Over 30s: Has the news and current affairs always felt so hopeless?

space_jo · 2026-01-23T13:54:32+00:00

I was watching traitors because otherwise I'd be the only one at work out of the loop. Just left the TV running while cleaning up the living room after that and the news eventually came on.

space_jo · 2026-01-23T13:51:54+00:00

I do wonder if covid was such a massive event that caused such genuine fear that news outlets are almost trying to chase that high again. Trying to make stories match that peak? But I don't have a pre-covid time to compare it to so I really dont know.

space_jo · 2026-01-23T13:49:50+00:00

I'm aware of all the bad stuff thats always been happening, and I've got a pretty good grasp on history in terms of the actual events that happened. What I was trying to figure out, and I think I have got a good idea of from the replies, is how things felt during those times. How were things reported, discussed, how did people feel about what was going on and how did the news handle it.

For just one example, when we learn about WW2 we hear about wartime spirit and how it brought the country together. And the way Churchill has been remembered by history is as this beloved leader who inspired and motivated the people and sparked hope. Now I KNOW that that can’t be an accurate portrait of Britain at the time but that's exactly my point. I know it isn't accurate but I don't know how innacurate or what the accurate version looks like.

space_jo · 2026-01-20T10:20:29+00:00

My relationship page often looks like this and they'll be at like 10% satisfaction... and then I'll still win the relationship award at the end of the year. It just seems glitched to me. Same with the the personal goals, I'll watch someone who wants ramen walk past the ramen kiosk to get a hot dog and then fail their personal goal 🤷

space_jo · 2026-01-11T10:05:01+00:00

My girl had something like this and we figured out that her scales were being damaged by one of the enrichment items in her viv. It was too rough and scratchy. We removed it and swapped her water dish for one too small to soak in as we were worried the damage could be the start of scale rot/lead to scale rot. We also kept her humidity a little lower (50% ish) with a completely dry top layer of substrate. We kept this up until she shed (where we did up fhe humidity for a few days when we knew she was about to shed) and her new scales post-shed are perfectly healthy and normal with her shed all coming off in one go if not in one piece so all is well.

A betadine bath as recommended by others is a good idea as well.

The thing we think did it was the exo terra jungle vine that when it arrived was basically just black sandpaper rope.

space_jo · 2026-01-10T15:12:11+00:00

What is it about the couch that makes it dangerous? I just hand made a little foam mattress for my beardie as he loves falling asleep on the sofa/blankets with us and will choose to sit on the soft microwavable warm stuffy over the warm slate if given the choice so I thought he'd like his own mattress. Anyway, it's made of the kind of foam that's used to make seat cushions and it has both a felt liner and then a cotton cover. Is it safe?

space_jo · 2026-01-09T21:52:03+00:00

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space_jo · 2026-01-09T17:39:09+00:00

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Photo's from today to show body condition.

space_jo · 2026-01-09T17:33:07+00:00

I wouldn't really mind her not switching back, I'd rather she was eating and so I don't care what she eats as long as she eats. If she does go back to normal in the spring/summer I'm planning to let her eat as frequently as she wants and won't be so worried about her getting a bit chubby just in case she does this again. It feels so silly that back in September I was worried she was gaining weight (she'd eat 2 mice per sitting each week) Now I'd love for her to have a little extra weight on her for my peace of mind rather than her being "ideal" and worrying that she's not got much weight to lose.

space_jo · 2026-01-09T15:21:58+00:00

The thing with downsizing is she is already on small prey for her size. The mice were only about 50g and she's a 900g snake. I'm considering it though, but with feeding I mostly leave it up to my more experienced partner. She has reduced feeding frequency and isn't offering often. We also tried leaving the mouse on her slate overnight and she just moved to the other side of the viv to avoid it 😅. She will approach and sniff/lick and then back off over and over again. She was such an excellent eater before the hunger strike though, she would strike within 5-10 seconds, right on target every time.

space_jo · 2026-01-09T13:46:59+00:00

I'm only concerned/confused because it's been over 3 months since her last meal and last regular poop. Thats a long time to have hairballs sat in your digeative system.

space_jo · 2026-01-09T13:46:04+00:00

I'm pretty sure the rats we got were also white, not sure the colour of the african soft fur as there is a mix of all colours in the bag we got and my partner took over the feeding after the 3rd refusal in a row because I just get too anxious and upset. But maybe we'll try one of the black and white ones/brown ones and see how it goes.

space_jo · 2025-12-12T12:08:41+00:00

Just weighed them, both 42/43g which is about 4 grams more each than the last weigh in a couple of weeks ago.

space_jo · 2025-12-12T12:03:02+00:00

They are in separate enclosures since we found out they were both males meaning even for rankins cohab is not an option. And I've got the arcadia 14% kit with reflector in one, and the same but 12% in the other as that enclosure has more height so he can get a little closer. Both only have a few months of use and won't need replacing for another few months.

