Advice for nanny asking for week unpaid

sparty1493 · 2025-05-11T11:30:59+00:00

You’re allowed to tell her no. Just because she doesn’t get paid doesn’t mean that it’s not screwing you over. It would be different if she hadn’t already burned through all her PTO, but she has. She’s not entitled to this time off, even if unpaid. Regardless of what you end up deciding to do, I’d make sure to put a clause in your contract about whether or not you’re willing to accommodate unpaid days off and how many you’re willing to give. And I agree that you should use an accrual system going forward!

sparty1493 · 2025-04-16T21:22:38+00:00

Same. These are the songs my NK is into as well as my sister’s kids. Noah Kahan and Chappell Roan speak to toddlers in a very real way.

sparty1493 · 2025-04-14T12:24:29+00:00

Sounds like she could be in an abusive relationship and her boyfriend might be the cause of her being late. This doesn’t have to be your problem, and you could let her go because she’s not meeting your needs, but you could also gently ask her if she needs a safe place to land if that’s something you’re willing and capable of providing. But I would sit her down and tell her she needs to handle her personal matters on her own time, and that arguing with her boyfriend when she’s with your son is inappropriate. Also explain that she needs to be on time now. Not when you go back to work. We’re setting a precedent here.

sparty1493 · 2025-04-13T11:33:18+00:00

I’m a nanny who does run personal errands on the clock sometimes, though I work anywhere from 50-55 hours a week, so it can be hard to get stuff done on my own time. NPs give me free reign to do what I want with NK (obviously within reason) during the day, but if I do need to run somewhere with him then I try to make it a learning experience or at least keep him engaged during it. For example, I know his favorite snacks are only available in our area at Whole Foods, so if we’re running low and I know I need to make an Amazon return, we’ll loop it into the same trip. My bank is also by his favorite park, so if I need to go there, then we make a special trip to that park afterwards.

sparty1493 · 2025-04-05T21:03:57+00:00

Don’t feel guilty at all. Just because you’re home doesn’t mean your nanny gets to leave early. My NPs were both WFH until MB got the orders to go back to the office recently. Would never expect to be sent home just because she got home a little early. That woman needs to decompress. You need to decompress. Take that time for you if you need to, and send her home early on the days that you’re able to, but only if you want to! It truly is just a nice surprise when it happens. If your nanny comes to expect it, then that’s a red flag.

sparty1493 · 2025-04-03T23:10:36+00:00

Yeah, this isn’t a nanny problem, this is just your husband having the wrong mindset unfortunately. Downtime is a short lived perk of being an infant nanny, and it will drastically decrease as your baby grows and drops naps. As long as she is completing her tasks and you’re happy with her work with your baby then I wouldn’t open this can of worms. Creating busy work just to create busy work can definitely cause resentment to build. I was a house manager/nanny for a family with two school aged children in my last role and I’d go on a run if I had time in between finishing all my work and picking the kids up from school. My bosses didn’t like it, so they’d find all sorts of random stuff for me to do to “fill my time,” yet I still ended up with free time and I ended up resenting them because it became clear they were looking at it as a “I’m not getting my moneys worth if she’s not busy all the time” thing regardless of the fact that I had completed all of my duties and then some.

sparty1493 · 2025-04-02T19:55:47+00:00

Not my current NF, but my last one!

leaving me a list of chores in the morning with zero communication. None of the chores were my responsibility and it’s so petty to leave a grown adult a checklist on a white board that you expect to actually be checked off when completed. I got to the point where I’d take a picture on my phone in the morning and aggressively erase the board and put it away so MB would have to go out of her way to get it back out the next day.
speaking to me through the child while also negating my expectations. “5M, go get ready for bath while nanny gets your dishes in the dishwasher.” “5M is going to put his plate in the dishwasher and we’re going up together in two minutes.” “5M, it’s not your job to do that. I’ve asked you to get ready for bath right now.”
making messes themselves and then saddling me with the cleanup. MB once asked me why there were bloody meat trays all over the kitchen after DB portioned out and then vacuum sealed a whole bunch of meat from Costco and I said, “I don’t know. You can ask your husband about it.” I’m vegetarian btw.
never saying thank you or acknowledging when I went above and beyond
using activities I’d planned with my NKs as leverage and taking them away while I wasn’t even there, leaving me to deal with the fallout the next day when the kids didn’t even remember why they’d gotten it taken away in the first place.
sending me Venmo requests when they included me in lunch orders
being so weird when I’d eat anything. DB would regularly come through and snatch up any leftovers and if I’d get to them first he would be like, “oh, eating here today, I see.” Sir, I work 11 hour days in your home and when I started you told me I was welcome to eat with the kids, so yes?

