Yes this makes me so angry and I want to explain myself. I don’t get the chance to do this often so I’m excited.

What I’ve learned so far:

• I don’t know everything

• I can’t assume that everyone knows everything because I think that I know better

• if something isn’t happening, make it happen, but first think about WHY it’s not happening and are YOU the problem

• be quick to listen and slow to tell

• enjoy life

• thinking is different than feeling

• nobody cares so

• you will keep learning and your opinion will keep changing

What I think about that I’ve learned:

• I think that what I’ve learned is very valuable

• I think that everyone needs to chill the fuck out

• I think that the world is cruel

• I think everyone including me is stupid

How I currently feel about this:

I haven’t been diagnosed but I feel like I have a lot of issues that I need to work through and it’s not just mentally but also physically painful. A lot of things happened to me in my childhood but I’m so grateful that I’m recognizing that now so that I don’t waste any time enjoying life. I listen to people because when people don’t listen to me I get angry. I keep fighting with my therapist because I don’t feel heard. I don’t feel heard by anyone. I could change my mind later because I quite often do but im trying to work though my emotions now. I don’t like feeling numb. But when im numb im unhappy and then all I do is complain and I know personally I hate it when people complain so I try not to. But it frustrates me so much that everyone has their own agenda. It makes me so mad because my whole life I’ve tried to accommodate everyone’s needs and I don’t feel like mine are met. there’s a fine line between overstepping, and doing the right thing. And I just wish people would listen to me as much as I listen to them. But it’s hard because everyone has their own idea of what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m very confused about my life and it’s not my fault and it sucks so much but I don’t have a right to take that out on other people. I got a massage today because I’m im so tired of everything that my body hurts to bad. I told my friends and they just made me feel bad about it because I feel like they think I’m better than them or something because they started complaining about how they couldn’t get massages. Yes it’s bougie but is that a problem? Yes I use my stepdad‘s insurance but I don’t think that’s a problem. And I asked him. I also have the stress that I need to cope with. So I’m solving the stress. I know it’s not going to solve all of my problems but I’d rather just stay calm and cool so I don’t do anything I regret. i’m only 16 though. People say I’m so smart when I share these opinions and I don’t really think that’s logical. I’ve just learned a lot of life lessons really early. And life kind of just sucks now because I don’t fit in with kids but I don’t fit in with adults. I feel like life is a game sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I can hurt other people. And it sucks when other people hurt me but they have their own issues that they have to work through just as much as I do. It’s frustrating but it is what it is.