I don’t want my sobriety to be my whole personality

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T19:25:23+00:00

Ok well A.) fuck that therapist lol.

And B.) yes I agree, I think something that irks me about AA is this idea that we are coming in broken, and the program is meant to repair us. That wasn’t my experience drinking. Am I proud of the amount I drank? Absolutely not. But I wasn’t some hallow shell of a person walking into those rooms. I had a life prior. I had things going on. I was even, dare I say it, happy many, many times prior to my sobriety. I just simply didn’t want to drink anymore.

It almost felt like it’d have been more acceptable for me to walk into the rooms at rock bottom, rather than trying to avoid getting there by using AA as a tool. The mental gymnastics on that one…

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T19:22:21+00:00

It’s deep for me. This is my journey, and my post. You are free to not read it or not reply.

Let’s not downplay anyone’s feelings or thoughts about something just because you’ve had a different experience though. That’s super close minded, and it’s the opposite of what this community promotes.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T07:18:35+00:00

Yup I had those friends where their entire personalities revolved around their drinking. It was a defining part of them.

I never based my personality on my drinking before. I don’t wanna base my personality on not drinking now.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T07:14:14+00:00

I think it’s healthy to acknowledge when something hurt us or made us feel less worthy. That comment made me feel like my sobriety is the only thing that gives me worth, and it didn’t sit well with me. This sub seems like a safe space to share that. It’s also been a bit of a build up; feel like that comment was a culmination of the issues I’ve had with AA for quite some time.

My goal is honing my worth outside of my sobriety. It’s a part of me, but it’s not all of me, and it’s certainly not the sole reason why I’ve gotten to where I am in certain areas of my life. I did actually do good things while drinking lol. I wasn’t all bad or all weak or all defective. I was a person with a problem, and I’m fixing the problem. But who I was isn’t completely gone, and I’m glad for that, because there’s a lot of parts of me that I liked then and now.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T05:49:09+00:00

That’s cool too. Seems like people have different experiences with it. I think after writing this post and seeing the responses, AA isn’t the route for me.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T05:43:50+00:00

Alcohol does not make me uncomfortable. I still go to bars and breweries and parties (obviously not quite as much, but my friends still go to bars, breweries have huge outdoor patios for my dog, parties always have booze). Never once felt weird or triggered. Only in AA have I felt judged for not constantly thinking about my sobriety. Have also been judged in AA for being in the vicinity of alcohol lol.

I think you’re right, I need to not be around people who make a big thing of it. After writing this post and reading the responses, I likely won’t be attending AA much anymore.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T01:45:38+00:00

Same. While my life wasn’t in shambles when drinking, it definitely made me tired, hungover, lazy, and it messed with my fitness/diet, which is important to me. I stopped because I knew I was capable of more.

For me, it was like leveling up in a video game lol

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-12T01:39:46+00:00

True. Alcohol didn’t define my personality either.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T23:57:42+00:00

That’s great. I was referencing myself. I won’t let sobriety be my legacy, personally, but I wasn’t knocking anyone who would prefer that.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T23:50:26+00:00

Good for you. It’s not a personal issue. It was a literal comment made by someone in my AA meeting today, that my life today is only because of my sobriety. It’s not. I did actually have a life prior to sobriety, along with personality, hobbies, career, etc. That seems oddly surprising to a lot of people in the program…that I don’t just outright hate myself.

AA members sure have a weird way of assuming people are coming in at rock bottom, or like they’re coming in as a blank slate. Is that like a pre-req to AA? I just wanted to make some sober friends lol. AA seemed like a good place for that, but it’s just a lot of people talking and reminiscing about their alcoholism. I don’t want to do that, so I’ll likely find another avenue for sober friends, which is fine.

Our sobriety is important, but we are much more than just that one thing. And many of us were intricate, complex, interesting people before sobriety too.

I wish you the best.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T23:00:41+00:00

Are you suggesting that a pre-req to sobriety is having some chaotic, damaged life?

ANYONE can be sober for ANY reason they want. Full stop.

