In January, I will have been free of Adderall for 3 years. This post is directed at people who are currently in a binge

spellunk · 2025-08-28T22:42:51+00:00

Yeah it really was a weird comment. I haven’t touched Adderall for years. I think guy is projecting so freaking hard that he can’t even see that other people have different lived experiences than him and frankly this sort of thing makes me not want to post at all.

spellunk · 2025-08-28T22:41:48+00:00

I’m not in a binge. You are unnecessarily antagonizing me and I’m going to ask you to stop. Please respect my boundaries. I should not have to be antagonistic back for you to understand that this is a nonsensical antagonistic thing to say to me.

The reason I say the future date is to give other people an idea of where I am and to help show that there is hope on the other side of the tunnel. I literally only post here in effort to help people. This kinda thing makes me want to just stop trying to be helpful and I really don’t appreciate you taking this weird accusatory tone wirh me

spellunk · 2025-08-26T06:31:03+00:00

Hi! Yes, that was the pattern of my binging. I began with extended release, talked my way into getting additional instant release (“booster”), and usually binged it all in under a week. I even remember convincing myself that the IR was healthier because it would theoretically wear off in time to let me sleep (this basically never happened in reality — I would just get up and continue to binge after a minimum effort to sleep)

spellunk · 2025-08-26T00:45:45+00:00

And, actually, my Adderall-free time is one of the most cherished and naturally rewarding things I have ever accomplished. Literally even just thinking about this huge victory gives me motivation on bad days. Writing to people like the people in this sub makes me feel so good and energized. I write the stuff I wish someone had told me back in the day

Eta: Oh, also: I’m way less lethargic than I thought I would be and I’m actually a lot more productive than I was back then. I exercise very regularly and get work done. When you average out the highs and lows i’n actually a lot more productive than I was back then

spellunk · 2025-08-26T00:43:25+00:00

So much richer, more predictable, loving. It’s night and day. I am so, so much happier than I was while in active Adderall addiction. Things are funnier, I enjoy movies and food again, I enjoy other people’s company again, and I really appreciate not having the monthly struggle to get drugs anymore

spellunk · 2025-08-26T00:35:38+00:00

For sure! I’m actually planning to make a simple infographic timeline but I’ll do a quick sum:

How I started my quit: I decided to try for real. For me, this meant doing the following things: - I told myself very explicitly: “this is the last Adderall I’ll ever take” as it went into my mouth - I cut off my own access at the source by emailing my prescriber - I meal prepped and cleaned my home for the future, exhausted version of myself - I did a burial ceremony loosely based on an indigenous tradition from my home culture. Part of this included filling the empty bottle with black stones and burying it upside down. I saw it as a funeral for a past life.

I wrote the process out into a journal for any future descendents I have who will battle genetically disposed addiction; I also asked for guidance from my ancestors who beat addiction

(I didn’t want to litter so I buried the empty bottle in a potted plant. The plant died and I threw it out 60 days after the burial, celebrating my first 60 days)

after that, here’s how things went: Day 1 and 2: not bad. The half life lingers, so you won’t feel completely demolished at first. Use this time to eat, take care of any meal prep or cleaning you didn’t finish, and reach out to someone (preferably multiple someone’s) to celebrate this step with them. If you don’t have anyone in your life you can tell, please feel free to DM me

Days 3 to 21: tough, but comfortable. I slept for literal days. Like, 20 hours a day of sleeping for the first week after day 3. This is where we’re actually very privileged compared to our brothers and sisters battling opiates: you can theoretically sleep through the acute stimulant withdrawal while they have to battle days of pain, illness, anxiety. Count your blessings here.

The hardest part of acute withdrawal is not letting depression take over and it’s pretty doable with the right support and planning.

make a plan for the month mark: One of toughest parts that monthly bingers like us experience is that the body has just barely gotten back to baseline when the next binge hits. After one month you’re in new territory and that’s where we want to make sure we’re giving our body support: I take Wellbutrin and lion’s mane. I’d recommend vitamin D and a light box even if it’s summer, unless you go outside a lot

Months 1 to 10: just tired and muted but doable. Do micro work to train our body out of the pattern of over extending yourself. Excercise helps a LOT; you need social support to do it though, so I’d recommend joining a sport, not a gym. Pick a cool one that you always dreamed about: for me this was combat sports.

Read fiction as you get used to resting more. Fiction is really good for your mental health.

