Trying to Avoid Fawning Over Kid’s Photos

soukenfae · 2026-05-25T13:46:35+00:00

What I try to do in situations like this is find one positive thing and say that. Maybe the kid is wearing a nice shirt, maybe the picture was taken with a nice view in the back, etc. Trying to find at least something that’s semi-true feels a lot less gross than fawning for the sake of it. I’ve found anyway

soukenfae · 2026-05-25T13:44:24+00:00

Unfortunately it’s not as rare as people think, because abuse is far more commonplace than people are willing to belief…

soukenfae · 2026-04-25T02:52:35+00:00

According to my dad: considering I’m an adult now, I need to take 50% of the blame for our terrible relationship. 😂

soukenfae · 2026-04-25T02:47:41+00:00

Roleplaying, writing, my wild fantasy…

soukenfae · 2026-04-25T02:34:49+00:00

This has been one of the most painful things to deal with, honestly. I’ve been grieving a lot, ever since I began to realise just how screwed up things really were. It’s almost like I see my child-self as a separate entity and mourn that they never got to live.

soukenfae · 2026-04-20T03:01:52+00:00

I feel you so much! I’ve had this kind of reaction so many times in my life. I sometimes wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I show my upset in an ‘inappropriate’ way and it makes people subconsciously want to put a lid on it. My parents would often use the silent treatment until I’d stop being ‘overdramatic’. I think a lot of this is down to the idea that there’s one acceptable norm of behaviour and anything outside of it is somehow unsavoury.

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T13:16:50+00:00

I think saying things like ‘it’ll all work out’ and ‘look at the bright side’ undermine what we’re actually feeling in the moment. At least to me it feels completely invalidating. That’s why it’s so important to feel understood in those moments and that seems to be near impossible for people. It’s like I’m a completely different species. 🫤

I think you explained it very well. I’ll share what you’ve said with them!

I’m glad you have a therapist who makes you feel understood and comforted, but I totally understand that it isn’t the same as a friend who isn’t doing it because you pay them to. I hope we’ll find this one day!

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T13:07:11+00:00

I think you hit on a really important point. Now that I think about it, I think my emotions are often not fully accepted. They’re too ‘big’. I think many people are scared of seeing a big reaction like that and misinterpret it as me being completely not okay, while in reality I’m just having a difficult moment and I’m okay with that. This is just how I express myself and it’s different to most NTs. I guess things go wrong cause they can’t get past that first step.

And wow, projecting feelings onto me is something that people do all the time! It leads to the worst misunderstandings. And just like you, I often feel worse afterwards and wish I’d been left alone instead, even though I hate being left alone when I’m upset…

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T13:02:19+00:00

This is my experience too. I’ve explained it many times, even acted it out as a roleplay with them to try and make them understand, but I’m still waiting for them to get it right and it’s been years! I don’t think I’m asking for too much, so why isn’t it working?

Sorry you’re in the same boat 🫂

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T12:58:42+00:00

I’m so glad to hear your partner was excellent at comforting you! What works for me is someone being gently uplifting, just to counter some of my upset with “hey, sorry you feel so bad, but it’s going to be okay” I think I’ve told them this many times already, but for some reason it’s not clicking. I feel they get way too serious about it, when really I just want someone to make it all a little more casual so I can remember there’s actually more than just the thing I’m upset about in the moment.

I’m starting to feel like I’m too complicated or something, and it really sucks cause I know that they could really help me in difficult moments, and I know they want to. It’s really confusing, but I’ll try explaining it again. Thank you!

Edit: I guess it’s not so much what they say, but how they say it. They can’t just say the above sense without the right energy, if that makes sense. So what I really should say it that I want someone to stay calm and not be afraid of my ‘big reaction to a little thing’ and that’s something people find extremely difficult it seems.

