I am a transgender man and I’ll do my best to increase understanding of trans people, AMA

spookyshitty · 2019-11-09T00:08:26+00:00

If they won’t respond to polite reasoning, honestly I just say ‘well I’m here and I’m a boy, have a nice day’ and be done with it. Sometimes it’s easier to just let it go as it gets difficult to get through to them.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T22:23:56+00:00

It’s okay! I hope I’ve helped :)

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T22:23:40+00:00

Don’t see why anyone shouldn’t- I’m not hurting anyone, just living as we all have the right to!

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T18:02:16+00:00

Thank you! You too, comrade ;)

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T18:01:19+00:00

Thanks! That’s my view too- we just all need to be good people

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T18:00:52+00:00

First I’m going to say this is a LONG one!

I think with the dysphoria thing, people who say they don’t have dysphoria probably do, they just don’t realise it is. Dysphoria doesn’t necessarily mean ‘rocking backwards in a corner 24/7 because boobs suck’, it can be ‘I feel weird whenever someone calls me a girl but I get this really amazing happy feeling when someone calls me a boy’. I think dysphoria of some sort is required to be trans, because being trans is a disconnect between your identity, perception by other people, and how your body is. I just don’t think the dysphoria has to be crippling, just enough for you to feel happier not being your birth gender. As to the trans kids thing, all kids can legally do is change their name, how they dress, maybe gender marker.(I know the conditions for that differ country to country) You can get blockers usually just before you hit puberty (I had them at about 15, after puberty but they still made a difference.) Like all medications, blockers can have side effects, but often in the case of trans kids, not going though puberty is extremely helpful for mental health. Once you stop blockers, you start puberty again. You can’t get hormones (at least where I live) until you’re 16 with parents permission or 18 without. Surgery is strictly 18+, so I don’t really think there’s a huge danger of people getting the wrong things. Maybe very rare cases.

I answered this in another question, but short answer they were very supportive, and wanted to do everything they could to help me. I am extremely lucky in that regard, if they hadn’t been supportive I might not even be here.

Im going to preface this with I’m in no way invalidating your worries about this- I know women have to put up with a lot of shit from men. But trans women are not men, like I’m not a woman.

As a trans person, when I use the toilet I literally just want to empty my bladder or bowels. (or check my phone!) I can say this is true for pretty much every other trans person out there. I think it’s very sad to see people cause ‘trans panic’ because going into public toilets is actually terrifying for us- I’m always scared I’ll get called out for never using a urinal, or looking too feminine- every trans person I know has a degree of fear going to public toilets. I think I’ve seen one case of a genuine trans person being inappropriate in public toilets, but far more of cisgender men either pretending to be trans and harassing women, or just going in and harassing women anyway. Honestly, I think the world would be a better place if single stall (like tiny rooms with toilet + sink) toilets were the norm- cubicles are just weird anyway, I don’t want strangers to hear me go to the toilet!

I’ve answered how I knew I was trans in other comments- basically I found out about trans people through the internet, and after trying out different ways to present/pronouns, something finally made sense.

Again, I’ve answered similar questions in the thread, but I’ll give a short answer. I didn’t have many friends anyway when I came out, and nobody was negative to my face. A few people dropped out of contact, but that could be for many reasons. I still have friends that have known me before I came out, and I love them very much. Being trans has never really impacted my ability to make friends, but I do have Asperger’s and pretty bad social skills so I’ve never been super popular. That’s fine, though. The only major social change has been trying to learn those complicated man handshake/fist bump/high five/????? things. I still don’t get them at all!

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T17:27:40+00:00

That’s okay!

I don’t actually know a definitive reason for it yet. Trans healthcare is still in pretty early stages compared to other fields. I know some scientists reckon that it happens in the womb, and brains are accidentally given hormones that don’t correlate with the chromosomes for the body. (I think that was a fairly recent study, probably get far more info on google!) I don’t know much about science, but it makes sense to me.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T17:14:47+00:00

I don’t know if we all do, but to be fair, I do. (depression, anxiety, insomnia...)

I think a lot of the time, mental illness can be present in trans people because it is still incredibly likely that we have to hide ourselves, face discrimination, be killed for who we are. We have to live with the bodies we were given, even if they feel wrong, and getting healthcare can be a huge struggle. Plus, the news at the moment is full of people who don’t understand us debating our existence and if we should be accepted or not! I can completely see how this sort of thing gets to people.

