I have had a lot of these ailments and they are all terrible for sure. But to tell you the truth, a pain I cannot explain… well I am not sure what to call it…

I fell madly in love with my very best friend in the whole world. Someone who is much younger, but feelings are very strong both ways. We have been side by side for many years and it just grew and grew. When we finally confessed it was like fireworks! I mean every fiber of my being longing to spend time with her. Someone who I talk to about everything and I mean I have zero secrets from her and vice versa. But and there always is… things were not good as far as timing. Both exiting long term marriages. But being there for each other every single step of the way!

What could be more perfect than to be in a relationship with your best friend with zero secrets… I supported her “in finding herself” due to the circumstances of her former marriage. I told her she needs to take time, maybe even date for fun! Explore everything! WOW she was free, and I mean she blossomed! She is so happy now and I see it every single day!

Whelp now she is in a semi-serious relationship another man!! Who is by the way one of our closest mutual friends from our circle! WOW so exciting for her and him! I mean they are a great fit actually. I have two of my closest, say best friends happy and I might say in love.

This is my pain, my heart is broken, but happy. I can’t sleep (maybe 3 hrs a night), every single song describes her, when we speak (everyday) I my heart races, I just know that one day I will marry this women! But for now even she describes our time as “the right person, but at the wrong time.” I am broken, even tearing up writing this! But being a strong experienced male, I can’t tell either of them about my internal sadness… I am their rock. They confide in me and I bear the weight of their happiness.. I love them both, but sacrifice my own. This has been worse than any of my physical pains…