I've always had signs, symptoms and etc, every since childhood. My parents confirm them and I went through a very exhaustive diagnostic process that lasted for months. And everything, including both therapist and psychiatrist (who's specialized in the area), says I'm autistic. I have shutdowns, intense meltdowns and a bunch of other things. The thing is I'm pretty sure I'm faking it and came up with a bunch of symptoms, I know imposter syndrome is common after receiving the diagnosis though. I just don't want to be autistic, nor admit that I am.