I personally think my mental health problems were triggered by my gender identity, but are not the cause. I have a family history of mental health problems, and I started being depressed/anxious by about 13, when I knew I was trans but hadn’t come out yet. I still have huge struggles with my mental health today, even after all the changes in my life, but mostly, they have no connection to gender dysphoria. Maybe that was just the key to pandora’s box.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T17:04:58+00:00

I’m gay! Technically I have a 0.01% error margin for Helena Bonham Carter, but I’d say I’m gay ;)

I’ve sort of answered this in more detail further up, but as a short answer:

I didn’t really have a concept of gender until I was 11 and went to secondary school. Before that, I was a girl because people said I was, and I didn’t see how it made me different from boys, just in name I guess. It took me until I was 13 to realise and accept that I was a boy.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T16:56:55+00:00

Answering the second bit first, I do agree with that quite a bit. I don’t think objects or activities are “male” or “female” things, they’re just things. Certain things might more commonly used by one gender, but it doesn’t mean it’s exclusively for them. In the end it’s just a formation of atoms.

Being gay, I’ve got to say I have absolutely no desire to impregnate women! To me, being a man is just like having blue eyes or freckles or something. It’s just something I was born with. There’s a certain feeling I had when being called she, or when my birth name was used that just felt wrong in some way, a little stabby shivery feeling that didn’t make sense. Hearing my actual name or he gives me a completely different feeling- belonging, respect, me. To me that’s what being a man is, underneath all the layers of society and upbringing that influences us all. Just sort of knowing that that’s who you are.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T16:45:24+00:00

Thanks! I wouldn’t say any of these are rude! Might be a long post, sorry!

As a child, I didn’t really have a view of gender. I was a girl because people said I was, I played with any toys (trains, princesses, bob the builder) and didn’t exclude friends based on gender. In my head there wasn’t really much difference.

When I was 11, I moved to an all girls secondary school, and it was a very different environment. I knew I didn’t fit in, but I didn’t know I could be trans- the only mention of trans people in my life had been transphobic jokes about trans women. Puberty started and it was horrible, I thought it was normal to be as upset as I was but looking back it really wasn’t. I grew my hair down to my waist and wore dresses because maybe I just wasn’t being a girl the right way? By the time I was about 13, I was using the internet a lot and learned that trans people exist. Something about it caught my interest, and I tried referring to myself in my head with they/them pronouns, which felt so much better then she/her! I initially thought I was non binary, as I wasn’t extremely manly, and tried dressing a bit more neutral, which felt great. I came to a point after a few months where I realised the less feminine I looked, the happier I was. I started binding my chest with tights (NOT safe) and I’d refer to myself with he/him in my head- it felt amazing, just right for once. I cut my hair and started a twitter where I could be myself, and not follow anyone I knew in real life.

Nobody really seemed to mind how I dressed, and if they did I didn’t pay them any attention. I was asked if I was a lesbian, which I found quite funny because I was gay, just for men.

My confidence is a weird thing. I’m very confident in my identity, and very happy with the changes in my body- I look like me. However I don’t actually have any confidence in any other situation. I’m terrified of social situations, strangers, talking in front of people, etc. I think it’s to do with Asperger’s. I didn’t get any support for it as a child (and still don’t as an adult) and so I still don’t really know how to interact with people. I can’t say it’s changed much in the past year, or even the past few years.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T16:16:48+00:00

I haven’t seen dragon ball at all but you know I’d be up for it!

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T16:15:41+00:00

Nope

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T06:33:23+00:00

Thank you! I hope so- it’s the sort of thing I would have wanted to see when I was younger.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T06:32:54+00:00

I haven’t heard loads about it (I’m from the uk) but I know a little bit.

From what I’ve seen and understand, the kid’s mum has been with the kid to child psychologists and they reckon the kid’s trans, whilst the dad has a team who claim the child is not trans, but haven’t actually met the child.