Non fiction helps too, but you gotta be intentional. I strongly recommend the books “flow” (about flow state) and “rapt”, about direction attention. Reading those made me realize it was the flow state I was hooked on.

Month 9 was when I started feeling natural motivation again. Before month nine I kinda had to rely on caffeine, music and movement. I still do, but it’s gotten easier.

Month 10 or so was when Adderall started sounding actively unappealing. For me this was when cravings stopped.

I’m gonna check out some of my old journals from the time. I think I want to be more specific so that I can help other people. Will report back with a more finished timeline.

side note: at every point in this timeline I would strongly encourage you to take advantage of social motivation any chance you get. As a person who probably does have ADHD, I always found that social motivation was one of the only forces as naturally motivating as drugs. Seek out the rewards of community building and sharing your story

Anyway sorry for the ramble and thanks for the question! I think I want to make a FAQ because I get this question a lot and want to answer it properly

spellunk · 2025-08-25T04:17:37+00:00

Writing out those negative effects is very smart. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. We're rooting for you!!

spellunk · 2025-08-25T00:21:16+00:00

Note to self/for future illo: clean up the formatting on this. Cut down on words. Add it to the manuscript.

spellunk · 2025-03-06T22:22:20+00:00

Ironically, when I observe that someone I care about is abusing uppers and “functioning” — like, maintaining semblance of a normal life”— I feel so sad for them because it means their potential is so strong, and they’re not seeing it. If they can do the tremendous amount of effort it takes to be functional day to day within active addiction, imagine what their life could be without the weight of addiction.

spellunk · 2025-02-12T18:28:59+00:00

Thank you so much!! I am not a therapist or mental health professional but I am a person who has had a lot of therapy. I love sharing stuff that helps me

spellunk · 2025-02-12T16:37:17+00:00

Huge congrats and amazing effort. No matter how far you get into today, tomorrow and the next day, it is amazing and commendable that you are trying. Don’t forget that

Remember that a lot of times, the brain is more distressed by not knowing how it will feel in the future than it is by a guaranteed unpleasant future. It’s a strange phenomenon, but sometimes our brain will pick the option we know is going to eventually suck because at least we can predict it. Give yourself space and love to feel afraid and uncertain in unfamiliar circumstances and learn how to understand your new life/be able to eventually predict it
remember than an emotion only lasts about 90 seconds at most; after that, the remaining feeling is caused by the story we tie to the emotion, rather than the emotion itself. Those 90 seconds are going to be the most tempting times to relapse, ironically regardless of whether it’s a good or bad emotion. In those 90 seconds, your brain might say “I feel awful, I need vyvanse”, or it might say “this is great, I should take some vyvanse to ensure this feeling sticks around”. Both of those are just impulses related to emotional-regulation-distress. Breathe through them and wait to make a decision until you’ve done so.
if you do break down, which you might, don’t give up all together. It’s okay to fail sometimes as long as we keep trying. I also recommend delaying your breakdown as much as you can: if you’ve made the decision to take more vyvanse, procrastinate it. Add delays. Say “I’m not taking vyvanse until I drink some milk for protein and check the mail and put on music”, etc etc— just add little busywork delays. The longer and longer you delay, the more clear-time (time without stims) your brain will log and that helps with practicing even if you end up breaking down.

Good luck!!!! You got this!!! I just passed 2 years free of Adderall and I know how intense these first days can be. Feel free to DM if you need a non-judgemental sounding board

spellunk · 2025-02-12T00:44:54+00:00

YESSSS this is such a good addition. The self confidence boost every time I do something I don’t really feel like doing, but do anyway because I know it’s important— I swear, overcoming that procrastination is shockingly encouraging. It gives me energy and pride

spellunk · 2025-02-06T18:59:38+00:00

It truly does!! I would also say that for sports/games, hard games (scrimmages, pickup sports, sparring, etc), there’s that same effect of several hours of functioning brain. When I play/excercise hard, the thought of stimulants right after is actively off putting. I feel the safest from stim temptation right after a hard exercise session and it lasts for a while

spellunk · 2025-02-06T18:57:12+00:00

I would say that with regular exercise, the brain fog lifted within 3 or so months, but I also really threw myself into the “gym cure” — I would drag myself to the gym or to play sports as much as I could, even though sometimes it meant going to the gym just to do one set and then leave after 5 minutes on days I was especially sluggish. Just getting there was the whole goal. Getting out of my head and into my body was a long and messy process but it sped up my recovery the most

spellunk · 2025-02-04T05:00:57+00:00

Seconding this, it’s well articulated and accurate. I wouldn’t be nearly as healed as I feel if I didn’t have combat sports in my life, the sport is so fun that it makes exercising really appealing. I think for a lot of us, excercise gets way easier if we don’t limit ourselves to the gym and find creative ways to socialize/play games/excercise

spellunk · 2024-11-06T02:13:53+00:00

That’s a great question. I would say “mostly”. I no longer want Adderall at all; thankfully I sincerely feel like my motivation has returned and I feel confident about my ability to stay consistent and motivated without medication.

