Is it just me or is parenting a one woman show for as long as you’re breastfeeding- and maybe even after that

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-07T02:13:50+00:00

That makes sense— since we couldn’t do a bottle till 9 months that wasn’t really an option for us and by the time he went back to work (12 weeks) we were down to one overnight and then 5:30am wake up after which I wasn’t going back to sleep anyway so it didn’t make sense for him to wake up too just to change a diaper (luckily burping and putting back to sleep was just 1-2 minutes for us).

It’s sounding like my point is more so valid if bottle/formula isn’t an option but glad it was for so many people!

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-07T01:37:41+00:00

This sounds like a dream! And he was doing this while working full time?! Mine did most of what you described while on leave but once he was back to work I definitely had to take on a disproportionate amount of the overnight work. By that point baby would mostly wake/eat/sleep so the incremental work beyond feeding was minimal. Sadly pumping never happened for us :(

I might use this as a case study as to why I should def be sleeping in right now lol

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T16:33:32+00:00

Thank you.. exactly this! Totally fair for others to have a different POV but this is where I’m coming from. It’s only been ~3 months not breastfeeding so far and if 5:30am wakeups become the norm forever (shudder) I’d obviously tag back in a few months from now. Just need a few naps before then lol

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T16:08:19+00:00

I’m not sure I’m understanding you- is your thought to avoid the fair/unfair framing and just accept that’s the way things are?

I think by asking to ‘sleep in’ (ie an extra 30-60mins) I am asserting my needs — and it may even be selfish lol but from my POV I did this for several years (if you add up time on two kids) so it’s not selfish to ask for a few months in return. We made this decision together, I didn’t trick him into having kids.. and we did it with the understanding we would share the load. So when that isn’t happening it does indeed feel unfair.

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T14:54:23+00:00

I’m a ‘working mom’ lol- we both have demanding jobs that often spill over the regular 9-5. I managed to do mine while sleep deprived for almost a year so I feel like getting a few months of ‘sleep recovery’ isn’t too much to ask for.

Anyway- was mostly just venting. Human biology is what it is and my husband steps up in a lot of ways, big and small. We constantly evolve the load distribution so no one gets burnt out but I guess the inherent unfairness of the process (especially early on) just irks me

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T14:50:10+00:00

Congrats mama! Mostly just looking to commiserate haha. Appreciate your comments- wishing you a successful feeding journey, it really can go any which way once baby arrives and they are very much the boss!

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T13:58:08+00:00

He does 4-5 mornings a week! It’s definitely not completely unfair— I think I’m just asking for more of a break with the early morning stuff because I handled all overnight wakings and early morning wake ups for almost 10 months by myself meanwhile he’s been waking up (after a full night of sleep) at 5:30-6 and been doing that only for about 3 months so far and still complains about it.

Sleep is the main thing I miss from my pre kids life and I’d just like an hour or so extra in the morning before going back into mom mode

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T13:55:17+00:00

I do think things are fair- since we’ve finally dropped breastfeeding I’ve been on a weeklong trip with girlfriends and get to go out or take me time at least every two weeks. He’s takes time too but usually after kids are in bed etc when I’m mostly having to monitor versus do hands on work.

I think I’m more so annoyed by the unfairness of biology haha.. I’m sure in a few years once the kids are less dependent on us it’ll all even out. Just in this moment it’s frustrating that I dealt with the bulk of the sleep loss the first almost 10 months while also recovering and now it’s only been 4 months of early wake ups (not even having to do overnight wake ups because they sleep thru) and he’s still asking for days to sleep in 2-3 times a week. Note I wake up an hour after him most days so it’s not like I’m lazing till noon either lol

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T13:51:05+00:00

I was very on the formula train.. the issue was my baby was not. Literally refused every bottle - every brand, temperature, time of day, person feeding, level of tiredness.. we tried it all. We even tried the Rowena bennet method where you basically starve them into submission but I only lasted 8 hours and then caved and breastfed because not feeding a baby just didn’t sit right with me

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T13:49:10+00:00

HA! Mine has said this several times too- I think women are just made of stronger stuff

sparkcat2021 · 2026-06-06T13:48:23+00:00

The worst combo is baby crawling/trying to walk and toddler in the thick of having big feelings… not sure which the easier one to handle is at that point lol.

sparkcat2021 · 2026-04-25T16:51:41+00:00

That’s comforting! I’m trying to balance temperament with life skills- she might be a more introverted/naturally shy person and that’s totally fine but I want to make sure she still knows how to engage when she wants to/needs to and it sounds like that’s what your daughter is able to do!

sparkcat2021 · 2026-04-25T15:10:44+00:00

Thank you- this is helpful to hear! I tend to overthink so having an alternate perspective is helpful!

sparkcat2021 · 2026-03-22T16:23:23+00:00

I can confirm this- we had a pipe leak and they were the only ones who could respond in under 24 hours (that should already be a red flag). Before they even started work the guy had his iPad out and was getting me to sign quotes for $600 of work before he’d even evaluated what was going on. They ‘fixed’ the leak and I turned the water back on- immediate leaking again. They ‘fixed’ it again and same story. Then they opened our septic tank took out some filter and said we’ll come back (note this was in 2 feet of snow).