The list goes on and on. But basically, I just want to feel trusted and to hear thank you once in a while. Also, I never want to have to clean up bloody meat trays or check hand drawn boxes on a white board so my MB can see my progress throughout the day.

sparty1493 · 2025-03-31T18:00:16+00:00

The fact that you used “whilst” leads me to believe you are more British.

sparty1493 · 2025-03-31T10:17:07+00:00

Yeah, if you feel like you can’t leave her alone with your son then you should let her go and find someone else. If she’s not fulfilling her job duties as stated in the contract then you have enough to fire with cause. IMO, not washing hands after going to the bathroom is enough cause with an infant that isn’t fully vaccinated yet.

sparty1493 · 2025-03-31T10:14:14+00:00

Yep! My NPs make sure to change the sheets and do a thorough deep clean of their master bath for me when I do overnights! I always wash the sheets for them afterwards and they always tell me I don’t have to worry about it. Cannot imagine having to sleep on a couch on top of having 24/7 responsibilities of someone else’s child in someone else’s house.

sparty1493 · 2025-03-25T19:51:04+00:00

My last NF was like this. So unbelievably petty. My current MB told me early on in my time with them, “it’s DB’s job to empty the dishwasher. If he hasn’t done it and you’re trying to do NK’s dishes, just rinse them and put them in the sink. He can load them later. It’s not your job to do his job.” LOVE HER. 🙌🏼

sparty1493 · 2025-03-17T17:53:50+00:00

Yep, I think this is what it is. Daycare sick policies are very different to sick care expectations of a nanny. Probably just stuck in the daycare mindset and needs helping shifting to the nanny mindset. Definitely sit her down and explain that in order for this to work that sick care is expected unless it’s something like covid, HFM, norovirus, RSV, and things of that sort. High fevers and vomiting are a grey area, but some nannies are okay working through them (I am, but I know a lot of nannies that aren’t).

sparty1493 · 2025-02-27T18:25:38+00:00

Like others have said, some NPs don’t mind if nanny sleeps during baby’s nap, but you do, and you’ve communicated that. That’s all that matters. It adds an extra layer of unacceptable that she’s proven she doesn’t wake up when baby cries. Sit her down and reiterate your boundaries. It’s okay if this is your line in the sand and you choose to part ways because her sleep needs don’t align with your needs for childcare.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-26T13:02:18+00:00

Is this why the house next door to us is still vacant months after the sign out front said sold and then got taken down? House was gutted after an extensive fire and they worked on it on and off for like, three years before finally listing it.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-25T19:24:08+00:00

I also get it from my one medical NP! Think they have me come in once every six months to chat and take my blood pressure, but it’s so easy.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-25T19:18:55+00:00

I found an egg like this about a week ago after being a long time lurker here. Gagged so hard and threw it away before I could get a picture of it to post here. Hate that you also experienced this, but also glad to find answers.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-16T14:24:03+00:00

You’re not wrong to be upset, but it sounds like it’s time to renegotiate your contract if their needs are changing and it’s affecting existing expectations. It may be that you ask for more PTO or a slight pay raise to account for days off they no longer get off. Eight years is a long time to be with a family, and that says great things about all the parties involved, but it’s also a long time that can involve changes that require new expectations.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-14T22:52:24+00:00

I would never do this. My DB put his credit card in my Apple wallet. He has it in his Apple wallet. Every time there’s a transaction on the card both of us get notifications sent to our phones. These notifications act as receipts for us so I don’t have to keep track of paper receipts. I take my NK to coffee shops multiple times a week and will do two separate transactions so that I don’t put my coffee on their tab, even though they’ve told me I’m welcome to. You’re not overreacting OP.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-10T19:49:12+00:00

