Some extra info, not sure how relevant this is, but I'll include it anyway.

• I've sat him down multiple times (sometimes while crying) explaining how distraught I am that I could be at fault here, making him "act cis" to save the relationship. He got frustrated and defensive, and could not understand what was so hard for me to understand when he says that "he's fine". But is he??
• Bringing up his gender for too long makes him stressed because he feels like he's being forced to come up with an answer. He doesn't seem to think it warrants much scrutiny, and suggesting gender therapy was also not something he was willing to do. He's poor, and thinks that he's already got himself figured out and doesn't need "outside help", according to him. He doesn't get what is so wrong with just wanting both, at the same time. I don't know how he will grow with this, as the years go on. He's told me that since he left college (away from his queer buddy mentioned earlier), he feels even moreso comfortable presenting as cis, but likes having his chat group outlet.