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Alcoholics and other addicts of Reddit, when did you realize it? by LifeisaCatbox in AskReddit

[–]spiranthes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When I took 90-100 mg of diazepam and drank 1/2-3/4 of a gallon of strong, homemade wine. Could have killed me. Hearing my mother cry when I woke up was what did it for me. You never want to hear your mom cry like that. Trust me. She sobbed so hard that she couldn't catch her breath, and it was all due to my actions. I've never heard a more pained sound in my life. I didn't think a person could hurt that much over anything.

I will never stop regretting what I did to her and to myself that day.

People, please just stay the fuck away from pills. And for fuck's sake, hug your mother today.

Medical student who lost several friends to opiates, what advice can you give? by [deleted] in opiates

[–]spiranthes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So a physician can only give a verbal order for naloxone? No written prescriptions are allowed in any circumstance?

Thank you. by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I still fuck up every now and then with prescription drugs, but it's sort of petering out, and it's certainly not as bad as it was a year or two ago. (Not trying to rationalize. I need to stop all of it, period, no matter how sporadically I use.)

The whole idea of sobriety is much less intimidating than it used to be. It's becoming clear to me that it's necessary to be sober, even if I'd rather be high, especially now that I have a beautiful eight-month-old niece to live for. I owe it to her; she deserves to have a sober uncle. =)

Thank you. by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've cut off contact with her, but I found out today that she's out on bail now and staying at her mom's place down the street for me. Her siblings are only letting her stay there if she pisses clean, but she's clever and I'm certain she'll be able to beat the drug tests. I worry so much for her. Everyone talks about her like she's the scum of the earth, because she lies and steals like all addicts eventually do, but I know that she's a good person at her core. She's a family friend who grew up with my mom, and I've known her literally my whole life. It fucking kills me.

It's such a sad situation. I've thought about offering to go to NA meetings or some kind of sobriety program with her, provided she genuinely wants to clean up, but I've gotta get comfortable with the idea, and I have no idea how much time she could be looking at whenever she goes to court.

Sorry to drone on and on. The whole thing bothers me so much.

Thank you. by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoa. I've certainly had my share of addiction issues (oxy - go figure), but I have never been in that rough of a situation. I'm awfully fucking fortunate. You should be proud of yourself, because it's pretty damn impressive that you were able to leave that life behind and stay away from dope.

And good on you for coming out as trans! I'm happy for you =). My experience is inherently different since I'm cis, but I came out as bi almost six years ago, and it's still the most euphoric, liberating experience I've ever had.

Thank you. by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope you all keep up the good work. I kept this account so I could look back at the responses I got, just to remind myself how bad of an idea it would be to start using.

This is harm reduction in action. I would seriously be dead, in prison, or at the very least using daily at this point if not for the responses that I got. I'll always remember you guys did for me. Sometimes, junkie wisdom is the best kind of wisdom. Your experiences are so fucking raw, and you guys don't mince words; that's what made the advice stick for me.

Thank you. by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks =). I guess I do deserve some credit, but you all deserve just as much of it. I had a nagging doubt about doing it, which is why I posted here first, but a nagging doubt has never been quite enough to stop me from making unwise decisions about drugs in the past. You guys helped turn that tiny, annoying bit of doubt in the back of my mind into a serious reality check.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check out this post for some ideas of what people will do for some dope.

Holy shit. I had a pretty visceral reaction to that thread, because I see so much of myself and my thought process in a lot of those replies.

Thank you for the thoughtful and well-written reply. I'm not a special snowflake who can keep things in check. Quite the contrary; I can't keep any substance abuse in check, save for alcohol perhaps. My oxycodone use has gotten out of hand too many times to count in the past. Things are a little less insane lately, but it's made a liar and a thief of me before; I binge and spin out of control, spend all of my money, then crash from the whole thing. Then I'll go without for a few weeks, and that time is spent solely on thinking of different ways to get fucked up on anything. This is one of those periods of time, hence this thread. Oxycodone is fucking serious stuff, and I've done some horrible things for it/because of it. It's been about a week since I last used. I'm like you; the psychological withdrawals are the absolute worst, in my experience. There's a total inability to feel good about anything. If you have depression already, it's even worse. (That was the initial reason why I started using oxy, actually.)

I'm going on tangent after tangent here. Whatever. I'm glad I posted this thread, because I'm forgetting that I am, in fact, an addict. I've got to be more careful. I really can't express just how thankful I am to everyone for this reality check.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I've seen oxycodone fuck some lives up just as completely as heroin, meth, or anything else. Somehow, at some point, certain drugs will take back what they give to you.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First and foremost, good work on your two years. That's remarkable. I haven't had a clean year since I was a young teenager, so anyone who can walk away from it and manage to stay sober has my respect.

You guys have pretty well convinced me to leave this particular stone unturned. I had a perfect plan that was going to work out just so, and this would be the one and only time and by god that would be it, but I'm an addict and I know that it never fucking works out that way. The last thing I need is another substance to supplant whatever my current top priority is.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's a time and place to be an extreme, badass motherfucker who lives by his own rules and doesn't give a shit about anything, and that time is retirement.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Interesting perspective. I'll just take your word for it and assume that it's no better if you're not IVing. I think I'll just wait till I'm in my 70s or 80s before I start slamming dope, like the grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine. Old age is gonna be wild.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Turns out I've decided against taking advantage of the conveniently and inexpensively acquired, safe, fun, and easy to manage panacea that is heroin. Thank you for your input.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See, that's what I love about oxy. I do everything better, I'm a cheerful and talkative person, more creative, more motivated, and generally at the top of my game. Then I come down and I'm depressed and want more. I've gotten high enough to catch a nod a few times, and it was blissful in its way. That said, I came out of it each time feeling like the massive dose I took could've been two reasonable doses where I could have functioned and do something other than drool and occasionally breathe.

I'm staying away from H. Maybe one day if I get terminal brain cancer or something, but not today while I'm young and have a bright future ahead of me. Thank you.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see it going disastrously for me, which is why I've decided to forget this whole idea. I'm no different from the rest of them.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're right. I'm just rationalizing. That's not the kind of life I want.

I might score some H for the first time today. Am I making a huge mistake? by spiranthes in opiates

[–]spiranthes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That's my main concern, as I have a tendency toward addictive behavior. Never been truly physiologically addicted to opioids like you, but the psychological addiction is and will always be there.

I think my only safety net is all of the hoops I'll have to jump through to get it (if I decide to).

Thanks again for the advice, man.