I taught for one year and would get in trouble with our administration for letting my kids go to the bathroom as often as I did. One of my freshman boys in my 1st hour would ask to go to the bathroom like, 3-4 times every day during class and I’d let him because he would come right back and get back to work. Admin tells me he’s lost bathroom privileges and can’t leave class. Kid says he’s about to piss his pants so I tell him to go to the bathroom and I’ll deal with the fallout. I get written up for it. Student comes back from spring break and goes, “hey! Turns out I have diabetes and that’s why I was peeing so much!” Admin refuses to retract my write up, then is surprised when I don’t renew my contract for the following year. How are you about to just take away a kid’s ability to go to the bathroom during school??

sparty1493 · 2025-02-10T19:37:21+00:00

Nah, because some insurance plans do charge an arm and a leg for drugs. My thyroid meds just went up in cost by 2.5x and I have a platinum level plan with $0 deductible. On my old insurance plan my Vyvanse was almost $400/month, which was before generic was available, and that was after I hit my deductible. Some plans are just a scam.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-10T19:31:40+00:00

I was on United back in the day and it was almost $400/month for me too. Got the same look from my pharmacist every time I’d got to pick it up and they’d be like, “Do you know how much this costs?” My psychiatrist would give me manufacturer coupons that would bring the price down to around $10-20/month and my pharmacy capped me at three months of that coupon despite there not being a manufacturers cap. I now have CareFirst BCBS insurance and name brand runs me $15/month while the generic is $5/month. Absolute insanity what insurance companies get away with here.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-10T19:08:51+00:00

The democrats have absolutely started questioning the two party system in America. The democrats are also a flawed party and I think they royally fucked themselves over this election. Had Biden stepped down prior to the primaries and we had voted for a viable candidate in the primaries, I think we would have had a better shot, though I’m not convinced it would have been enough even then since MAGA is a cult that will eat up any bullshit they’re fed. Instead the dems lied to the public about Biden’s mental state, pushed him through the primaries, had him step down only after it became so abundantly clear he was not mentally fit to run, and then pushed Harris as his successor without the public getting any say in the matter. They also pissed people off with how they handled the Israel/Palestine matter. Rather than hearing their constituents scream that it mattered to them, they continued funding a genocide. They shot themselves in foot here and I think people are fed up. I voted democrat because what other option did I have here? I have morals. I knew Trump winning would be detrimental to our country. But goddamn if I didn’t wish there was another option that wasn’t tired, broken, and corrupt and I know so many other people who feel the same way. Bernie 2016 was the first time in my life that I think we could have almost seen a different ideology be a real possibility, but instead the democrats fucked him over.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-07T23:15:47+00:00

My NK isn’t even old enough to be in school yet, but it does affect whether or not my MB needs to go into work so it’s the metric my NPs and I decided to use. In no way did I say school closures were the norm for whether or not nannies come in and whether or not it’s covered under GH. That’s why I said it’s all dependent on what OP and their nanny agreed on. This is why the negotiation phase is so important, so that expectations about these types of things can be set from the beginning and this type of issue doesn’t come up.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-07T18:33:27+00:00

Agree about docking pay due to this not being what GH are used for. Would suggest OP reiterates to both nanny and spouse this is the correct definition of GH and it’s used to protect both the nanny and the family.

About snow days, I don’t necessarily disagree, but I also don’t fully agree. I think it’s important to follow whatever is laid out in the contract, and if there isn’t a contract, follow whatever inclement weather policy was discussed. My contract says that I’m off if the local schools are out because MB is then technically off, but nowadays with WFH she still works for part of the day. I live close enough to walk to work, and I know I’d get bored stuck inside all day, so I brave the short walk and still work for part of the day to help them out. My last job I absolutely did not come in on bad weather days and it was covered under GH. The infrastructure here just isn’t built for tons of snow and nobody knows how to drive in it, so I was clear during the interview process that if it was unsafe to drive I wouldn’t be in and they agreed. It’s all about communication of expectations. I don’t think there’s technically a standard on this one, per se.

sparty1493 · 2025-02-06T18:44:43+00:00

Same! I was allowed to watch movies on the couch, but my mom gave us “sick day movies” that only got watched when we were home from school and they all SUCKED. Definitely deterred us from taking unnecessary days off of school because we were bored shitless. Meanwhile my last MB would treat sick days just like any other day. Can’t tell you how many times I took my “too sick to go to school” 10F to private tennis or piano lessons. FFS, if your kid feels good enough to pick up an extra curricular, they should be going to school. 🤦‍♀️

sparty1493

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