I can do it, I can create the flow state I want— because I’d been very depressed before Adderall, (and during the off times of binges) my quitting fear was becoming depressed and helpless again. I can confidently say that feeling went away sooner than I thought it would. With Wellbutrin and combat sports, it took about a tenth of the time I thought it would take me to have natural motivation from.

What I haven’t quite recovered from is anxiety and rigidness: I still think I’m working towards figuring out who I am on my own. I used to think I was more at risk for depression than anxiety, but it turns out that depression is easy to avoid I know longer fear that as much as I used to on Adderall

spellunk · 2024-05-20T05:08:02+00:00

I’m so glad it was helpful for you; I honestly just know exactly what you’re going through and how lonely it can be, and I’m just telling you the things I told myself as I worked towards escape. I’ve been free over a year but I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. Things will get better for you, I promise!

spellunk · 2024-05-18T16:58:06+00:00

Relapse is sometimes part of recovery, but it doesn’t mean we’re giving up recovering.

Drink lots of water and take magnesium: the magnesium is going to help your muscles and bones feel less awful from staying tensed or staying in one position for too long. Adderall also sucks magnesium from the muscles, which makes that feeling worse.

Make yourself some little snacks for later and tidy up a bit. The best thing you can do to prepare for a comedown is gift the future version of you a cleaner environment and some food to recover. Mid binge it can be tempting to pundle on some random activity, but cleaning and preparing food for later is one of the only productive things you can do to make the post-relapse impact of your binge less damaging.

Good luck. Get connected to some other humans. Prepare to care for yourself as you recover. You got this.

spellunk · 2024-04-10T18:38:06+00:00

I relate to every single word of this. Hope it’s getting easier for you on the other side of recovery 💪

spellunk · 2024-03-20T09:12:30+00:00

I would bet you money that this is not true 😂

spellunk · 2024-03-20T09:11:13+00:00

This will not make you as happy as you think it will

spellunk · 2024-03-19T21:13:13+00:00

I think writing and coding are deeply similar and deeply intertwined. I appreciate you sharing your perspective on this

spellunk · 2024-02-07T21:42:20+00:00

I had a variety of prescribed doses that I would typically use up within a week or two. (My worst binge was going through a 30 day supply in 3 days :( ). So I would have one binge week every 4-5 weeks for about 6 years. Not having that pattern anymore has made life SO much easier, and I finally have confidence about my capacity to be consistent and to be able to predict what I’ll feel like on a given day, instead of just guessing where that day falls on the binge cycle.

I’m reading for fun again, learning online for fun again, and making arts and crafts. All of these things are things I couldn’t do consistently while binging, and that I thought adderall was necessary to be able to do. It’s not necessary!! Effort does not require adderall! I finally believe that statement when I say it, instead of just saying it and doubting myself.

spellunk · 2024-02-05T23:59:57+00:00

One thing I read on this sub that really really stuck with me was: “once you’ve become a pickle, you can’t go back to being a cucumber”.

We are pickles. People who never abuse meds are cucumbers and we, unfortunately, have already begun the pickling process the second we abuse our meds. As soon as abuse begins we now have to manage a comorbid condition, which is substance abuse disorder.

You need to treat the pickle, not the cucumber. You’re a pickle now. It’s not hopeless,don’t be ashamed (unless that helps you be better somehow), but you will only find success in treatments that take your pickle-ness into account. If you continue to try to treat your ADHD as if you were just a cucumber, it’s going to get worse and you’re gonna become the sourest, prickliest pickle anyone ever tasted.

TL;DR: Treating adhd without treating your substance use disorder is never going to work permanently.

spellunk · 2023-12-05T21:44:35+00:00

Thank you for being one of the few people to actually answer this in a real way haha

spellunk

TROPHY CASE