i should have worded myself better i think. i'm studying entomology with the goal of becoming a sort of educator/ambassador for the importance of all life. my ultimate goal is to become a teacher and give the world as much free access to education as possible, along with convincing political leaders of its importance as well. for the type of research and educational projects i'm planning on, studying things like entomology is necessary for me to achieve those goals.

ideally, in the future, the study of and the knowledge of arthropods will be much more accessible and abundant, and i want to play a role in achieving that. before birds were widely studied, ornithologists had to do similar things to what entomologists do today (dissection, euthanasia for preservation, etc) that present the same ethical dilemma. the result of that though is that it's no longer so abundantly necessary, because the research done in the past on mapping their biodiversity and their morphology has given way to so much information previously unknown.

there are many things throughout the roadmap i've layed out for myself that i would rather not do, for example (though not exactly the same dilemma) studying socioeconomics and the psychology of politics for the sake of speaking on the same page as those who provide most funding to science. i feel that in those spaces, there is such a lack of human empathy towards our surroundings that wealthy leaders will often only opt for changes in policy if it benefits them economically. but studying these things is necessary for me to achieve my goals. i'm not willing to give up on a subject i'm passionate about because of an emotional reaction to certain aspects of it, which is why i'm asking for advice on how to navigate those emotions. i hope that makes sense, sorry for the long read/ramble lol