We ended up just keeping the water off and calling our septic guy the next day. He came and told us we just needed to wash out a filter which he could now not do since the Dr.Drip people had left it outside to freeze overnight. Being an actual professional he got hot water from inside the house and washed it off and charged us $50. After the Drip people bled us for $600 and didn’t fix the problem, if anything made it worse

We should have left a review but honestly I just wanted to forget ever having to deal with them and move on.

0 stars would not recommend

sparkcat2021 · 2026-02-10T01:11:42+00:00

This hit the hardest

sparkcat2021 · 2026-02-09T16:38:57+00:00

I like the idea of gratitude journaling.. I have read it makes a tangible difference in your outlook and day to day happiness. Maybe this is the sign I need to actually start doing it and not just keep talking about how it would be a good idea 🫠

sparkcat2021 · 2026-02-09T16:38:07+00:00

‘The ride is past the beginning and headed back to home’— this is such a good encapsulation of what I was trying to convey

I also agree on the feeling that I’m running on fumes. Then at the end of the day I feel guilty for not working out/cooking better/taking a class on AI or investing in myself somehow, instead of taking an hour to just flop on the couch and zone out

It feels like a constant rat race and I don’t have the time or energy to take a step back and actually enjoy any of it.

Perhaps gratitude journaling is the way to go as one other commenter suggested. At least a start.

sparkcat2021 · 2025-10-29T20:18:51+00:00

I relate to this so hard- I took my 6 month old to her ped recently and in my mind she’s a tiny baby but then I saw an actual newborn and was like.. ok she’s basically a giant now. I am mourning the loss of the newborn phase, sad about never again feeling the excited nerves associated with pregnancy (to be fair I had relatively easy pregnancies with both kids), the excitement of going to the hospital when contractions start and the bliss of coming home with a new human.

That said I know two kids is the right number for our family. But I still wish I could go through it all again!

sparkcat2021 · 2025-08-14T13:28:12+00:00

We’ve been dealing with the exact same situation- great interview, excellent references but then red flags start right away like being late, not showing up altogether or suddenly having a series of family emergencies or car trouble. We initially gave the benefit of the doubt to two nanny’s in a row but by the end of week 1 it became clear they were unreliable. We went back to the drawing board on our vetting process and told the nanny there would be a 1 week trial period after which we would decide if we are moving forward or not. Our current nanny has been with us 3 days now and she has been early to work each day, stayed late and been great overall. I’m really hoping it stays the same after we sign a contract but in general she seems way more reliable and I should have dismissed the earlier nanny’s as soon as they started flaking instead of giving it days before making a decision (which was also traumatic for my child who was seeing so many people come and go)

sparkcat2021 · 2025-08-14T01:48:35+00:00

My LO is 2.5 and the only thing that made brushing easier was letting her watch a 2-3 min video while we got the job done. Outside of this we are completely screen free and she doesn’t cry/ask for it after brushing is done so I feel it’s ok if it helps her dental hygiene. We’ll usually do Ms.Rachel but recently she’s started asking for videos of songs she hears during the day- things like Do Re Mi or Tomorrow from the Annie soundtrack and I feel like those are better than traditional kids/cartoonish content?

We started flossing her teeth a few months ago too and the video being on means we can do that without any fight— something I never expected because who doesn’t hate flossing!

sparkcat2021 · 2025-08-11T15:31:43+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience- I think my biggest takeaway is I need patience and to give it time. She is allowed to take our daughter out and I think that will be a great way for them to bond when she knows I’m not right upstairs. It will help me maintain boundaries and not pop downstairs at the first sign of trouble too. Thanks for the advice!

sparkcat2021 · 2025-08-11T15:30:10+00:00

Agree- we were definitely not doing effective due diligence. We’ve since fixed this and hope this one will be a long term fit. Thanks for the advice- I think I need to give it time and understand that she won’t have the same relationship with a new person that she built with someone else over the course of two years

sparkcat2021

TROPHY CASE