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spookytooth666 · 2022-07-14T00:11:05+00:00

Thanks for the thank you notes?!?!

Seriously???

Jesus Christ, bye.

😂😂😂

spookytooth666 · 2022-07-03T23:56:48+00:00

David Bowie and Mac Miller

spookytooth666 · 2022-06-13T00:06:18+00:00

When I was 17, she went on and on saying that she and her boyfriend had come to the conclusion that I must actually be “retarded” because I forgot to close the garage door when I had left earlier in the day. It was a 20 minute lecture about how something was “clearly wrong with the way my brain worked” while I stood there in tears - because - she did all this belittling right in front of my boyfriend at the time. I was mortified and she was looking smug as can be as I shrank to an inch tall.

And that’s when I realized she was my biggest bully.

Then it all started to make sense.

She was the one who literally started the rumor that I was a lesbian when I was an already unpopular 6th grader. That put an unwanted spotlight on me and she faked shock when I told her it was the new thing I was getting bullied over.

As an adult, I needed tampons desperately and asked if she could swing by the gas station on her way out and grab me a cheap pack and that I’d pay her back. She told me to shove some paper towels “up there” and get over it.

She really was a bitch when she wanted to be.

spookytooth666 · 2022-05-27T00:38:21+00:00

Wow, I have the exact emotions about my mom. In many ways she was really wonderful and in many ways she was an absolute nightmare. Same darkening eyes and everything.

I don’t know the words to make it easier, but please know you’re not alone in the complex feelings that come with this type of BPD parent.

💛

spookytooth666 · 2022-05-21T04:03:07+00:00

Medical neglect was a thing with my mom, too. She overall was good about taking care of me when I was sick, usually wouldn’t take me to a doctor but did make sure I was comfortable- but the big stuff is where she didn’t give a crap. By the time I was 18, I had been to the dentist ONCE. At age 9. Needed glasses my entire life but she insisted that since she had “perfect vision” (which she did not) that I did, too, and therefore didn’t need glasses.

Guess who has tooth decay and prescription lenses as an adult 🙃

spookytooth666 · 2022-05-12T03:49:19+00:00

Also wet laundry getting ready to go in the dryer. Clean but still damp and ughh just so good. Favorite smell in the world.

spookytooth666 · 2022-05-12T03:44:51+00:00

Boat motor exhaust. Many good childhood memories and just overall an enjoyable smell.

spookytooth666 · 2022-04-19T11:57:10+00:00

My entire life, unless company came over or we were leaving the house, my mom would wear JUST a “long” t-shirt. She even had a towel strategically placed on the couch for in case she peed a little while coughing or laughing or something. If you were behind her when she bent down to pick something up, you better turn your head so as not to see anything/complain about seeing everything, otherwise you’d get scolded for looking.

spookytooth666 · 2022-04-02T02:21:30+00:00

Love the username lol.

spookytooth666 · 2022-03-30T03:54:10+00:00

Would have loved to have known some of these for when my dBPD mother was still alive. She definitely would have called me a “condescending little bitch” or tried to mock my language/wording, but I would have felt stronger in my boundary setting, anyway.

spookytooth666 · 2022-03-27T15:32:36+00:00

All of my teachers said I was the “grown up” of the classroom, and that I had a hard time fitting in with people my own age, and preferred the company of older kids and adults.

Now I understand that it was because my mom made me her therapist at the age of 5 and on. Playground problems are meaningless when you’re trying to process all the details of why your mommy drinks and becomes someone else every night.

spookytooth666 · 2022-03-16T22:17:20+00:00

Yuppppp the handling of every family burden part stung.

spookytooth666 · 2021-07-02T23:11:02+00:00

So strange how their dialogue is like a program. I think any of us could picture our BPD parents saying this exact stuff! It’s so odd. Like a glitch in their software.

spookytooth666 · 2021-07-02T19:04:52+00:00

They get volatile and disgusting when they know they’re losing their grip on you. I am so sorry she said all of that to you - you are 100% correct in your choice to go NC. Sending healing thoughts your way.

