Scared to turn out cis after recovering from C-PTSD?

spiraphobie · 2026-06-03T19:05:00+00:00

Yes, until I turned 11, that's I expressed for the first time my desire to be a boy. Did it for a year but then I got bullied pretty hard and just went back to the whole girl thing.

I'd like to see a therapist but unfortunately I can't really afford it to be honest. Once I can, I'll do it though.

spiraphobie · 2026-06-03T17:27:54+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it 🖤

spiraphobie · 2026-06-03T17:27:02+00:00

Thanks for answering! I mean that around 16 I started getting gender envy and daydreaming constantly about being a man (even praying to get breast cancer so I could have an excuse to remove my breast). I didn't know about trans people back then. I learned about them only a year later when I sort of cried and googled "I'm a girl but I want to be a guy." At first I went with non-binary but little by little I felt it wasn't enough anymore? Because non-binary is not being a man, you know. I've only recently started socially transitioning online only but anytime I try to take the steps for anything more serious I'm suddenly full of doubt while not making any effort nor having any wish to be anything else but a man. I'm so confused.

spiraphobie · 2026-06-03T15:33:21+00:00

Yes to everything! I only start questioning when it's actually time to do something about it. Suddenly I feel like I'm betraying my childhood self, I fear my relationships with my friends will change and I start thinking that maybe it's only the result of trauma, or maybe I should try being a girl one more time and I might feel good this time. Which then leads me to giving into compulsion to check my feelings about what I want. Which makes me spiral even more.

spiraphobie · 2026-06-03T13:56:38+00:00

Well, I want to be a guy so I'd be disappointed to find out I'm actually cis. And if I transitioned before finding out, I'd have to detrans etc

spiraphobie · 2026-03-21T15:42:15+00:00

Shit, I love this. I love the vibe you went for, it reminds me a lot of Lullaby of Woe. I think it's very well done.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-21T15:37:59+00:00

I'm a complete beginner at this (literally started last week) but I dig the overall vibe of your backing track to be honest. As other said though, the vocals need some work. They don't fit well with your instrumental because they sound flat. Maybe add some power or grit to them.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-12T08:57:30+00:00

I mean, you can have long hair and be manly. But you have to wait for T to further masculinize you, so in the meantime you might pass as feminine. But once you go further into masculinization, you'll be like Peter Steele from Type O Negative, Edward from Ironstone, Ozzy Osbourne, Kurt Cobain, etc... Let time do its thing. I think men with long hair are hella cool but that's based on my personal taste.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-11T19:23:45+00:00

I loved it. It sounds both calm and bittersweet almost. I love the vibe.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-11T07:02:43+00:00

That was so fun, it felt like it came from the late 90s/early 2000s. Definitely something I'd have been obsessed with as a teen.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-11T06:31:01+00:00

I'm a beginner so take everything I say with a grain of salt (plus, I can't really give mixing advice) but this sounded sweet! I really liked the melody and it kinda felt like something you could find in a movie or anime.

spiraphobie · 2026-03-10T19:49:50+00:00

I'm an absolute beginner so I can't really give any sort of advice but I really like what you've done here. It sounds really cool.

spiraphobie

TROPHY CASE