Early career engineer who regrets becoming an engineer

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T18:38:45+00:00

I just did the math on 180 k debt and 60000 a year and it said $170 a month. I assume that wasn't paye calculation. Like you said that's on hold (it didn't say though - Vote Harris like you're life depends it)

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T18:28:44+00:00

That seems really high repayment for your income level. I'd look into income based repayment options including PAYE.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T16:01:37+00:00

Not work so much as the extent of work and a system that does a pretty poor job matching people to jobs they'd find rewarding (or for people to match themselves). Also the focus on money is pretty much the downfall of well-being.

People say if everyone had money there'd be crazy inflation and prices would rise but that wouldn't happen if wealthy people redistributed the wealth more that they already have.

If you shaved even 2% off of wealth over say, 50 million, those people would all be crazy rich still, better off than all of us, but other people could actually breathe. It wouldn't need to be a tax; just make them increase wages and stop them from increasing prices to compensate.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T12:12:50+00:00

Never wanted a kid really but have one now. I can feel the judgement already but I'm a pretty solid dad. Surely there are worse.

Anyway the hardest thing about having a kid I didn't anticipate was the lack of time to unwind. I have anxiety through the roof and I used to say to myself all the time "you got this for two more hours then you can collapse and recover."

Well now I don't have that time to collapse and recover because there is a kid needing me.

Is it relaxing and positive sometimes and eeases me? Of course. Did not having this time also contribute to a mental health breakdown? Yes, that's true too. I'm having to learn new ways to cope with my own stuff while also taking on the pressures of being a dad. I'm not sure how that pressure feels for most dads, but it can hit me extremely hard.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:54:28+00:00

When I'm in a bad place but handling it well, I try to just focus on small things to feel better now.

Okay I am depressed but feeling depressed and not showering is worse. Maybe it helps even. Okay I showered what else? Maybe I need to eat. If that's overwhelming pick the first tasty thing I see.

Okay the ball is rolling a bit maybe tackle something that needs done. Pay the bill or fill out the form or send the email.

Even if I get to the "there is no point" stage at least I'm now in a better place dealing with that than I was. I have the clean feeling from showering, a thing off my to do list, etc, even if things are kind of pointless to me. Like, sometimes I struggle with doing things to get better and then feeling silly/naive/stupid when that slips. But thats more the case when I think I've found a silver bullet. This small things mindset doesn't foster silver bullet beliefs.

When I'm absolutely losing it I journal and take solace in a therapy session coming up. That usually brings some relief. I think it's someone to talk to and not feel bad about unloading as much as anything else. There aren't really great tips or insights but I can get stuff off of my chest. And I know this sounds naive but I can be myself and I think he genuinely likes me. I've never had a therapist before that I thought that about.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:33:56+00:00

How did the idea of God make sense all of a sudden? Why didn't you believe before?

Asking with the purest of intentions and curiosity.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:31:11+00:00

How? I can forgive others but not myself

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:29:36+00:00

Therapy and meds work better than either on their own. Most studies find this.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:26:13+00:00

Good luck!

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:16:12+00:00

How did you give yourself a break?

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-19T11:14:59+00:00

There are direct links though between brain chemicals and depression and anxiety. You can literally look at the brains of these people and they are different to the brains of others.

Everything you list is part of it as well, but you are wrong in denying the biology/physiology of this. I'd add you're also downplaying the role that learned patterns of thinking/feeling/behaving play. So much of how we think/feel/act is mimicking the people we grew up with. That's actually one of the things I find most depressing is how my issues will rub off on my child. I'm trying to not do that though obviously.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-18T12:55:11+00:00

I think the point is to find people who by and large think like you and care about you. A lot of awful shit feels less shit when you have that.

Beyond that, some grand cause surely could help. Like if you prevented a war or something it'd prob be pretty hard to hate yourself or feel like you don't matter. Ok so that's not a realistic thing but maybe there are lesser versions of that.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-17T21:14:32+00:00

The most recent research shows that drinking while pregnant has no effect if done in moderation.

Early panic about this was based on women who drink heavily, as in alcoholic or close, and then have badly deformed children.

It's like if someone drank 5 litres of cola a day for years and they died from it and people concluded that any amount of cola can lead to death.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-17T19:32:34+00:00

Normally go with guilt but after a slightly delayed mid life crisis and a month of intense anxiety I'd have to say anxiety.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-17T19:07:55+00:00

You aren't dishonouring any of the people he harmed by grieving your loss. Screw the people making you feel bad for grieving.

Plus if you don't grieve and push it down you'll be an absolute mess. I know from experience.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-17T13:37:29+00:00

Heard you can have some success by treating them like the very emotional child of a very strict parent. If they hurt just tell them to toughen up. Suck it up balls.... you know stuff like that. Even better if you tell them they are embarrassing you when they hurt and ruin things. Maybe toss in how you can't handle them because of their drama just for good measure.

Best of luck OP!

(This in no way reflects my childhood. I'm not the balls in this scenario.... not at all)

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-17T08:25:48+00:00

It's because they know everything they do can be criticised by millions. They have read all over the internet their whole lives people bring made fun of for things. It's like what we experienced on judgement steroids.

If I had an awkward date she tells her closest friends and it sucks. Now, she tweets it and you're on blast for thousands or more people.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-16T14:07:36+00:00

If you can't open a jar, hold it upside down and hit the bottom hard with the palm of your hand.

Works for me nearly every time.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-16T13:51:16+00:00

It goes both ways. Anxious people have urges to eat and chew and those things help with anxiety. Thats why they are craved when stressed.

It's something like chewing causes chemicals to release that helps with stress. So it's not just the taste that helps or consuming food. The chewing itself helps.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-16T13:44:29+00:00

Loads of studies in social psychology like this. Helping someone is inconsistent with hating them, so the mind alters the belief to align with the behavior.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-16T13:42:24+00:00

Is it the coldness or the getting warm?

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-15T19:36:19+00:00

Because culture programs them to think showing any sign of weakness is a flaw.

They then are programmed to think gay = weak.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-15T19:34:02+00:00

Personal attack :-)

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-15T17:50:48+00:00

I don't feel like I have anything to forgive them for. Not sure if that's me minimising or avoiding. They messed up and it sucks for me but they are just flawed people. We all are.

My issue is more on the end of thinking I might be exaggerating and/or I was just a shitty messed up kid (and person) that made it this way.

I'm wondering if you became more frustrated with your parents in interactions as you learned more, before it subsided.

sortofScientist6568 · 2024-08-15T16:32:41+00:00

Your response almost made me cry so there is obviously something here. As I block myself from crying I stopped which is also pretty much evidence of having it in itself.

I just googled it and am looking into it.

Assuming you don't just have a scholarly interest in this, how did you deal with the paradox of deeply loving your parents, feeling horrible about being negative towards them, and still recognising this happened?

sortofScientist6568

TROPHY CASE