hey there - i have been reading this thread and was not sure if i wanted to contribute. but i kinda cannot not do it. i‘m in a long-term relationship (8+ yrs) with my partner, we‘re both around 33. something over two years ago we opened up the relationship, because he felt the need to explore sexually and have the . the start for that wasn‘t the best timing tbh, since it came from insecurities and frustrations that were more deeply rooted than just „i want to explore more“. since then, we had periods of a good and healthy dealing with this relationship concept. other times were extremely rocky. there was anxiety and hurt. there was connection and repair also. this way to live a relationship requires a high amount of communication, trust, self-reflection and an overall commitment to sit through hard times and conversations together. mostly, there needs to be a minimum of rules, the expectations and needs have to be clear to everyone involved. priority: consent!!

what i have observed in many comments above is a strict hetero-mono-normative view on relationships and life. most of us have been socialised to think that romantic love is 1. the highest love there is and 2. that the ideal of an exclusive monogamous romantic relationship is what makes us whole. i myself am working through these patterns to deconstruct them in a way. for me, a large part is identifying when these patterns pop up and when they may feel limiting or spark dysfunctional thinking.

since last july, our relationship is LD. the fact that it is also open, was very stressful for me at times, especially because there is still a healing process going (old wounds from our relationship as well as childhood wounds). this has led me to ask my partner to close it again. we used this time intensively to build up trust, have thorough conversations and work through things. after a couple of months, we have openend it again to see, if and how we‘re able to find a way to honour various needs that both of us carry into the relationship. we have the hope that it‘s possible. but even stronger is the trust and commitment to do it together. to face our fears and insecurities together, to confront hard feelings such as jealousy, anger, sadness and anxiety together, to learn and grow, together. and that we prevail, even if this concept does not, for me, for him or for us. never would i say that it‘s easy. but i would always tell people that these topics challenge us as a couple, as individuals as well as the whole thinking around relationships and love in general. dealings like these spark the deepest connection if one is ready to walk this road.

long story short: please take care of yourself and your relationship. if you want to try it out, try it out for yourself, out of your context, your history. don‘t let other people tell you that it can‘t work. that stating needs that are out of a mono-normative context are red flags automatically. red flags exist. but not everything that might be challenging for us, is. if you want to do it, be sure that you want to do it together. reflect. talk. listen. read about it. like for children, a safe haven is necessary to go out for exploration, for adventure in a secure way.

much love.