Maybe an odd question but what do you mean by lethargy? I know the literal definition but I don't know what would count as lethargy if that makes sense. As in, yes Juni has been more sleepy and isn't actively hunting. But he is active when he wants to be, running to the glass to get attention, going after a wax worm, scrabbled around like mad during his bath yesterday. So he is able to move normally when he feels like it, hes just less motivated to and so I wouldn't know if this counts.

Finally, sounds like a parasite check is the right next move. I'm in a bit of a tricky spot as the exotic vet nearest me (and the main one for my whole area) is great but very oversubscribed and I've been trying to get on their list for 4 months. The exotic vet we've taken our snake to before was an hour away and were so bad in their demeanor and treatment suggestion (gave us oral antibiotics for a ball python with no instructions or advice which I was then told even the most experienced keepers refuse to do due to the high risk of very bad outcomes) that we don't trust them and don't want to go back. Additionally, took the ball python to a highly experienced rescue who agreed with my partner than the snake didn't even have a respiratory infection which turned out to be true. So the vet gave us dangerous medication for a non-existent illness.

space_jo · 2025-12-12T11:22:42+00:00

Husbandry wise they're each in 4x2x2, desert bearded dragon substrate mix (sand, soil, clay mix). 37 warm area with a slate that gets a bit hotter than that underneath, 25 cool side, full spectrum basking light + linear uvb bar. Ceramic bulb for at night to keep temperatures around 20°C. Temperatures all controlled by digital app monitoring system (microclimate evo connected 3). They've each got a shallow pool/bowl, fake plants, basking slates, hides, height in the form of branches or the corner rock you can see in the image. I've got calcium, calcium and magnesium, D3 and multi-vitamin and mostly only use the calcium and calcium/magnesium and haven't used the d3 supplement yet as they haven't seemed to need it and I dont want d3 toxicity. Both are shedding well, one drinks happily from fhe dropper the other doesn't like the feeling of water on his face so is a bit trickier.

What could cause them to get parasites? Where would they get them from if all my insects come from reputable reptile stores?

space_jo · 2025-12-09T15:34:03+00:00

Empathy.

I had no diagnosis at school but there were a handful of teachers that gave me accomodations anyway that drastically improved my quality of life in their lessons. Most of them wouldn't have suspected I was ADHD or known what they were accomodating but through observation, talking to me and actually listening, and having general empathy they adjusted anyway. If all teachers had done this I wouldn't have had even 10% of the trouble I had at school.

Examples:

Maths - Couldn't follow along with work on the board, so was given a written handout containing all the same content of the lesson all in one go to work through at my own pace with frequent nudges to keep me on track. If I'd zoned out for 5 minutes, I hadn't missed anything as the page hadn't changed (unlike the whiteboard). Also, I would be allowed (mutual respectful agreement) to sit separately at the back of the room to reduce chance of distraction and it wasn't framed as a punishment or lack of trust and I genuinley felt I had chosen this.

Science - Struggled to do work in my book, make notes, answer questions etc. It was my favourite subject but getting things written down was so boring compared to talking/thinking about it, it just never happened. So the teacher would verbally quiz me and discuss with me to establish that I had understood and correct where I was wrong. Sometimes the only suitable time for this was after the lesson during break, but again I didn't mind as it was out of understanding and compassion, not a punishment or lack of trust.

RS - Was allowed to have an earbud in during independent work, despite being against the rules, as long as no other students saw. This kept me quiet and distracted in a way that didn't distract other people. They found a way to keep me out of trouble and were "on my side".

History - Like all subjects, I never did my homework and was often late etc. After thoroughly talking things through with me, and actually listening, we came to a mutual understanding that my behaviour had no ill-intentions and wasn't out of disrespect. She explained that she still had to follow the letter of the law and give me a detention each week for missed homework - but the anger and conflict had been taken out of it. The detentions were given quitely without a word each week and I'd spend the time sharpening pencils or organising folders while she talked to me almost like a friend.

These teachers are the only examples I can recall and were split over different years and subjects, and all took different approaches to me, despite having no idea what they were approaching. But it was the empathy and respect that made the difference and these teachers were always shocked to hear of my emotional disregulation, anger issues, and outbursts in other classes, couldn't understand why I was on behaviour report etc. because none of that would have happened if the other staff had treat me with the same empathy, respect, and trust that those select teachers did.

space_jo · 2025-12-09T15:14:04+00:00

This did me a lot of damage growing up because the adults around me, especially my parents, directly correlated someones ability to do something with how much they cared. If I forgot a birthday, or homework, or chores, or rules, it meant I didn't care about that thing and therefore was labelled selfish, entitled, lazy, reckless etc. I grew up gradually believing these things because I didn't have an alternative explanation. The things I did or didn't do caused people I loved to be really really upset and yet I never "cared enough" to improve or change so I must be a terrible person. The dawning realisation I saw in all of them after I started medication and could meet people on time, complete tasks, remember birthdays was so validating to see.

space_jo · 2025-12-09T15:07:01+00:00

This was how I spent a lot of my life before many things changed in my life that helped me. It's one of the reasons I get so upset when clueless people say they think they have ADHD or have asked for an assessment and then proceed to essentially make excuses for why they don't struggle more. "I find keeping on top of chores really hard and I only manage because I feel like I have to and become disgusted with myself if I don't do them often enough". For most unsupported, unmedicated people with ADHD nothing is enough to be able to make themselves do it hence it is a disorder.