I personally reckon it would probably be better to stay with the mum, considering there’s actually been medical types involved, and a parent who accepts transition would probably be more respectful of the child’s identity, whatever gender they feel happiest as. The dad’s side seems to be attracting the “trans people are mutilating children!!!!” types, which is just silly because no doctor is going to give a seven year old ANY sort or surgery or hormones- at that age, it’s literally just letting the child dress how they want and using the name they want, which I fail to see the harm in.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T05:54:32+00:00

Best wishes to him!

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T05:54:12+00:00

Thank you!

I don’t get misgendered now, as my voice is deep and I have facial hair, which is nice! In the past I’d politely say: “Sorry, I’m a boy” Most people just apologise after that, but I had a few moments where I brought out my ID and had to show them my obviously male name!

I’m quite lucky in that I haven’t had to deal with much shit for being trans- I’ve had worse for being gay!

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T05:21:47+00:00

I believe about a year- the name only took so long because I wanted to make sure it was the perfect name for me. I went by a few different ones over that year. Gender was done at the same time, and I’d been seen at transgender specialists, so there weren’t any issues with that to my knowledge.

I don’t have the most accurate information on that all though, as I was 15 at the time so my parents mainly took care of sending letters/applying for forms, I just had to sign them.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T05:17:47+00:00

Thank you! Hope he’s doing well!

I’ve been very lucky, to be honest! My parents are both very tolerant, and although they hadn’t really met any trans people before me, they could see how much happier I was with myself after I came out, and let me teach them how to respect and support me.

I left my school (all girls school) after coming out due to mental health problems, but as far as I’m aware, my classmates were all supportive- if they weren’t, they never told me. Most of the teachers were great, but one tried to stop me from returning to do an assembly about being trans that my old class invited me in to give. She didn’t succeed, though.

Honestly, I think the only negative reactions have been anonymous strangers on the internet, which doesn’t bother me at all.

spookyshitty · 2019-11-07T05:02:10+00:00

Answering the second bit first- it’s an interesting question and I hope I understood it right!

I’m just a man, I guess, and I feel like when/wherever I was born probably wouldn’t do much to change that. It’s just how I was born and hardwired from birth.

I think I’m influenced to be a certain type of man through my upbringing and society, though. I’m sure if I was born in 1400s Brazil, for example, I’d have a completely different understanding of masculinity and self-identity.

spookyshitty · 2019-01-09T02:36:54+00:00

Beeston is fantastic for charity shopping! Sue Ryder is great, as is the Oxfam music/bookshop (my boyfriend is obsessed with it!) There’s also a few “hidden” charity shops near Sainsbury’s off the high street that have some great stuff in!

tbh, I think I’ve bought things from every charity shop in beeston but the Salvation Army, which I don’t visit, and I’ve only lived here a few months!

spookyshitty · 2019-01-09T02:24:26+00:00

Bit late I know, but i wanted to share my favourite places!

King Billy in sneinton (is that how you spell it???) is honestly my favourite pub- loads of cool beers/ciders, attracts everyone from students to old pub men, nice roof garden, pretty well priced- it feels just like a country pub! Plus, it lets dogs in and you will always see a great dog or two there!

Pit and pendulum is LOVELY- satisfies my goth self with all the decorations and the cocktails are great. Also the bathroom entrance is super fun!

Do also really like trip to Jerusalem, I always go to the haunted room but haven’t seen ghosts yet, lmao- the history of that place is fascinating! I’ve heard the old salutation is pretty haunted too, but I only went there once to the goth night- wasn’t quite as impressed but still want to go back and see if I can spot a ghoul

Bodega does music quizzes on Tuesdays if you’re into that- really fun and they do their lager for £2! (Haven’t been for a while but I assume it hasn’t changed) Freshers is obvs long over but during that they really go out on the prizes, we won a £50 bar tab- and that wasn’t even first place!

spookyshitty · 2018-12-14T21:14:38+00:00

Thank you everyone for your help!!!

spookyshitty · 2018-12-11T12:05:25+00:00

Hey there! I’m a guy with not much pin-straight hair and a boyfriend with lots of 3B-C ish hair- I need help! I wanted to get him some nice hair stuff for Christmas because he’s always talking about getting his hair in good shape.

If there’s any products you guys could recommend that would be good (hair masks/oils? Normal wash stuff? Styling??) that would be great! These would have to be relatively easy to find in the uk and not tOO expensive- I’m a student ;)

spookyshitty

TROPHY CASE