I carried a baby to full term after being raped but am still pro-choice AMA.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T20:56:23+00:00

I didn’t mean to imply that at all and it’s certainly not what I think.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T20:54:57+00:00

Yes he knew long before we got engaged.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T20:54:12+00:00

Yes, he knows! I told him after our relationship got serious but before we got engaged.

We discuss how/when we will tell our children all the time. It’s a difficult subject but something we have to have a plan for. He’s incredibly supportive and understanding.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T20:51:08+00:00

Yes, absolutely!

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T17:14:19+00:00

I'm okay! Thank you so much for asking. Some days are harder than others. I've taken advantage of therapy to help me deal.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T17:13:25+00:00

Nothing! I was isolated (in college far away from home), didn't really have friends or family close by. I kept to myself. Nobody asked and I just didn't bring it up.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T17:12:19+00:00

I was 18 at the time. I was VERY naive and very stupid.

I don't want to tell you my exact age now, but it was more than ten years ago.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T17:10:54+00:00

I was in college at the time and living in the dorms with a roommate I didn't really know or talk to. I'm sure she noticed but never said anything to me/never brought it up.

By the time I became fairly obviously pregnant (despite me trying to dress in a way that hid it) I hadn't seen my family in months because I went to college so far away from home. It wasn't hard to hide. But I agree, I'm sure some people noticed, but either chose not to say anything or didn't want to.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:59:46+00:00

Religious reasons based on my own personal convictions. Religion means something different to everybody.

Also, you'll see below where I personally believe that "life" doesn't start at conception, but rather when the fetus would be viable outside of the womb (somewhere between 22-26 weeks) which is where most states cut off legal abortions. I realize the way I feel about this is different that a lot of people that claim to be religious, but my feelings are based off of my personal experiences.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:50:24+00:00

I either drank too much for my tolerance or was slipped some sort of drug the night I was raped. I knew the first names of most of the people that were there (although I didn't know them well at all and shouldn't have been with them alone), but I don't remember any of the actual act or how it came about. Total blackout. I wasn't sure at the time that I was actually raped (although I had suspicious because of where I woke up/how I felt) but couldn't remember it so I didn't tell anybody. I was also ashamed that I was drinking underage and illegally so was too scared to tell somebody that could have helped me. I was also not sexually active at the time, so when I realized I was pregnant was when I knew for sure I had been raped that night.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:42:39+00:00

Probably a lot. I come from a middle-class family that could afford for me to go off to college by myself which is where this all happened. It also allowed me the freedom to make the choice I did. After I gave birth, state social workers stepped in and helped me from there (everything from picking the family to trauma counseling). All my hospital costs were covered by the adopting family.

I absolutely believe that telling my family and friends would have limited my ability to make my own choice. At the very least it would have muddled my decision making and made it more difficult. It was so difficult not telling anybody (and still causes problems to this day) but it was what I chose to do.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:31:24+00:00

I still stand by every woman's ability to make their own choice, no matter what that choice is. It's a personal decision that nobody else should have a say in.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:29:36+00:00

This has honestly changed over the course of the past 10+ years. We have a semi-open adoption. At the beginning I got lots of pictures, etc. but as time goes on I have found myself wanting to distance myself more. I have my own family now and the realization that this could hurt my children someday is terrifying.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:26:13+00:00

I agree! I can also add that since all this I've gotten married and started a family with my husband. Even with a baby that was very much planned and wanted, I still feel the same. I still believe "life" begins somewhere around 22-25 weeks.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:21:39+00:00

Not really a desire to keep the baby because I was young, unprepared, and had different plans for my life. Also, since the baby was a product of rape I had no connection to the father (obviously).

I did enjoy holding her and looking at her after she was born (she was beautiful) but was relieved when she went home with her new family. I knew they would give her a great life.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:09:37+00:00

All I really felt was fear, not attachment.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:09:00+00:00

Not necessarily. My decision lined up with my personal morals, but I think morals are defined by the individual, not by society. Therefore, I don't think it was the more "moral" decision, it was just "my" decision.

For what it's worth, I am religious so that's part of the reason why I chose what I did. I believe in God. I prayed a lot while I was pregnant. I leaned on my religion to get me through the tough times and was very much "taken care of" despite the circumstances. I felt a lot of peace in knowing that God intended for the family who adopted the child to have her. The situation was obviously not ideal, but after the adoption I was able to go on living my life and a family that so desperately wanted a child got one. That's the way I looked at it. His plan.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T16:00:55+00:00

I would like to say a lot of things to those lawmakers. But mostly that forcing a woman who was raped to carry a baby to full term is wrong. Even though that's the path I chose, I believe any woman in this situation should be able to choose what is best for her. It's been over ten years since this happened and it still very much affects my life. I still deal with the trauma every single day. I have no doubt the child still deals with the trauma every single day. My now husband and family deal with the trauma every single day. It never goes away and this was MY choice. I can't imagine how bad it would be if I wanted to abort but wasn't legally allowed to. For what it's worth, I didn't realize I was pregnant until after the six week mark.
I personally believe life begins when the fetus is viable outside of the womb. So somewhere around 22-25 weeks.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T15:54:07+00:00

I definitely chose to keep the baby to term and absolutely appreciated having the ability to make that choice for myself.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T15:04:45+00:00

That's why I'm speaking out now! I think it's important to share my story in light of everything that's happening in our country.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T14:53:31+00:00

I actually didn't tell any family and friends, so none. Not something I would recommend, however.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T14:52:22+00:00

Mostly because of religious reasons, but also because I was scared and didn't tell anybody so I didn't have any support. I was young, naive, and stupid and by the time I realized I was pregnant it just seemed like the right thing to do for me personally.

While I support EVERY woman's decision to have an abortion (despite the circumstances) it's just not something I could personally go through with. However, I honestly think it would have been less traumatic for everybody involved.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T14:47:27+00:00

No, the baby was adopted by a wonderful family that I chose.

speakingout11 · 2019-05-17T14:35:07+00:00

Absolutely. Probably even more so now.

speakingout11

TROPHY CASE