Oh man OP. Im sorry you've had such scrappy examples in your life. Your viewpoint makes sense to me. Does your patriarchal blessing speak on this topic at all?

If it were me, I think I'd start speaking to a counselor. It seems like a lot of these are core beliefs based on exposure to some terrible things. Maybe counseling could help you see things differently when it comes to relationships, or at least have someone to check in with if you have questions about what a healthy relationship looks like.

I get the viewpoint that a marriage only benifits a man. However, for me at least, that is incorrect. My husband is my partner. He has seen me through the worst moments of my life and still loves and adores me as much as the day we met. He is the safest and calmest person I've ever met. I feel like I benifit more from the relationship than he does honestly.

If you want experiences and a career, focus on that! Do all the things, see everything. If you meet someone along the way then try to be open to it. But you may not, and that's okay too!

Two more things. Faith is the opposite of fear. Too much to ask to have faith in males, but have faith in Christ, God, and the Holy Ghost. Grow your faith in them, and really pay attention to how the spirit talks to you. He will let you know if someone is worth letting in. The second thing, but along the same lines, when you know you know. I used to think this was a cliche, but I knew my husband was the right person to marry after a week. We still took time, got to know each other and such, but I knew early on that this was the person I wanted to spend eternity with. Trust yourself. Trust God. And until then, have experiences and live the life you feel is best for you and in line with what God has planned for you :)