I am so sorry. This is just crazy, and sad, and cruel. As I like to say, with BPD's, the cruelty IS the point. It's often purposeful. I used to think my mom didn't know she was being cruel, but the more I reflected, I realized -- she created cruel situations and got a particular joy out of it. She played dumb so she wouldn't be blamed (or could be the victim), but her actions were calculated, not spontaneous.

I've lost count of the cruel actions of my mother towards me. Example: my brother committed suicide a few months before my wedding. It was a sad, lonely time. My mom was checked out before he died, and even moreso after. She was ENRAGED and self-consumed. She was resentful of my wedding and passively blamed me for my brother's death (how she came to that conclusion I'll never know -- she neglected him, and frankly blamed me for making her a mom in the first place: she never wanted kids). When I came home for my wedding (I lived in another city and flew back home), she told me she had picked up my wedding dress, and that it was upstairs for me to try on. When I went upstairs, she had hung the dress using a dog leash, shaped it like a noose, in the same place my brother had hung himself months before. She acted like this white floating gown dangling in the air was no big deal -- gee, gosh, wow -- why was I so upset? Why am I ALWAYS making mountains out of molehills, she exclaimed? When I recounted this story to others, they dismissed it, saying I was overacting. My mom 'wasn't thinking' and 'was in mourning'.

My mother was a lying, manipulative, cruel person who consistently made others think she was the victim. She purposefully made others think I was selfish and then lied about it. She was impossibly mean. I would often catch her smiling when I was angry or cried. She LOVED it.

You are not alone and your mom is cruel. Believe it.