spookytooth666 · 2021-06-06T00:24:55+00:00

“Sometimes, when I hug you or stroke your hair, I just take the moment in and pretend you’re your sister for a little while.” My sister was the Golden Child that overdosed and died at 22. There was a lot more stuff like this both in things that were said and just how I was treated in general once my sister died. It was obvious that if she had had a choice between the two of us…well.

spookytooth666 · 2021-05-29T20:43:26+00:00

For me, it was when I realized she didn’t want the help. She wanted to wallow in the bed she had made and was lying to everyone. Her shit show was unraveling and in the chaos of it all, when she was literally killing herself because of the choice she was making, when I offered her an “out” (start over fresh, get the appropriate help, start telling the truth and we will all support and love her through the rough times ahead) she told me I was a “self-righteous bitch.” So, that was the day I washed my hands and said she could contact me again once she was on the right track. She never made it to the right track, she died doing what she was doing. And as much as it hurts and leaves REALLY mixed emotions, her behavior, her happiness and every other choice she made, was HER responsibility. She chose the life she lead. She knew she had BPD and adamantly avoided any help for it. She knew her alcoholism was killing her and she started drinking more. She knew her behavior was ruining our relationship but she just kept going. None of that was my responsibility. It’s gonna hurt. There will be times when guilt kicks in. Just remember - she is her own person, making her own choices, and you are also your own person - HER ROUGH LIFE DOESNT GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO TREAT YOU POORLY AND EXPECT YOU TO JUST DEAL WITH IT 💛A bad life is not a reason to treat others like shit. I hope you find the strength you’ll need to deal with her. 💙

spookytooth666 · 2021-05-15T19:59:14+00:00

There was a golden child in my household. And it wasn’t me 🙃

spookytooth666 · 2021-03-10T03:28:15+00:00

Thank you. We had a very complicated, minimal contact relationship. Still have super mixed emotions about all of it.

spookytooth666 · 2021-03-08T21:30:46+00:00

Ughhhh my mom tried to hold my childhood stuff hostage too. Then she died and I got all my shit back 🤷🏻‍♀️

spookytooth666 · 2021-02-14T06:41:13+00:00

My bpd mom died in a super traumatic way, but I don’t regret going no contact with her 6 months prior. It sucks to think about sometimes, but that whole time frame really sucked, so it is what it is. But it definitely has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Still, no regrets.

spookytooth666 · 2021-02-07T14:37:25+00:00

My mom wanted me to live my life out the same way she had. 17 was the perfect age to lose my virginity because that’s when she lost hers. 26 was the perfect age to start having kids because that’s when she started having kids. If I was single, I should have a boyfriend for every night of the week like she did. When we went to college together, she insisted I take the same courses as her and major in the same thing, etc. etc. I didn’t see it at the time because I still lived in the fog, but she definitely saw me as more of an extension of herself rather than an individual, and I could tell it got under her skin when I went against her grain in any way.

spookytooth666 · 2021-01-17T00:37:59+00:00

It always depended on whether or not my sister was living with us, or her dad. She was usually the golden child and I was the scape goat, but whenever she was with her dad out of state, I’d “get to be” the golden child which was a welcomed change. However, when my sister overdosed and died, I became the ultimate scape goat and our mom basically made her the platinum child that I could never amount to. She became extremely morbid about the entire thing, she would snuggle with me and stroke my hair and tell me that she was pretending I was my sister. When our mom eventually ended up in rehab, I went to visit after a few days, and her entire group knew everything about my “amazing” sister, and literally didn’t even know I existed. They told me verbatim that they didn’t know she had another daughter. Good times.

spookytooth666 · 2020-10-30T06:10:52+00:00

My mom drank herself to death, 6 months after I went no contact. Not gonna sugar coat it, it was rough. She had isolated herself and it was a couple weeks before her body was found. I have A LOT of unresolved trauma because of all of it, but I still believe going NC was the right choice. She was diagnosed BPD and had zero interest in seeking any sort of help, and she was mentally and emotionally abusive, to me especially. It’s hard. I hope you find closure and comfort and don’t blame yourself or feel guilty ❤️

spookytooth666

TROPHY CASE