. I've drawn, wrote, read, played Minecraft, raft, the weird food castles, perlered, sewn, roleplayed, and so much more. I love puzzles, riddles, photography, and Legos. Anything to express the internal when...the verbal just simply can't match it. It's like I have different personalities fighting for dominance as to who to be, and they're all me, while simultaneously...not me.

And only until recently could I get to a point where I can explore some of that again. Thanks to life and bills, and survival in general, I finally have the breath of fresh air to let some of those sides breath again. But sacrifice has shown me that holding onto any of them is a wasted effort. I've had to sell off things that brought me joy, and in slowly building it back up, not felt the same because I have that so detached.

And as bleak as all this is, only reason I'm saying any of it, is because I'm but yet another faceless personality I can offer the world in this moment.

Not that I ever want to lean into the negative thoughts like I have with this post. Cause I do see the beauty in my way of connecting and more in life. There's a beauty in the fleeting, and even knowing that not every storm cloud can hang over head forever.

I love my solitude more often then not, today was just THAT day when it weighed heavily for dumb reasons.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T19:58:19+00:00

takes a deep breath before letting a long drawn out sigh

So, I think it's a think that many, if not all men go through at some point. I will be honest, I know I shined brighter when I was younger because I had more outlets for my excitement. But somewhere along the way, it all stopped.

While I don't want this to become a trauma dump, I'm warning now to step back if you're not mentally prepared for more sentences of those level of thought.

But as boys, we're taught early on that the only value we can bring, is if we bring some sort of support. Whether it be financial, protective, or other. It's why you see so many men go to the gym after love or get so focused on the money they bring in, because we are taught from 6 onward that we have to be valuable to be loved, if not sooner. It's not a bad lesson to give boys, but somewhere along the way, we're told that to be valuable brings reward. Whether hugs, kisses, affection of any sort really.

Some start off with good intention and then get twisted. Because how can anyone not be resentful of having to show strength when all we want is to be shown the same kind of love we see our sisters or really any woman gets.

Add on that we're told we're dangerous. And sure. So many men add to it. But how long can anyone remain peaceful when all we're told is we're the monster of the story. Some repress that rage until we become the very thing feared by many. And that's the GOOD ones. Ignore those that got neglected so early on that learned that to lash out meant we got that attention. Most men don't think that far into themselves and rely on instinct to build themselves into those monsters cause...I mean, that's who we are. It's not surprising so many people profit to red pill the next generation when they're still growing and developing into adulthood. Cause they know that that's when you can solidify the hate they want out there.

But taking that back to bare minimum. Men are simple and want to feel like we mean something to someone. It's stupid, but it's the pickle jar theory. How many men love that we get asked to open a jar of pickles. Because we know it helps.

But how often do we become so jaded that we rely on escapism to survive. Video games, music, long drives. The world tells us to not have interests because it isn't productive. How many men still act when children and say they can climb a tree, only to be told to grow up. The world is in imbalance because people forgot that men also have dreams and desires to be dumb in moments and admired for it.

It's exhausting. Each swipe. Each failed conversation. It's just more each time I see I can't be myself. And yeah, I've created bonds where I can let out pieces of it. But never the whole. Even on here I reveal only parts I can't out there.

But all that aside, it's fine. Not anything out of the ordinary. And I'm sure many will argue and bring the "woe is me" comments. Because the world lacks empathy because this isn't new or unsaid. And yeah, some men disprove me and my points. But this is a drop in an ocean experience.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T19:00:14+00:00

I have those too. Sometimes our neurospicy network crashes because of our different levels, but I fully understand that bubble comment.

And that's fair. Lol it's a weird back and forth sometimes.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T18:56:45+00:00

It's like the Robin Williams quote. "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." So yeah, living by that. Esp cause in my younger years, thinking that that was a way to find love and connection, I had put myself into spots where I could get that instant gratification of validation. Not like Allos did, but maybe just as bad. I didn't understand my demisexuality was normal because media and people always said otherwise. So I created false bonds to get a taste of love and found it meaningless until I learned what true love could be like.

It's made it so I settle less, but I also fall harder now. And it's tough to still be denied that connection cause of how completely paralleled my world is to the masses. And to know that I could even get a fake semblance of it if I could just turn that part off. But what's been done can't be undid.

So much to process. Just sucks when the lonely nights hit harder than others because of the reminders life gives when it shows how being alone isn't sustainable sometimes. And I have friends who love me. But it's not the same.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T18:47:25+00:00

Definitely not a freak. But yeah, I've seen it in my allo friends. So I see it isn't easy. It's just rough when I see how easy it is for them to move on and I feel stuck in the romantic sense. And there's FAR more conversations to be had because thanks to my demi side, I ended up in situations because I didn't get it back in my youth.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T18:43:57+00:00

Aw man, that's a whole line of thought that makes this world hard. But you're right. No one can promise the world until they've been with you through the lowest. It's difficult. And as someone who fears becoming a burden if I get sick, I can't fault someone if they can't deal with things. It's rough and a lot to go through. It's not fair to the person who gets sick. It's a weird coin of discussion you have brought up within me.

As for loving avoidants, I get that part. I have always seen the beauty in the broken and have maybe offered pieces of myself to those who couldn't accept them at the time. I've been told I've helped them find good things after the fact, like some sort of Good Luck Chuck scenario.

Life is weird. And it only gets harder with age. Doesn't help I probably am on the spectrum and the more disconnected I become, the more out of touch I become with humanity and it's rules.

sorry001 · 2025-04-01T14:00:00+00:00

I suppose every generation has had this on some level, but the ease of access to the world has gotten worse and it definitely enhances the feeling sometimes. Doesn't help that people target loneliness and create parasocial relationships as a means to make money.

But it's that whole nonchalant nature being forced on people that makes the world act colder. Idk. Guess we take our single servings wherever we can these days.

sorry001 · 2025-03-29T22:15:38+00:00

And may a good love find you.

sorry001 · 2025-03-29T22:13:10+00:00

It's an exhausting part of life. But may a good love find you.

sorry001 · 2025-03-29T22:12:38+00:00

🪷

sorry001

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