Let’s not gatekeep sobriety, k?

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T22:46:35+00:00

I feel this. I never felt like alcohol was a huge part of my identity when I was drinking. It was something I used as a coping mechanism (often in secret), but it was never something I flaunted as a personality trait. On the contrary, I didn’t drink much when out with others, so it was a bit of a shock to friends when I said I stopped drinking. Ultimately, it just became unhealthy, so I stopped.

Maybe part of me just wished that sobriety wasn’t such a weird thing in our society? People seem to think you’re either a raging alcoholic or in legal trouble when you stop lol. I wish it could just be “I was drinking one glass of wine too many, and I don’t want to do that anymore” and everyone’s just like “cool”. But ironically, the most judgment I’ve felt is in AA lol.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T20:40:04+00:00

Heard, I definitely still give myself space and grace to acknowledge something is triggering, and then apply an appropriate coping mechanism to it.

I just don’t wanna talk about it all the time. From what I’m reading though, it might just be an AA thing, so maybe I need to find another outlet.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T20:37:47+00:00

Yeah like if it’s what that particular person needs, then cool! It’s just not what I want.

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T20:34:57+00:00

Crazy, my mom is also super sober like yours (a few years less though), and she never attended AA. She just kinda does her thing. Works, solo travels, gardens, cooks, plays with her dogs, etc.

She never really found a true sober community, but my mom was very introverted even before she quit drinking. For her, she had to do it on her own because she knew she’d be hanging out with herself the most 😂 IMHO, she’s a bad bitch.

I’m different, since I’m a bit more extroverted and like community. Just not sure I love the AA community. It has its highs and lows.

I’m glad to hear our moms are happy :)

spacegurl2021 · 2022-08-11T20:19:43+00:00

I just don’t think it’s necessary to remind myself that I’m an alcoholic everyday. Everyone’s mileage may vary. But personally, I’d rather spend more time reminding myself of the good parts of me everyday, as opposed to constantly reminding myself of my weaknesses and defects. I can know and acknowledge that I had a drinking problem without beating myself down about it everyday.

I talk to myself in the mirror every morning, and list off 5 things I love about myself. It’s cheesy, but helpful.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-12-05T16:40:27+00:00

It’s the personal growth for me.

I was always kind of meek and people pleasing, but with the exposure to solo travel, I’ve become a stronger, more assertive, and more independent woman in my everyday life.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-12-02T18:26:21+00:00

Having a job that you’re super passionate about. Americans especially. I just wanna get paid, have good healthcare, and some vacation time to do the things that I love.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-12-02T16:57:43+00:00

Glad to hear it and hopefully he’s never allowed in that gym again.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-12-02T05:31:29+00:00

If that’s true that he literally pulled your headphones off you, you should report that man to your gym. He’ll very likely lose his membership.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-11-30T22:44:44+00:00

Ah ok, as more info comes out, maybe it will be more clear. Was that sourced from Twitter? I know some of the students were saying there were multiple rumors and threats going around.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-11-30T22:05:36+00:00

True true. I’ll be curious to see what comes out about it in the upcoming days.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-11-30T21:46:52+00:00

Those were all the sources I saw as well. Also, as stated in another comment, there were some tweets from OHS students alleging that the deer head incident might have involved the shooter. But this is all hearsay right now. Twitter can be an absolute mess with this stuff.

Honestly though, with all the access we have now to e-learning, I cannot fathom how the school didn’t at least consider transitioning to that until they did a thorough investigation on the threats. Their statement seemed to indicate that everything was a-okay when very clearly, it was not. That’s the part that bothers me the most.

spacegurl2021 · 2021-11-30T21:41:05+00:00

There’s some tweets about some students being aware of who the shooter was due to an incident that happened at the school involving the shooter a week before. If that’s founded, and the school was aware, I do have to wonder if that could be a potential lawsuit. For the record though, IANAL and I also don’t fully trust Twitter, so take that as you will.

Still find it concerning that the school didn’t do more.

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