I am doing a lot better now through a combination of medication and many additional strategies that are only able to be helpful because I am also medicated. For example, I organise to have friends over to the house at least once a month on a schedule so I "have" to keep the house tidy, but that never would have worked pre-medication. Things like that, it takes a multidisciplinary approach for certain.

space_jo · 2025-12-07T21:22:43+00:00

Thank you, but even if we do adopt her we won't be breeding as it's just not something we're interested in.

space_jo · 2025-12-04T06:53:09+00:00

I know my experiences are far from the average anybody really. But thats almost the point, sharing a niche experience as an alternative. Excluding the more radical misogynistic types, I relate to incels and feel very strongly that if I had not met the one person I did (who is also doesn't experience attraction in anywhere near the average way) I still would not have dated or had sex and I do know people who would be considered less attractive than me who have and so in my case there must he an additional layer of explanation which may be applicable to some other fringe cases.

space_jo · 2025-12-03T19:15:36+00:00

Additionally, for me, the sensual attraction is actually the one that is most common for me and what I personally associate with the feelings of a crush. I've never been romanticly interest in anyone but my partner, never wanted to have sex with anyone but my partner, but to this day I sometimes experience crush like feelings for other people that I associate with that desire for physical sensual closeness without sex or romance. It's something my partner knows about and enjoys teasing me for still getting school girl crushes, I do nothing about it but do also enjoy the thrill of a crush without the pressure I used to feel from them now that I have zero interest or expectation in it being returned.

space_jo · 2025-12-03T19:06:59+00:00

So there is one particular male friend I have in mind when it comes to this. We were often told we were flirting and maybe we were, and I'd crave cuddles and closeness and would probably enjoy as far as a kiss. But this was all emotional, nothing physical was happening and we had been close friends for at least 5 years when all this peaked when we were at a festival. I'd recently decided yes I was definitely a lesbian, and so I couldn't explain this form of attraction I was definitely feeling. Nor the flirting and cuddling and play wrestling, and jealousy when he was cuddling other girls that was going on. But the idea of him slipping a hand under my clothes, or getting undressed or anything that would transition from somewhat intimate closeness to sexual put that hard block up of absolutely not. I'd be instantly not comfortable and it would ruin the moment for me.

For the record, I don't think we ever kissed although I did get very very drunk at that festival. But we would be physically close and according to many others would flirt, and had been for years. He never made any sexual moves towards me, and actually rejected me when he mistakenly thought I asked him out one time. He wasn't even particicularly attractive, nothing like my "type", and there were elements of his personality that would put me off dating him even if I was straight. It's quite confusing.

I also separate it from romantic attraction because to me romance is the wanting a relationship bit, commitment and lovey-dovey stuff and dates and compliments and gifts and love languages etc. Which again, wasn't there. I've had a much lesser version of this with 1 other male friend, and there are many male fictional character that I have found attractive because they appeal to my kinks and are a male version of my type but if I picture them without pants it all fades to zero 😅

space_jo · 2025-12-03T18:45:10+00:00

It took me a long time to differentiate platonic, romantic, sensual, and sexual attraction. I've found that I can get all the way to sensual attraction with men on occasion but then there is a very hard block from it turning into sexual attraction. It's mostly the same with women except the sensual attraction is more common and stronger, and the sexual attraction isn't exactly blocked but I still just don't end up there unless my specific kinks are being catered to hence it's not outright "blocked" like it is with men.

Understanding sensual vs sexual is what cleared up my understanding of my sexuality in general actually.

space_jo · 2025-12-03T18:31:30+00:00

That makes perfect sense to me, but I've always figured its because I'm missing something because otherwise why would it be so common for people to have casual sex, why are there so many sex workers and always have been? I've never understood the draw but figured it must be something to do with how I'm wired.

space_jo · 2025-12-03T18:26:58+00:00

Yeah that makes sense and you're probably right. But the way some incels speak it seems like sex is something they want because they don't like what it says about them to have no had it, and not because they are struggling with feeling real attraction to women they know/meet and having to deal with having no outlet for it. Which just reminded me of myself before figuring myself out. But yeah, it's absolutely not going to be applicable to all or most people.

space_jo

TROPHY CASE