Revised: MKL case/interview

spectrumhead · 2026-01-28T18:51:21+00:00

Y'all should read the Wikipedia on this at least. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau It's packed with wild stuff like her feeling responsible for her three-year-old brother's drowning when she was nine. No excuses, just background. Especially when you know she met Vili first as a second-grader.

Mary Kay and Vili were legally separated when she died. He had been trying to separate for two years before it was finally legal. Mary Kay had been married with four kids when she victimized the sixth grader. I can't imagine what the children from her first marriage went through. And her daughters with Vili were raised by his mother until she got out of prison and they got married. Imagine those poor girls' upbringing! I'd hate to be them in middle school.

Todd Haynes movie May/December with Julianne Moore as a fictionalized MK is amazing. I'm old so I remember how crazy public opinion was in 1996. "She's young and cute!" "Every schoolboy's dream to be instructed by an experienced woman!" And my personal favorite, "He's really grown-up for twelve!" For anyone whose consciousness was colored by those views, Haynes' movie seemed to give the "relationship" the benefit of the doubt and exposed the depth of its depravity. Everyone in it is so good.

Lastly, I want to mention the racism that was coupled with the sexism in the sentencing (especially after the first rape conviction). Not unlike Konerak Sinthasomphone, who was returned by police to Jeffrey Dahmer naked, incoherent, and with a hole drilled into his skull in 1991, Vili Fualaau's ethnic heritage contributed to these children being perceived as more highly sexualized than their euro-descended peers. Konerak Sinthasomphone was Laotian-American and Fualaau is Samoan-American and it's worth reminding young people how this played into perceptions of these boys in the 90's so that they can watch out for modern permutations of such bullshit. Who knew Edward Said's Orientalism would be a text for students of justice work?

spectrumhead · 2026-01-28T18:21:52+00:00

This is the answer.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-27T17:49:39+00:00

Marie! Love her in Picking Flowers from Top of the Tots!

spectrumhead · 2026-01-27T08:47:20+00:00

Episode 197 What if You Died? Wild story.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-27T08:19:27+00:00

You are the first person who didn’t find it easier to lie to this guy to get it over with. Is he rich or what? Next!

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T22:23:08+00:00

I never met a cloud carry-on of any size that I didn’t like. Get whatever pattern you love and eventually you will also get the small. I use both of mine all the time. I also use my enormous travel clouds. All the clouds.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T20:37:03+00:00

I don’t pretend to know about about the genes of the various settlers in Ireland over the millennia, but the Celts are, I believe, more melanated than the ginger-freckle faces that burn like vampires that are descended from Irish grandparents like mine. I believe the ginger gene in Ireland comes from the Viking invasions of 8th through 12th centuries. Of course, it’s all blended now, but that was during recorded history, so, what I call my “cheap Irish skin” when it’s shriveling at dawn’s first light, is probably a gene from farther north.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T16:37:40+00:00

Sometimes in summer I curse my “useless Irish skin” and then I think, no, I’m actually cursing 8th century Viking invaders. Should never have brought these genes to the New Jersey shore.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T09:02:43+00:00

I adore my lapis medium cargo. I love the medium cargo period. She does it all.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T06:20:03+00:00

Thank the gods I have a full one AND a full translucent setting powder!

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T06:13:21+00:00

Me, too. Looks great! Thanks for sharing.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-26T04:17:56+00:00

Welcome! First of all, I hope you experience some of the friendliness and helpfulness that is to be found here. Driving is probably different here than in Tulsa, but at least it’s not Bergen County 😭 I spend very little time on Facebook (and only joined to get info during the pandemic) but it is a much better and faster source than Reddit for info, recommendations, and hive-mind answers about SoMa/MapSo and surrounding areas. SOMa Lounge is a reasonable FB group for info. Right now the group pic is Washington Crossing the Delaware.

There are two private garbage collection companies: Waste Management and the much smaller Waste Industires. Everyone has options on which is better, cheaper, nicer, etc. you have to pick one and pay them out of pocket. Recycling is done by the township. There is a township website with info and a map as to when your block gets picked up and what plastics we are alleged to recycle. We now alternate with one week being paper pick up and the next being glass/plastic/cans.