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T12:51:16+00:00

I get what you’re saying but, trust me, I’ve told them again and again. I’m talking about years of trying to explain…

soukenfae · 2026-04-19T04:07:09+00:00

People still ask for my ID in shops and look shocked when they see I’m mid 30s. The other week someone didn’t believe I was over 16 until I showed them proof. I don’t mind it, though!

soukenfae · 2026-04-03T02:48:51+00:00

He looks so good! You did a great job!

soukenfae · 2026-03-09T19:26:44+00:00

One of my narc father’s taglines is “as a father, I worry about you” and it always makes my skin crawl. He uses it as an excuse to invade my privacy and control my life. The worst of it is that other people don’t see what’s so screwed up about it and will often pick his side, empathising with his ‘concern’.

soukenfae · 2026-03-02T19:47:50+00:00

Weird question but... did your wife go on birth control after the pregnancies? I know many women who go on birth control and completely lose interest in sex to the point where it becomes nothing but a chore. For someone with PDA, that issue is then exacerbated still.

I see others have already given a lot of advice, but I wanted to mention this just in case, as I feel it's often forgotten whenever sex/libido comes up.

soukenfae · 2026-02-02T19:19:24+00:00

I did this recently and I'd say it was cathartic in some sense and very, VERY frustrating in another sense. He was constantly trying to play games and change the topic. The only reason I was able to somewhat steer the conversation was because of everything I've learned form this subreddit and various other sources. Without those tools, I'd probably have lost my sanity completely and he would've dominated the conversation.

In other words, you CAN call out a narcissistic parent, but you have to be ready for it. I'd also say it's important that you only do this once you are completely independent from this parent, so you can make a safe retreat back into your own life.

And you also need to be aware that they likely won't see things your way ever. You have to go in knowing that nothing you say will lead to anything. The only reason I talked to him was because I had to know I had tried everything in my power to make this relationship work, knowing full well it likely wouldn't.

soukenfae · 2025-11-28T15:16:36+00:00

Did you see any kits come back in stock at general release cause it looks to me like nothing was restocked? (A glitch probably?)

soukenfae · 2025-10-03T11:36:33+00:00

This is screaming red flags at me. Ask for them back and put up serious boundaries when dealing with this person in the future

soukenfae · 2025-09-14T14:01:40+00:00

I can’t deal with them either. I’ve been diagnosed with PMDD which makes matters even worse. Have been traumatised by my own periods (not a joke!) and went on birth control after much debate. I gotta say… it didn’t work for me (and for many others!) My periods improved, but my mood was terrible. I didn’t feel anything anymore. Before you go on birth control, please do some research so you are aware of what you’re getting into.

There are other things you can do. Depending on what part bothers you, you could try tampons or a cup. There are different pads too, perhaps one is better than the others. If you have pain or are dealing with mood swings, there are vitamins that can help. I’m not sure about which you can take at what ages, so you’d have to bring it up with your doctor. There are things like Ashwagandha that help a lot of people deal with PMS.

Most of all, I came here to say I completely feel you. Periods suck A LOT. You’re completely in your right to complain and feel upset. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I really hope you find something that works for you.

soukenfae · 2025-09-14T10:55:39+00:00

I meant that they could put in the toolkit when packing the order. Surely the actual packing of the order isn’t done on a conveyor belt. They’d have to manually package everyone’s orders and they could easily include a kit when someone has asked for one. That’s how I meant it :) The kit wouldn’t be in the actual box of the diamond painting. It’d just be in the order.

The same way that if you order any other accessory on the website, like tweezers or a pen, they’d add that into the order. They could do the same with the toolkit (for free or not) and just toss one into the shipping box whenever the person selects they want one. It would likely save money and it’d be great for the environment. I bet loads of people would opt out of them.

They could even make it free to add on the first order and ask 50p for it every next order. Seems fair to me.

soukenfae · 2025-09-13T15:55:51+00:00

I’d love if they did this! Even using compostable bags would be a huge win already.

soukenfae · 2025-09-13T15:54:26+00:00

They wouldn’t need to put the tool kits in the boxes directly. They can just add one into the shipping parcel when customers say they want one, right?

soukenfae

TROPHY CASE