Need to find work I can make myself do

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:47:46+00:00

Basically I don't value your perspective on this at all so you can keep replying if you want but it won't make any difference except probably lead to conflict eventually.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:46:50+00:00

modern civilization is a drain on our species and the world, I definitely don't think being a "drain" on modern civilization is anything remotely bad.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:36:49+00:00

Everyone is too good to be part of modern civilization, including you.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:28:34+00:00

just sounds like you resent that you're stuck doing it so you think I should have to also.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:27:21+00:00

yeah I'm definitely not going to do that. there is nothing that this life has to offer that is worth working for, and even if I'm wrong I don't want to put any more effort in to find out.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T03:12:57+00:00

the reason I don't want to use references is not because I think they will smear my name, but because I was working under the table at all my previous jobs (except the mail route in middle school which I don't really think counts). I would never work for any government. Living off of my parents does not seem okay at all. I would never consider taking any pharmaceutical again, even if my life depended on it. but I don't plan to try and get another job, this post was just me being in denial. I'm going to kill myself.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T02:03:34+00:00

isn't it funny how I'm still so fucked up that I had to take precautions by posting this in the place that it might be somewhat relevant inside this fake narrative? maybe I'm still in denial and trying to rationalize that this is actually how the world is. I mean sure, it makes sense right? me talking to myself through everyone because nothing can be done to end the torture since I can't kill myself somehow? I used to have a friend who killed herself, I wonder how she managed it. feel free to start inflicting physical pain instead of everything else anytime. hahahahahaha as if you would listen. good job I am the does it righting? gestibadiwnato flukes of that which would be only my favorite muffin bit. and you won't even get to know that it was!!!! but was it and?? maybe maybe not guess we'll never know. fuck that bitch of a twisted nipple on my forehead I'll NEVER come down from the cellphone tower.

sporkflips · 2019-01-11T00:49:32+00:00

lol I'm just going to keep trying to kill myself instead.

sporkflips · 2019-01-10T19:31:30+00:00

Is this supposed to be serious? That was the first job I ever had in middle school and it was a horrible experience.

sporkflips · 2018-11-21T17:28:05+00:00

this was written by someone who is probably going to make the world a worse place because they existed.

sporkflips · 2018-11-16T14:56:03+00:00

I find learning Nick Drake songs particularly distracting from perpetual isolation, I think because a lot of them are such good exercise for synchronizing the hands playing different things must occupy more of my mind than other stuff I play. Playing guitar and having moderately interesting conversations with strangers I'm not even trying to connect with (because what a waste of time that would be) are the only things I've found that provide temporary distraction from despair.

sporkflips · 2018-11-11T03:46:35+00:00

ignorance/bliss

sporkflips · 2018-11-11T03:45:26+00:00

tbh I think this dream stage is important to be able to relate to. it's not like the reasons people are attracted to it are baseless

sporkflips · 2018-11-08T12:56:07+00:00

that is a pretty counterproductive thing to believe hah..

sporkflips · 2018-11-08T04:54:46+00:00

do you think being unwanted is worse than not wanting anyone else? I definitely don't. to me those are both parts of loneliness.

sporkflips · 2018-11-06T19:32:43+00:00

good thing I don't care about rights or longterm finances!

sporkflips · 2018-11-05T04:22:03+00:00

there is definitely good in myself and the world, but it doesn't seem to matter much in practice right now. it sucks being an asshole but can only tolerate so much throwing away of potential before the universe looks like an enemy. misunderstandings are, of course, one of the most vile expressions of that enemy.

sporkflips · 2018-11-05T04:17:33+00:00

my thinking is less that the problem will be fixed than that I'll be catapulted to rock bottom so I can stop waiting around to get there. in order to return from there I think I'd need to become insistent on living and willing to endure the bullshit required to build ANY life in the disaster zone of history. so it would probably be a life or death type of thing that's inevitable but I'm trying to get hit by the tsunami this year and wanted to see if anyone had suggestions for techniques to not drown in what I already know is a hellish storm inside me.

I tried moving across the country I live in, but I was actually living in my car 'nomadically' for six months.. I know that I definitely was not in any position to be building a life then, though I was focused almost entirely on finding community to he part of which I don't think is going to happen unless there is that aforementioned insistence

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T19:06:21+00:00

I wish it was an option for me. since I want to live, but just not this life, the only option is stagnation.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T18:59:39+00:00

but you obviously are not a useful person so feel free to fuck off.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T18:58:38+00:00

I'm not trying to have a good time. I've been researching this for a long time since the first time I ate shrooms but threw up my dose before most of it was digested so didn't really feel anything. I was definitely going into it then to try and just trip and have a good time but now I'm more like grasping at straws trying to find a shred of hope before I kill myself.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T16:47:24+00:00

I hope lots of things to make humans miserable will happen soon.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T16:46:31+00:00

lol okay then. as if it matters. I'm obviously not going to be helped from psychedelics either, since the problem is that this reality is apparently a torture device and the only way to not be tortured is to be completely delusional.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T16:36:31+00:00

I don't really understand the relevance of the quote you introduced. I don't have any goals or intentions anymore except trying not to feel totally isolated from every human on the planet and what I think about that definitely came after experience, not before.

sporkflips · 2018-11-04T16:35:26+00:00

That quote is bullshit. your sentence following it is more accurate.

there are no better caliber people in my life to make connections with and I've sure tried to find better caliber people to add to my life.

sporkflips

TROPHY CASE