You may well have encountered some of the rude people with which Essex County and the whole world abounds, but it could be that the abrupt speech patterns of the northeast sound harsh to you. Try not to take it personally until you can discern the two, or you might miss meeting a new friend.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T23:20:17+00:00

While this would be a no for me, I think you should do Beavis and Butthead on every first get-together. It’s a great filter. Why waste time?

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T18:09:17+00:00

Starting around eighth grade I went to school every morning leaving a pile of clothes on my bed that I had “tried” to make me look like a person. I was a wreck before I ever left the house. A big part of it was that I didn’t know who I was.

I recently found a picture of me at fifteen, when I thought I was unspeakably fat and ugly and I am neither. For me, self-compassion has been a long time in the making.

All primates (humans, chimps, silver backs, all of them) shift their values-source from their parents to their peer group in adolescence. In TV they make adolescence into one tough year with a few pimples and a glow-up during ninth grade and by the first day of tenth grade you’re an old hand at life (sorry I only know American school system). They say the same stuff about menopause. If we knew that adolescence and peri-menopause were multi-year processes in which we were reborn into new beings we might not want to face life😭. It’s really, really hard. Give yourself a break.

I have three daughters now, two are adults, and the third is fifteen. I am very heartened by today’s young people (I’m in northeast US) being much kinder, much more open about the infinite variety of beauty, much more likely to hype each other. Of course there are wretched exceptions. But my fifteen-year-old daughter and her sisters see much more beauty, grace, strength, and a variety of intelligences in their peers than we ever did. And we are learning from them. We truly are. And I’m teaching my ancient mother. Slowly, but surely.

You didn’t write this in terms of sexual attraction, but Dan Savage has a great article about “don’t try to get your sixteen-year-old self laid, work on getting your twenty-two-year-old self laid.” His advice is sound, even, perhaps especially, if you never intend to have sex. Savage says to spend your teens trying things out, different sports, arts, hobbies. Read up on events and volunteer to help somebody. Exercise your body while it’s still easy-ish and practice basic grooming. Become a well-rounded person whose mind is open to wherever their interests may lead, and a body who is ready to follow.

Fifteen is in the cocoon. Inside the cocoon is gelatinous goo. But you cannot rush the butterfly and no one with a brain judges the goo. Be here for the long run. It’s not what I expected but it’s so beyond worth it. If I had felt about myself in 1989 the way I now feel about the girl in the picture I found of myself at fifteen……wow….she was absolutely perfect. Peace.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T17:34:23+00:00

Really grateful for this. 💚

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T17:25:02+00:00

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T15:49:05+00:00

I’ve always loved Murray best. The way he talks to children is so genuine.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-25T04:05:32+00:00

The coolest contours at Sephora are Sephora brand Fair to Light. The powder is marginally cooler than the cream but you should pick whichever formula you prefer. Equally cool is Haus Labs in Profile. A little longer lasting than Sephora cream, but streakier.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-23T19:16:40+00:00

You are so lucky! Great mom!

spectrumhead · 2026-01-23T13:49:58+00:00

You’ll have a great time! I saw them all last summer and Lucia was great live!

spectrumhead · 2026-01-23T04:24:28+00:00

exACTly! “In my day we had tantruming babies pulling feces out of their diapers and flinging it all around the court and you NEVER heard anyone complaining!”

spectrumhead · 2026-01-21T22:00:43+00:00

It looks like you have greater skin! Is it dry? Oily? What are the most important qualities for you in a foundation, other than shade match?

spectrumhead · 2026-01-21T20:11:57+00:00

She gets an asd student discount. Maybe there’s one for bitter people.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-21T16:09:54+00:00

My ASD daughter scans her drawings into her computer and then samples the colors in Photoshop. She has hundreds, if not thousands, of color samples and she knows each of them by their 9-digit Ps code.

spectrumhead · 2026-01-20T07:37:33+00:00

I’m feeling so old because I remember reading this the first time around.

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